tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3813761.post617706398913642130..comments2023-12-07T03:10:25.030-08:00Comments on HSP Notes: HSP Learning: Elaine Aron's "The Undervalued Self:" An Undervalued Book?Peter Mhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08413240103371243243noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3813761.post-214730873137942912016-01-28T09:45:07.534-08:002016-01-28T09:45:07.534-08:00Thank you, Peter. THis is a really good overview o...Thank you, Peter. THis is a really good overview of a great work-book. I found it very useful in working with own traumas, and inner sub-personalities, as well as own self-protection strategies. I call this book recisely a work-book, that is why probably for some readers this is not an "easy read" by fire-place. This book makes you work and face your reality, instead of avoiding it. However, I found it difficult to apply some Jungian techniques (speaking with one's innocence), as some things which evolve may require presence of an actual therapist to help you through traumatizing things, which may surface unexpectedly...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3813761.post-46266884750433214782015-10-06T22:33:15.662-07:002015-10-06T22:33:15.662-07:00I was searching a book like this. Thanks for provi...I was searching a book like this. Thanks for providing it. i will buy it as soon as possible.<a href="http://dynamicdiscovery.ca/" rel="nofollow">Life Coach</a>Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00767992395314910794noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3813761.post-37302607197149863512014-04-24T09:05:41.019-07:002014-04-24T09:05:41.019-07:00I am currently reading "The Undervalued Self&...I am currently reading "The Undervalued Self" though I prefer the title "At the Crossroads of Love & Power". <br />I find it tremendously helpful. One early aha moment occurred when Aron explained how central ranking is to being human. One professor asked me a few years ago "why is everything about power to you, Monica?" I had no idea. Now I understand. With my mom leaning towards narcissim, and me being HSP, I developed a deep inner need to be "okay" and constantly am concerned with my rank/power. This is a beautiful manifesto for understanding what's going on in a deeper level as we try and free ourselves from our inner habits. I'm currently reading the sections on inner work. I reached a second profound aha moment in the book yesterday in the chapter on the Protector-Persecuter. Dr. Aron is taking seriously the inner terrors we have and helping us navigate how those voices interact with our "innocents" inner selves and helping them interact better. This is complex and profoundly liberating. I only wish I could talk with other HSPs with narcissistic parents who have also read the book!Monica Dayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04832320748101149457noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3813761.post-31460745964095960652013-08-18T08:31:19.782-07:002013-08-18T08:31:19.782-07:00I read this book and found it very powerful. It he...I read this book and found it very powerful. It helped me understand how I was relating to others - we are human and we want to fit in. But when we take our square peg and jam it in a round hole, we find ourselves less than satisfied with our experience. This book teaches us how to find the square hole that our square peg fits into. The others may not be HSP - but we can find a way to relate to them that is healthier for us. Being part of the 20% of the population (or thereabout) means that we must bend and flex - not the other 80% of the population. The world does run by ranking and linking - that is how humans connect and interact. There are times when ranking is necessary and other times when linking is more appropriate. This book teaches us about these constructs and how to apply them as to make our journey through life more satisfying and rewarding. The book does apply to all people, however, it definitely has a valuable message for people who are HSP - we experience life a little more intensely and may have a greater challenge living in this ranking/linking world - unless we read this book and learn what to do to bend and flex in such a way as to increase the quality of our connections with others. eduktdhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03864505886627589624noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3813761.post-27575401542563609122013-08-18T05:25:40.426-07:002013-08-18T05:25:40.426-07:00I have been reading it for 6 months. Really! It is...I have been reading it for 6 months. Really! It is a deep book, but one of the best I have read. It appears the book is like its title.."Undervalued " :PAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3813761.post-46588567020391417612013-08-17T11:26:58.218-07:002013-08-17T11:26:58.218-07:00Ranking and status are socially constructed, that ...Ranking and status are socially constructed, that is, they reflect certain values that are dominant in a society. Those with great wealth or high social status are ranked higher than, for example, individuals who dedicate themselves to serving others (teachers, counselors,etc.). This is a societal bias that individuals don't necessarily need to buy into. That we may adhere to prevailing values for awhile probably reflects our need for acceptance by the group. Later in life, the importance of the group and its acceptance may fade and we feel more freedom or autonomy as individuals and can "see through" the biased nature of ranking and the values that ranking systems serve.<br /><br />Yes, ranking exists everywhere...but being able to take apart and understand ranking may help us gain a perspective and, to some degree, be able to detach from some of its more oppressive aspects.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3813761.post-66043146616079536072013-08-16T11:21:19.965-07:002013-08-16T11:21:19.965-07:00Competition can be a healthy thing in the right co...Competition can be a healthy thing in the right context. Doesn't mean you need to destroy your opponents to succeed. Effective competition has elements of cooperation, working as a team, and respecting your opponents as worthy players not to be denigrated. This kind of competition brings out the best in people, not the worst.<br /><br />In my career path I have had trouble with authoritarian bosses and have quit or been fired because I cannot authentically work under this kind of rigid ranking hierarchy. Treating people like objects to be manipulated does not work. <br /><br />On the other hand, with bosses who gently encourage you and guide you there is much more a sense of mutual cooperation. Under this kind of boss, who knows how to supervise people by bringing out the best in them and treating them with respect, I have thrived.<br /><br />The thing about ranking and linking is that they are not mutually exclusive. You need to find the right blend and balance to be effective in the world.<br /><br />HSPs tend to under-rank themselves. Narcissists and Type-A personalities tend to over-rank themselves.<br /><br />@Char<br />You were probably in the wrong work environment to begin with. Good luck with your next opportunity for a better one.<br /><br /> Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12458440666391568973noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3813761.post-31996613304734218902013-08-16T11:15:50.132-07:002013-08-16T11:15:50.132-07:00Pretty much everyone I have been in touch with see...Pretty much everyone I have been in touch with seems to have gotten a lot from the book... it does ark people to do some "inner work," but I found it well worthwhile.Peter Mhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08413240103371243243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3813761.post-11526361892208559642013-08-16T11:13:20.188-07:002013-08-16T11:13:20.188-07:00Thanks for posting this! I will buy this today.
Thanks for posting this! I will buy this today.<br />Peghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09545604032105113343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3813761.post-24972589360762479192013-08-16T08:06:19.699-07:002013-08-16T08:06:19.699-07:00Thanks for reading and commenting! Competition sim...Thanks for reading and commenting! Competition simply "exists," as a core part of human nature. In order for us to thrive as HSPs, our best bet is to learn to USE the system" to our advantage so we can (hopefully) change it for the better... rather than "FIGHT the system," which usually just results in us being worse off than when we started.Peter Mhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08413240103371243243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3813761.post-14901224557662155862013-08-16T08:03:43.910-07:002013-08-16T08:03:43.910-07:00Thanks for the additional information!
I just fee...Thanks for the additional information!<br /><br />I just feel it's a shame this book hasn't gotten more "play" as it seems like a brilliant piece of insightful work... probably Elaine's most important book, aside from "The Highly Sensitive Person." Among other things, it helped me move past my own knee-jerk "anti competition" sentiments, towards a more balanced perspective.Peter Mhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08413240103371243243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3813761.post-35211915190395333982013-08-16T07:50:11.298-07:002013-08-16T07:50:11.298-07:00I have not read this book because I hadn't hea...I have not read this book because I hadn't heard of it. Thanks for your review of it. I do plan on reading it. <br /><br />I definitely identify as an HSP and was just terminated from a job. I believe the fact that I told them that I was cooperative rather than competitive was one of the factors that may have contributed to my termination. I am healing from it as I didn't see it coming. <br /><br />Perhaps this book will shed some light on how to thrive in our world which is so competitive.Charhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14695580165017321919noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3813761.post-33376133217498642372013-08-15T22:39:44.123-07:002013-08-15T22:39:44.123-07:00Peter, thank you bringing this up.
I was at the r...Peter, thank you bringing this up.<br /><br />I was at the recent talk Elaine gave in Walnut Creek (SF Bay Area). She did express disappointment that this book has not reached a bigger audience since she considers it her gift not only to HSPs but everyone who is in need of therapeutic assistance. In it she offers her best techniques and advice to help guide you through the process at your own pace, knowing well that many cannot afford actual therapy or will not go to it for whatever reason. The book is a great tool, but does require work on your part if want to get anything out of it. Some of us may not be ready to face our issues, but this is a gentle way to ease into them at your own pace. I have read tons of 'self-help' books over the years and I consider this one of the best. And it does speak directly to HSPs since they are the majority of her private clients.<br /><br />HSP did not appear in the title because the publisher wanted her to write a book that could reach a wider audience. Also note the way the publishing industry works is that if a book does not show signs of taking off in sales fairly immediately, the publisher abandons it quickly in favor of other speculative projects. In other words it does not get promoted further.<br /><br />Personally I think HSPs in general prefer to read something that tells them how wonderful they are, rather than how to face their problems if they have them. So a book like this perhaps has less appeal.<br /><br />We have tried to start several discussions over time on The Undervalued Self on the Tribe forum but they didn't last very long. But some good sharing did come up. See:<br /><br />http://tribe.paramimedia.com/community/search.php?keywords=undervalued+self&terms=all&author=&sc=1&sf=all&sk=t&sd=d&sr=posts&st=0&ch=300&t=0&submit=Search<br /><br />You can read a synopsis of Elaine's recent talk, including remarks about therapy for HSPs and The Undervalued Self, at:<br /><br />http://tribe.paramimedia.com/community/viewtopic.php?f=16&t=1263<br /><br />http://www.facebook.com/hsp.tweets<br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12458440666391568973noreply@blogger.com