Friday, January 27, 2006

HSPs and Being a "Passenger" in your own life

I'll be the first to admit that the world can be a "grating" sort of place, and much of the time, I'd prefer to just stay at home with my books and my cats, over being "out there" in a big way.

However, when does liking "quiet time" turn from something we enjoy, and which helps us stay balanced and sane... into a form of "unhealthy isolation?" I have seen this, quite a bit, in an alarmingly large proportion of the many many HSPs I have met, over the past 8-10 years.

Along with that, I've observed another somewhat disturbing "habit" or trend. Most HSPs want to be participants in life, and what it has to offer. They even have a clear sense of what that participation entails. But that's pretty much where things end; participation remains a wish or dream, but never a reality.

As an example, I have met many who recognized their desire to be part of a local discussion/support group. Some even living in a city where a group had already formed. Yet, in spite of the desire to meet other HSPs, these people were almost completely unwilling to make the effort to become part of the group. It almost felt to me as if they expected the group leader to magically show up on their doorstep with an invitation. And then to come and personally pick them up, and drive them home again, on the days of meetings.

Which begs the question: "How can we honestly expect our lives to change for the better, if we're not willing to put in the effort to change our lives for the better?"

I guess the point I am trying to make, here, is that if you're waiting for the things you want in life to "just show up," you're allowing yourself to be little more than a "passenger" in your own life, rather than a participant. And, as a passenger-- I'm sad to tell you-- you don't get to have much say in where you end up. In a sense, most of those people who feel "victimized" by their life circumstances can also look within and notice how often they have often been "passengers."

I wonder how this plays out in your life? Do you recognize the places where you are limiting your experiences through expectations that whatever it is you want "should" not require effort and input from you? Do you recognize the places where you have "wished for" something, but never taken steps towards that something?

For me, it has been a matter of learning to stay alert to the gap between "wanting" and "having" something. Don't get me wrong, however. "Wanting" is fine, if you're happy with that, but "having" almost always requires effort, intent and an investment of emotional energy.


  1. I agree; it's a constant struggle to want to be out--but having to balance that with the need to be in.

    There IS a monthly HSP meeting in my city (L.A.)--which I would probably attend on a regular basis--but for the fact that it's INSANELY difficult to GET to! A 90+ minute drive in the best of circumstances. Just exhausting.
    (I would argue that, in L.A., there are many NON-HSP's that would not attempt that either!)

    I also agree that NOTHING will change in our lives unless we can find that balance and push ourselves to be out, while maintaining some kind of balance with our own needs...

  2. AHA!!! I found youuuu!!! ^_^ *tags you on the shoulder*

    So this'll be more busy on this blog rather than on xanga now? Cheeee....^_^

    -tei hakuto


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