Tuesday, March 14, 2023

Notes from my Desk: Re-Birth, Once Again... aka "Reality Bites"

Recently, I have been considering things that "fade away" in our lives.

I'm talking about those things that just seem to "leave with a whimper," not those things we make an active decision to end, for one reason or another. As a Highly Sensitive Person, I have had many of the former things in my life — in fact, quite a few more than I am willing to admit to.

Most often, the common reason I end up pointing to is "overstimulation," that bugaboo that haunts many HSPs. In my case, "abandoned projects" are almost inevitably the result of launching into a project with enthusiasm, then "something" happens and the project gets temporarily put on the back burner but because life is... well... busy... and I discover that I simply don't have the energy to continue at the same time as also keeping up with "regular life." As more time passes, "temporarily" gradually becomes "permanently."

Not because I don't like the project anymore... but because dealing with it feels like "too much," on top of everything else.

Often, what I think of as "in this moment overstimulation" is replaced with a sort of "long term overstimulation" as I consider the fact that I really do want to continue with some project on my metaphorical back burner, but now it has gone from merely a "resuming" situation, to needing to find six free days to (re)organize everything merely so that I can get back to the point where I originally let things slide. By then it feels like a huge project, and so I am avoiding it, because I know it will feel overwhelming once I get started again.

I suppose we all get involved in something from time to time, and let it slide away. Maybe that's just human nature and not "HSP nature." And seriously? It only bugs me when I recognize that something really worthwhile has gotten away from me... and there is not enough ME to do what I want to do.

So... why am I writing this?

One of the facts of my reality I often end up pondering is how often it feels like there simply isn't "enough ME" to go around; to apply to the things I deem important.

On deeper examination, I end up facing the simple fact that the mere process of "earning a living" as a self-employed person leaves pretty much zero energy in reserve to merely do things for fun. In her books and workshops, Elaine Aron speaks about how it is important for HSPs to not work too much, as a way to manage overstimulation and eventual burnout.

I definitely don't want to work a lot, but in the USA in 2023 many of us don't have much choice. You work a lot, or you end up living in a cardboard box.

There are property taxes due, in a couple of weeks. You pay them, or you lose your home... a realization that what we "have" in life often hangs by a fragile thread. 

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