Monday, May 06, 2013

HSPs and the Fine Art of Building Up, not Tearing Down

You've probably had people in your life who seemed very negative... and whose primary purpose in the world seemed to be to "tear apart" pretty much any idea or suggestion that comes along. Of course, such a tendency isn't necessarily "an HSP thing."

That said, we HSPs-- possibly as a result of our tendencies to dwell deeply and endlessly on bad things that happened to us in the past-- seem to have a way of finding reasons "not to."

What do I mean by that?

We often seem to be a wellspring of reasons "not to" participate, "not to" share an opinion, "not to" get involved, "not to" join something and more. Perhaps you even recognize this in yourself... and-- most likely-- you have a "perfectly reasonable" explanation whenever you choose this path.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with retreating to your "comfort zone" if you genuinely feel like something is going to overstimulate and overwhelm you. However, when it's "just an excuse" and that comfort zone shrinks to no more than a tiny hole that excludes almost all of life... then we have a problem. And that may also be when it starts feeling like others are judging us negatively.

Think about this for a moment: Do you find yourself in situations where someone asks you to be part of something, or do something, and the first thing that comes into your mind is to try to find all the ways in which what's being offered is "wrong?" Do you sometimes apply this to people... people who are perhaps trying to befriend you, and yet you decide to "find fault" with some trivial aspect of who they are... so you can back away from the friendship?

Conversely, sometimes it's ourselves we "tear down," not others. Maybe we're asked to be part of some activity, but back away and beg off, citing that we're not "experienced enough" or "skilled enough." Underneath... we simply feel "not worthy."

It's not easy being an HSP in a not-so-sensitive world. I'll be the first to admit that...

Sometimes, though, we just have to say "yes" and start building something, rather than always finding fault and tearing things down.

It's a simple fact of life-- not just HSP life-- that it's easier to tear something down, than to build it up. And it's easier to try to force others to bend their reality to fit ours, than to step up and make compromises of our own.

Of course, you may be reading these words and thinking "But wait! It's usually ME who gets town down, not vice versa!"

Even if that is so, this is still an invitation to "start building." When we work on ourselves and have a solid "foundation," then it becomes not only easier to stand up to those who would tear us down, it becomes easier to go forth in the world and be participants who say yes-- from a place of awareness-- because we have a stronger sense of self to return to, even when we do make compromises.

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