The World is Heavy…

Typically, I try to limit my screen time because the eternal "doom scrolling" I invariably end up entangled in feels both overstimulating and annoying at the same time.

I also try to limit my exposure to politics in the news because that also feels both overstimulating and annoying at the same time.

Over the years, I've had quite a few friends who claim that they're not part of the political process or don't even vote because they feel like their voice doesn't make a difference, anyway. The part of me who feels civically responsible gets annoyed by it, while a different part of me can't really say that I blame them.

Sometimes, you do have to wonder. Is this all just a show we're watching unfold where the deeper and darker truth is that the outcome has already been decided, ahead of time?

I can certainly understand how some people would feel despondent about it all. 

I'm going to stay clear of political commentary because this is not a blog about politics, even though none of us can really hope to remain completely untouched by the effects of what is going on in the world. The only thing I have to say about it all is that we more or less "force" people to retire when they reach about age 70, so I believe — by the same measure — that you should not be able to run for higher elected offices if you're going to be 72 or older at the time you start office.

Otherwise, I'm just going to leave it at the world feels heavy these days. And I don't really know what I or anyone else could do to make it feel lighter.

Notes from my Desk: Re-Birth, Once Again... aka "Reality Bites"

Recently, I have been considering things that "fade away" in our lives.

I'm talking about those things that just seem to "leave with a whimper," not those things we make an active decision to end, for one reason or another. As a Highly Sensitive Person, I have had many of the former things in my life — in fact, quite a few more than I am willing to admit to.

Most often, the common reason I end up pointing to is "overstimulation," that bugaboo that haunts many HSPs. In my case, "abandoned projects" are almost inevitably the result of launching into a project with enthusiasm, then "something" happens and the project gets temporarily put on the back burner but because life is... well... busy... and I discover that I simply don't have the energy to continue at the same time as also keeping up with "regular life." As more time passes, "temporarily" gradually becomes "permanently."

Not because I don't like the project anymore... but because dealing with it feels like "too much," on top of everything else.

Often, what I think of as "in this moment overstimulation" is replaced with a sort of "long term overstimulation" as I consider the fact that I really do want to continue with some project on my metaphorical back burner, but now it has gone from merely a "resuming" situation, to needing to find six free days to (re)organize everything merely so that I can get back to the point where I originally let things slide. By then it feels like a huge project, and so I am avoiding it, because I know it will feel overwhelming once I get started again.

I suppose we all get involved in something from time to time, and let it slide away. Maybe that's just human nature and not "HSP nature." And seriously? It only bugs me when I recognize that something really worthwhile has gotten away from me... and there is not enough ME to do what I want to do.

So... why am I writing this?

One of the facts of my reality I often end up pondering is how often it feels like there simply isn't "enough ME" to go around; to apply to the things I deem important.

On deeper examination, I end up facing the simple fact that the mere process of "earning a living" as a self-employed person leaves pretty much zero energy in reserve to merely do things for fun. In her books and workshops, Elaine Aron speaks about how it is important for HSPs to not work too much, as a way to manage overstimulation and eventual burnout.

I definitely don't want to work a lot, but in the USA in 2023 many of us don't have much choice. You work a lot, or you end up living in a cardboard box.

There are property taxes due, in a couple of weeks. You pay them, or you lose your home... a realization that what we "have" in life often hangs by a fragile thread. 

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"... When the World Overwhelms You."

I realized, this morning, that it has been almost 20 years since I first came across Elaine Aron's book "The Highly Sensitive Person."

As I pulled out my ancient dog-eared copy, I also remembered that it was less the actual title than the byline "How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You" that I related deeply to.

"... When the World Overwhelms You."

Part of me wants to say that I have felt overwhelmed by the world since birth... but I don't know that, for sure. But I do remember that the sense of overwhelm was in full flow when I started first grade and every day felt... exhausting.

As of late, I have not been writing much, not contributing much to the HSP "dialogue" for the very simple reason that the world has been overwhelming me.

In fact, I'd submit that the world has been "overwhelming me" on a full-time basis for about 4-5 years, now. Before that, the overwhelm was more "sporadic and periodic."

Don't misunderstand me, here. I am not trying to start a "wah-wah pity party" here, I am merely observing reality as I am experiencing it, in a non-attached Buddhist sort of way.

Nonetheless, my current state of mind leaves me pondering the question "Have I changed... or has the world changed?"

They (whoever "they" may be...) say that our sensitivities heighten as we age. I am not sure I agree entirely with that. It seems more likely to me that as we age we become more self aware, and thus more capable of recognizing that we are experiencing an extension of our innate sensitivity, rather than attributing our turmoil (or whatever we're feeling) to something else.

So that leaves "the world."

Thanks in large part to technology, I have no doubt the world is eternally "speeding up." Stated a little differently, the volume of stimuli-- information, news, activities, entertainment, obligations and so on-- increases every year. Meanwhile, a great many people-- at least here in the USA-- are experiencing that they need to spend ever more time and effort to merely "swim in place," financially, socially, functionally, psychologically and so on.

When I sit with that and contemplate it, it feels like I have less and less time to process more and more stuff. I am simply like an hourglass-- I process a fairly constant volume of stimuli well, but if more and more sand gets poured in the top half, the narrow opening can never "clear" the inflow. As an HSP, that leaves me feeling overwhelmed.

Meanwhile, it also seems like there is a lot of pervasive "time thievery" going on, these days... and I have to admit that this time thievery contributes significantly to my current feeling of overwhelm. I'll try to explain, and maybe you can relate.

For example, it's one thing that there was a controversial election that seems to have polarized this country. It's also a thing that there's a standoff over a pipeline in North Dakota and there's naturally a flood of attendant news. I can deal with that.

But now the new "time thief" is this whole concept of "fake news." Not only are there endless news stories, but now I have to spend additional time trying to determine whether any given story really IS a news story, or just some sensationalist clickbait created by a couple of profiteering vagrants who find it amusing to watch other people fall into a chaotic frenzy. IF (and that's an important question, here in our modern world) I want to remain a truly informed citizen, a five minute news story has now become a 15-minute research project.

But my day didn't become 24 hours and 10 minutes long to accommodate the new paradigm.

And so, the world overwhelms me... which is also a somewhat long-winded explanation for the repeated question I often get as to why I don't write anymore.

Of course, well meaning folks tell me I should turn it off and simplify my life... but isn't the whole ignoring it and sticking our heads in the sand with the excuse that "we can't deal with it" precisely part the the problem that created this whole mess? And how can you hope to make the world a better place if you're tuning it out?

Aside from which, how do you simplify a life that has already-- out of functional necessity-- been trimmed to the bare bones? I'm sorry, but living in a tent in the woods is not going to reduce my overstimulation... I like indoor plumbing and a bed! Of COURse there are lots of people who are "far worse off" than I am, but comparing our situation to the lowest common denominator doesn't fix the problem, it merely creates a greater pool of discontent... a sort of "misery loves company" circle jerk. I'm sorry, but that's not the world I'm looking to live in.

So how do we "thrive" when the world overwhelms us?

As of this moment, I am not entirely clear on that, but it somehow will involve a reiteration of a process I last went through in my mid-30's, when I abandoned working in the mainstream and became self-employed... which wasn't just about changing how I worked, but about changing how I lived, removing the expectations and trappings of "corporate life."

With 20 years of "creative independence" under my belt another revision now seems due, as I sit with the reality that I am not exactly thriving... I am surviving and getting by. I may have more "psychic income and wealth" than ever before, but the supermarket and electric company does not accept that currency in consideration of groceries and power. Which ends up creating a sort of inner dissonance which is another contributing factor to the overwhelm... if I am spending 70 hours a week in the business of simply maintaining, there's little left over to pursue other interests.

What is clear to me is that Being A Highly Sensitive Person is merely a piece of information about who I am. Whereas it influences and affects how I experience and interact with the world around me, it's not "a thing," in and of itself. It doesn't "do" anything. It doesn't "entitle" me to anything, nor does it make me "special" in some cosmic way most people give a rat's ass about. I am still a Human Being who needs to negotiate life, just like everyone else. Go to work, make dinner, pet the cat, take out the garbage, pay the bills. I am primarily a Human Being... who happens to be a Highly Sensitive Person.

In closing, I am considering that this is perhaps the natural "end point" in the journey of understanding ourselves, as HSPs. We start as "confused humans" who then learn we are HSPs; there's relief. Nothing "wrong" with us. We learn. We take on the "label" and adjust. We become wise in the ways of our sensitivity. And then we go back to simply being human, with an additional body of helpful knowledge.

Stay tuned for more ramblings; as I wrote a while back, I have let a number of my web sites and blogs quietly pass on... as a result of which, this will now double as both an "HSP" and a "personal" blog space. But not to worry, I'll still post the more inflammatory political and social commentary elsewhere!

Feel free to leave a comment!

Random Musings on HSPs, Marketing, Social Media and Overstimulation

Sometimes it's the "little things" that bother us and can lead to HSP overstimulation. But what exactly ARE "little" things?

This morning, as I was wading through the daily deluge of email, there was an update from an HSP group I belong to on Google+ (It's a nice group, if you want to look at it). I expect many of us get these "so-and-so posted a new message to such-and-such a group" updates.

Anyway, because I am actually interested in HSP-related stuff, I clicked on the link... and got a "the content you are looking for is not available" message, and realized that the original post had been removed.

OK. Had it been spam? That didn't entirely make sense to me as the "so-and-so" person who'd shared the original post was somewhat known to me and is definitely not a spammer.

So I decided to poke around a bit to see if I could figure out what was going on.

Then I understood (I think). The original post had been an announcement of this person's new web site. Nothing wrong with that-- it was definitely "on topic" and relevant to HSPs and might be both useful and informative to those learning about our trait.

The real problem? The post had been an announcement of a web site that wasn't actually built or running yet, just "in the works." The splash page at the end of the link did nothing more than announce that "exciting content coming soon!" and then offered a popup form to ask for email addresses to "be notified of exciting new features."

Whether it's an "HSP cautiousness" thing or not, I now understood why the group owner had deleted the post. I, too, find it annoying to be be asked to support something that "isn't there." And if I am going to give someone my email address... I want to SEE what I am actually agreeing to, not just be offered some promise of future benefits.

As always, I had a lot of items in my email this morning. Whereas I had just experienced a "tiny incident," it made me consider how much time, energy and bandwidth we often waste on "empty information," especially in these days of every more complex social media.

Of course, it's easy to just take an all-or-nothing approach and shut ourselves off by saying "I'm just going block EVERYthing in order to keep my sanity!"

But is locking out all the noise of life really the best solution?

When I look at all the email I wade through, it is frequently overwhelming, and I sometimes wish we were back in simpler times with less information. On the other hand, I have to confess that there's lots of marvelous stuff I would never have learned about or experienced if I'd just applied a wholesale "nothing for me" approach.

For the Highly Sensitive Person, what really matters is finding balance, not shutting yourself off to all forms of external noise. And that means we do have to take the time to decide what is really meaningful and allowing those things in.

I still meet HSPs who fiercely state that they "don't do Facebook" with fiery determination... but ALL of Facebook isn't evil, per se. Like most things, there are good bits and bad bits. "Not doing social media" may eliminate that aspect of stimulation from your life, but is that necessarily ideal?

To that end, I am reminded of one of my Teachers of many moons ago-- I was attending a workshop, and the discussion somehow ended up on our social lives and connecting with people. A number of people commented that they felt like recluses and that "nothing ever happened" in their lives. The teacher then asked what they were doing to create a better social life. There was generally silence. In the end, he made the point that in life-- be it 3D social, or with managing social media, or with general experiences and adventures-- we can't expect much of anything if we are not willing to put ourselves "in harm's way," metaphorically speaking.

And so, in the end, I may complain a lot about information overload but ultimately I feel more informed, educated and balanced as a result of allowing my own version of "filtered noise" to reach me... because some of it really does turn out to be "gold nuggets."

How do YOU handle social media? And the endless stream of information we're subjected to? Have you found a good balance? Have you created "filters" that allows the useful, and lets the useless go? 

HSP Derailed! Overstimulation... or ADHD?

From time to time, I find myself examining just where being a Highly Sensitive Person "ends" and where "other issues" begin.

Personally, I believe that thoroughly "understanding ourselves" is one of the most important things we can do for ourselves, as HSPs.

Why?

It's an easy "out" to simply attribute everything we struggle with to the blanket statement "because I'm an HSP, that's why" and thereby shut ourselves off to genuine avenues towards living better and more fulfilling lives. Let's face it, not everything we experience is because of high sensitivity.

Issue at hand: I work from home, and yesterday I was working on a fairly large "catch-up project" I've been avoiding (a bunch of fairly dull paperwork sorting related to business taxes) when something unrelated "came up."

Even though I was only "distracted" for about 20 minutes, I found it almost impossible to get back to being productive, and the more I tried to pick up where I had left off, the more irritable and overstimulated I felt. Eventually, I just gave up and moved on to doing something completely different. Even so, I remained kind of annoyed with my own inability to resume where I'd broken off and the remainder of the day ended up pretty much being a loss. Ever experience something like that?

So what's really going on?

Whereas I am an HSP, I am also an adult with ADHD. I am easily distracted, and I have issues with concentration. And that's not "because I'm an HSP." Now, the "overstimulation" part? That's more likely where the sensitivity kicks in.

And the fact that was sitting here "processing deeply" and overanalyzing the whole thing? That's probably also related to my being an HSP...

OK, So that last bit was a joke. At least sort of. We HSPs do ruminate a lot...

It's not always easy to get these distinctions to fit neatly into one category or another, but I do find it useful to pause and examine what's really going on when distressing situations arise. I realized that part of my anger with myself stemmed from very old memories from school where my parents were often told that "Peter would do really well if he'd only apply himself more." I would get angry because nobody seemed willing to consider that I just couldn't "apply myself" any more. I tried... I really did.

So why do I care "what's what" and why do I feel that it matters... and why should it matter to you?

Life as an HSP can be challenging, and since we are living with an inborn trait all we can do is "manage" our lives to run as smoothly as possible. You can't "treat" being an HSP and there's no "cure" for it (It's not even a "diagnosis") but often we can apply certain techniques and "helping tools" to help smooth the bumps. But to do so correctly, it's important we understand the nature of the bumps we encounter and precisely what caused them.

As a simple metaphor, "allergies" and "a cold" both cause your nose to run and it would be an easy out to say they were "the same"... but from a healing perspective, it makes little sense to treat them like that because they are actually two quite different things.

So it is with being Highly Sensitive, and dealing with things that are not high sensitivity... but still cause us distress. We mustn't allow our trait to become a convenient "catch all" to explain away all our difficulties.... be informed! Know yourself!

What do YOU think? Do you usually have a clear understanding of what happens "because you're an HSP" and what happens for other reasons? Do share and leave a comment!

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HSPs, Travel & Preparing for the Unknown

The late John Lennon once said "Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans."

A couple of years ago, Sarah and I spent a week in Taos, NM, attending the annual Labyrinth Society Gathering. I won't get into details about the event itself-- although Labyrinths are highly relevant to HSPs, in my opinion-- but the whole business of "going" got me to thinking about the issue of HSPs and travel.

In the course of my 15-odd years of being part of the global HSP "community," I have heard many highly sensitive people lament that travel is either very difficult for them, or they avoid it altogether, too concerned about dealing with the unfamiliarity of strange places, the discomfort of hotel beds and the general overstimulation that goes with planning and going on a trip.

It always surprises me a bit that there have not been dedicated books and web sites, specifically written about this topic. For a while, there was an "HSP Travel" blog on the web, but it ceased publication a few years back. A couple of HSP writers published short booklets about travel and "HSP-friendly" venues in their cities. Aside from that, nothing.

After the snow; Denver Airport, 10/26/2011

But I digress. There are a few simple things you can do, as an HSP, to make the traveling experience less taxing and more enjoyable.

One of the items on Dr. Elaine Aron's self-assessment for sensitivity reads: "Changes in my life shake me up." Another reads: "I make it a high priority to arrange my life to avoid upsetting or overwhelming situations."

Now, think about these two in the context of being an HSP and dealing with modern travel-- being in a strange location, dealing with flight delays and cancellations, and so forth.

Of course, you can't prepare for everything. Like flight delays caused by weather. Case in point: We thought that flying to Albuquerque via Denver would be a safe bet, in October. Alas, no! 

On our return flight, we ended up with major delays, due to an unexpected blizzard... causing us to miss one flight and have to wait five hours to connect with the next one.

Ultimately it was a good reminder that some things are just beyond our control... and then the best thing we can do is just settle in and relax; pacing endlessly or getting overwrought with worry will not make any difference. 

As an HSP, the best thing you can do is find a part of the terminal that has fewer people and settle in with a good book or-- if you're traveling with your laptop computer-- use the airport's free wifi network to catch up on some correspondence, write in your journal, or even play puzzle games or whatever else you might do online during slack times.

Remember, there are certain things you simply can't change (like flight schedules and the weather); focus on the ones you can!

Safe travels!

HSP Overstimulation... and the Benefits of Organization

As an HSP, one of the "issues" I often deal with is being mindful of-- which basically means "recognizing," before they happen-- the points of overwhelm in my life. These are like trigger points that arise as warning signs, before I get to a point of being in the middle of that thing we know as "HSP overstimulation."

That may sound simple enough, but there's a lot more to it than merely recognizing that if I get on a rollercoaster (metaphorical or real) I'm going to get overwhelmed and overstimulated. For the vast majority of us HSPs the "problem" seldom relates to the very obvious whack-over-the-head events of our lives, but to the subtle stress factors that quietly and pervasively poke at the edges of our consciousness, like Chinese water torture.

We all have different ways of approaching life, of course.

Some 17 years ago, I learned about this thing called "being a Highly Sensitive Person." Shortly thereafter, I started learning what I could do about that... not in the sense of trying to "fix" it, but to make life "work" for me, with only a minimum of disruption.

For me, being well organized has become one of my key tools in keeping the feeling that life is constantly overwhelming me down to a dull roar. I came to realize that dealing with the "layer of chaos" that tended to float around me-- as a result of not taking steps to be organized-- ate lots of physical, emotional and psychic bandwidth that I simply didn't have available to give. I realized that I often would get more stressed out "preparing to do" than "actually doing" a lot of things because they felt larger than they actually were because I'd not planned them out, in a functional manner. I was more overwhelmed by the idea than the reality of a situation.

Let me offer up a very simplistic metaphor.

We all have to "pay bills." That's just a given; that's just life.

In days gone by, that was a chaotic and stressful experience for me. It involved lots of "unknowns," all of which needlessly added to my stress level: First, I had to find all the bills, which I had put in an assortment of "safe places" around the apartment. Then I had to "hope" that I hadn't waited too long, so I would owe (needless) late fees. Then I had to hope that-- in fact-- I had been able to find all the bills. Before any of these points were reached, I also dealt with the daily worry of thinking "I really should pay bills, soon." Of course, then I had to hope that I actually had enough money to pay the bills... because I had no such thing as "a budget," and really no sense of how much I needed to be able to pay, each month; just a general sense that I made about "enough" to handle things, if nothing "had come up." Then I had to find last month's paid bills... because I couldn't always remember what had already been paid.

Now, actually paying bills is a pretty simple deal. In essence, it takes about an hour a month... and isn't particularly stressful, in and of itself.

What was causing me to get overstimulated and overwhelmed was what I came to think of as "The Cloud of Surrounding Chaos" associated with paying bills. Again, keep in mind that "paying bills" is merely a metaphor for so many things we have to deal with in daily life.

Getting back to "paying bills" effectively taking an hour a month... my real problem was that I was "creating" six hours of anxiety and overstimulation as a result of being poorly organized. As I look back over my life, poor organization caused my excessive stress in many areas-- my finances, how I ran my home business, my taxes, my writing, keeping track of my web sites...

Now, there are those who will read this and think to themselves "yeah, but it's just not in my nature to be organized!"

Well, yes and no. Part of my challenge has long been that I have ADHD, in addition to being an HSP... and that's not about "character" or "personality."

It IS also true that certain personality types (I happen to be an INFJ, per Myers-Briggs, so allegedly it's easier for me to organize) are not oriented towards being organized. That said, being organized (or not) is a choice not a personality trait. Saying things like "I can't" be organized is ultimately an excuse; a rationalization; a way of saying "I don't WANT to" or "I don't LIKE to" while wrapping this assertion in "packaging" that allows us to abdicate personal accountability for our choices, and instead shift it to "externals," like our personality type.

Trust me, you can (be organized), but it ultimately comes down to choosing whether or not the benefits gained (getting rid of the overwhelm and overstimulation of our personal "Clouds of Surrounding Chaos") outweigh "doing something you really don't like" (organizing) for a few hours or days to get rid of that cloud, for good.

Truth in disclosure: It has actually taken me years to get organized, and I am still working on it. This morning, I recognized that one of my "triggers" was being poked at... and I realized that I have no effective organizational system to help me keep up with the many groups, web sites and blogs I own and manage... and I was feeling overwhelmed at the mere thought of trying to figure what was "current" and what was not.

I will add here that it has also taken me years to get organized "my way." The point being that conventional time management systems did not work for me, so I created my own. And that's not an overnight process... and trying to make it happen faster than it can just adds a different way to overstimulate ourselves. However, my incidences of going into "full overwhelm" are far fewer than they used to be.

Finally, I am also not saying that you "must do this." What I am doing is inviting you to be mindful of, and awake to, your own life and what is going on in it. You may already be perfectly well organized-- for you. The invitation is to examine whether or not you are causing yourself stress and overwhelm as a result of the "structure" of your life, rather than the "content" of it.

As HSPs, we have only limited bandwidth to give to our lives before we get overstimulated. Thus, the saying "work SMARTER, not HARDER" is particularly applicable to us... and perhaps the single best way we can get just as much out of life as everyone else...

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Talk Back! How organized are you? If you feel DIS-organized, can you look at this and recognize that it causes you overstimulation? Or do you just accept that you're not organized? Leave a comment!

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HSPs, Sociability and Feeling Overstimulated

This past weekend (August 16th-18th) The White Light Express held its annual conference and retreat, here in Port Townsend, Washington.

I mention this because I am a central part of the organization, and thus have lots of attendant responsibilities. And this annual event find me-- as an introverted HSP-- being on the go and having to be very "public" with lots of people, for several days.

There's a common misconception that introverts-- HSP and non-HSP alike-- are "antisocial" and outright "don't like people." That's simply not not true. I actually like people very much but the act of "socializing" (especially with a large group of mostly strangers) is exhausting, for me.

To truly understand what's going on with an HSP when they declare "I really don't like crowds" is typically far less about "avoiding people" than about "avoiding overstimulation." Although the greater world has a fondness for labeling HSPs as being "shy" or "socially anxious" that characterization actually holds true in far fewer instances than most people would think.

At the end of three days of being "public" and "social," I found myself feeling quite worn out. And even though the 60-odd people in attendance at the conference's "main event" were mainly of like-kind beliefs and orientations, being in close proximity to so many "energies" for an extended period of time was draining. The only thing I really wanted to do with the Monday immediately following the conference was to sit and stare at the wall. Alas, that was not entirely possible, as there were "loose ends" to be chased and closed.

And these were nice people, many with similar interests.

Going into the event, I was already a bit "on edge" given that I was going to be teaching a 3-hour workshop on Sunday. It wasn't that I felt like I didn't know my material, or that I would have to "speak in front of people," it was again about a sense of energy drain... not simply as a result of being an introvert, but as a result of being an HSP and "aware" of other people's energies.

As HSPs, it important that we understand the underlying whys of how we get to feeling exhausted... and that we do not accept external perceptions of us to be "facts." So whenever someone is trying to offer you a "good reason" for your social interaction choices, take a step back and ask yourself whether it really "feels true." Most HSPs are really not shy, or socially anxious... they are just... HSPs.

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Talk Back: Do groups of people overstimulate you? Have you ever attributed to "social anxiety" or "shyness" behaviors that might be only the result of being an HSP? Leave a comment! 

Sharing is Love! If you found this article helpful, interesting or useful, please share it with others! Use the buttons below to post to social media or send by email, and help be part of  the ongoing process of spreading general awareness of the HSP trait. Thank you!
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HSPs & Overstimulation: Do your choices support a balanced life?

From time to time I like to check in with the online bookstores (Amazon, etc.) to see if there are any new books on the market about high sensitivity, Sensory Processing Sensitivity or other closely related subjects.

As I perused a few titles I hadn't come across before, I started noticing how many new books are made for Kindle (or other tablet readers), and how an increasing number are "Kindle ONLY."

Personally, I like books. Books made of paper, that is. It's not that I am a Luddite, or "technology phobic"-- I'm actually surrounded by a sea of recent technological innovation-- it's just the old fashioned books are "low tech," which also means they are "low stimulation," at least for me.

A book is... just a book. It can't "access the Internet," it can't suddenly "update itself" and it doesn't have a built-in dictionary or 47 different display options. A book isn't suddenly going to let me know (as some readers and tablets can) that I have an incoming phone call, or new email. A book doesn't come with any concerns that its battery is running low. With a book, I don't have to think about anything but "words on a page," and there are no "tempting sidetracks" to distract me... which, for someone with ADD-ish tendencies and a general propensity for simply being interested in lots of things, are features I'd just as well keep to a minimum.

As I said, I'm not a Luddite and I really like new technology... but I am also someone who remains constantly conscious of the "small trickles of stuff" in life that contribute-- when all added together-- to that this we HSPs know as "overstimulation" of basically getting overwhelmed by our environment.

Which got me to thinking about whether-- and to what degree-- HSPs really do make choices in support of "slowing down" and managing stimulation... or are (like most people) doing the many things that surround us, all of which are designed to "speed life up."

Normally we think of events that cause overstimulation as "big" things like traveling to a family gathering, planning someone's birthday party or spending an entire day at the mall. But are you aware of all the little things in your daily life? These are things we don't so often think about because they really don't cause overstimulation... they merely make a "small contribution" towards it, when added to a bunch of other "small contributions." Many are so subtle we don't even think about them...

Like reading books on an electronic device with "other feaures" than just the book. Or trying to catch up with the TV news while on a treadmill or exercise machine. There are lots of others... rather than list them, I ask you to consider taking a few minutes to sit down and think about where they are, in your life. You might be surprised.

Anyway, since this post is partly about books, I'd like to give a shout-out to Dr. Ted Zeff who has a new book out entitled "Raise an Emotionally Healthy Boy: Save Your Son From the Violent Boy Culture." There has been a recent increase in the general "visibility" of highly sensitive men, as more and more are stepping forward and talking about their experiences with being male and highly sensitive-- a combination that's often "frowned upon" in our "tough guy" culture. Although this book isn't specifically about HSPs, it is highly relevant for HSPs... and is basically an extension of Zeff recent research and focus on highly sensitive males. If you have a son who is-- or whom you suspect might be-- an HSP, do consider getting your hands on this book!

Anyway, I hope this might inspire you to take a moment to consider your daily choices, and whether or not they support keeping your energies well balanced.

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Talk Back! Do you make an active effort to consider whether or not your daily choices help "manage" the stimulation level in your life... or do you just allow things to "unfold as they will" and hope for the best? Are there things you know you ought to change, because you'll feel calmer if you do? Please share your experience and leave a comment!

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HSP Issues: How do YOU get overwhelmed?

It's no secret that one of the less pleasant aspects of being a Highly Sensitive Person is the periodic feeling of overwhelm (or "overstimulation," as Elaine Aron calls it) most of us endure. There isn't much we can do about it-- it's just part and parcel of being an HSP. As one HS friend once told me "When your flame burns really bright, it also tends to burn out faster."

As far as I can tell, there's not one single thing that causes an HSP to get overstimulated, although one thing I often hear is "I just had too much stuff on my plate."

Since we can't get rid of our propensity to become overstimulated, the next best thing is learning to "manage" it. This generally involves a combination of self-awareness and good time management with strong boundaries.

Self-awareness teaches us to stay "tuned in" to ourselves to such a degree that we can opt out of something we're doing, before we reach the point of getting totally frazzled. Self-awareness also allows us to stay on top of the specific things (or "triggers") that cause us to get overwound-- but since they tend to vary from person to person, I can't really offer a checklist you can start using.

From my own life, I know that crowded noisy events-- especially when combined with a longish journey to get to them-- tend to wear me out very quickly. The onslaught of noise, bright light, voices, people pushing and shoving and the energy of a crowd... at the end of a two-hour drive-- makes my head feel like it is going to explode. I also know that I can prepare myself for such events and do OK... BUT, if I have to participate at a time when I am already "really busy," then I know I am headed to a bad place

So, my "coping mechanism" (this is the time management part) isn't necessarily to opt out of the event, but to drive to the location the evening before, spend the night at a nearby motel, and then arrive at the event somewhat refreshed, at the end of a five minute drive. Does it cost more? Yes! But I'd rather enjoy one event at a leisurely pace than be frazzled by two.

On the surface, many may think "but I didn't have a CHOICE!" Indeed, sometimes we don't have a choice, but most of the time we can "create" choices by planning ahead, rather than just "letting life happen TO us." Unfortunately, many HSPs struggle with planning, as it tends to be a rather "left brain" (analytical) type of thinking process, where most HSPs prefer "right brain" (intuitive/subjective) thinking. However, in the interest of self-preservation, planning is one of those areas where we are well served by stepping outside our comfort zones.

Sometimes self-awareness, planning and time management for HSPs means that we may have to make choices we don't like. Sometimes we may choose to be part of something we know will cause overstimulation-- however, simply "being aware" (rather than "being taken by surprise") may help us deal with the situation. Sometimes we may want to be part of two things we like, but the intensity of doing both things will cause overwhelm... and we have to be willing to say "no" to one of them, in spite of perhaps feeling some peer pressure in the form of negative self-talk along the lines of "I should be able to do this-- any NORMAL person can." We must honor that we are HSPs... and we get to set our own defintion of "normal."

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Talk Back! How do you experience feeling overstimulated? Are you aware of specific situations that lead to overwhelm, or are you not aware till you're "in the middle of it?" Do you have coping tools for these situations? Do you plan ahead and manage your time and energy output, ahead of potentially challenging situations or events? Are there specific types of events you have learned to say no to? Have you found a balance between "avoiding" and "managed participation" in life's events? Please leave a comment!

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Choices: Starting from HERE

I am getting back into writing-- here, and in other places.

"Starting" is a process, and it seems different for different people. Elaine Aron writes that HSPs tend to be uncommonly conscientious. I know this holds true for me, and I'll also be the first to admit that I have often had a tendency towards perfectionism.

This morning, I was contemplating this process of getting the HSP Notes blog going again. And I soon realized that I was starting down an old path of "spinning my wheels," which (to go by past history) could eventually lead to feeling overwhelmed... and then getting nothing done.

Perhaps you're familiar with this scenario (or something similar) when it comes to "starting" something:

I log into my account.
I'm immediately aware that I have neglected my blog for a year.
I feel some guilt over this-- this blog has a large readership, and IS (after all) the longest running HSP blog on the www.
I tell myself I must write "something important" to get started again.
I start thinking about the entries from my personal journal, from this past year, I want to write up and transfer here.
I start thinking about all the "peripheral" things I need to update, as I re-start here.
I think about new features I want to add.

No more than TEN MINUTES passed, since I "arrived" here to write an update... and I was at the edge of "feeling stuck," because the simple original intent of "writing a new entry" had turned into "a huge project." And the edges of overwhelm were creeping up on me.

In times past, I would have launched myself into hours of work to make sure "I did it properly."

Today... I stepped back, and reminded myself that sometimes we simply have to "start from HERE," even if what we're doing is part of some greater picture. If you're moving, step back from the HUGE project called "I'm moving," and just "pack ONE box." If you're getting back into exercising after a 5-year break, step back from the knowledge that you once ran marathons, and focus on "working out 10 minutes today."

Sometimes "the past" (and our history) is not only "not helpful" to our current situation... it can actually become "clutter" that impedes our progress.

Sometimes we simply have to Start From Here, and trust that the rest will get taken care of, as needed.

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Talk Back: How often do you find yourself "stuck" because you allow something small and simple to grow into a huge project? Are you able to avoid the temptation to "clean your desk" before you can start a simple task? Leave a comment!

HSPs and "Family duty:" when you DON'T have a choice

Sometimes there are just things you "have to" do.

For some time, I have been putting off going to Europe, to visit my mother. My mother just turned 86, and is not in the best of health. However, the mere thought of the trip overseas has repeatedly pushed me to postpone, and postpone, and postpone.

Family, for me, has always been somewhat of a "duty thing." Some people grow up in close-knit loving and supportive environments, some do not. My family not only fits in the latter category, family members are also spread out thinly, all around the world.

The prospect of the visit-- which continues to cause me stress-- is rather overwhelming.

There is the trip to get there-- a three-hour bus ride to the SeaTac airport, a 9-hour flight to London, an overnight stay at an airport hotel, followed by a "milk run" (5:30 am) flight to Gibraltar the following morning, followed by a taxi ride to where she lives... while hoping my luggage hasn't accidentally been sent to Kinshasa or Tierra del Fuego.

There is the cost of the trip-- it's not just airfare and hotels, it's also the "cost" of having to close down my business (I'm self-employed), and the "cost" of not having an income, while I am gone.

Then there's the visit, itself-- going and staying with my mother for two weeks isn't something I'd readily do, even if she lived a couple of miles down the road. Whereas we certainly "get along" on a superficial level, I am always reminded that sometimes "the acorn" DOES fall a very long way from "the tree." The fact that our basic values, and how we view life, are so radically different, another layer of stress exists. Frankly, I don't enjoy "regressing" to a point where I feel like "myself, at age 8."

Anyway, this trip is going to happen fairly soon.

Which is also my way of saying that I may not be updating these pages on a regular basis, for a while.

Recognizing oncoming overstimulation

Elaine Aron has written much about the phenomenon of HSPs getting "overstimulated" because our central nervous systems are so finely attuned.

Overstimulation, however, can take radically different forms, depending on the person involved. A friend of mine-- who is a very extraverted HSP-- actually gets terribly overstimulated and all out of sorts when she finds that she has 4-5 unanswered emails begging for her attention. And yet, she thinks nothing of going to a fair, with lots of people and carnival rides-- even riding rollercoasters. By contrast, I get dozens of emails every day, and think little of writing and sending 20 personal responses to people in the course of an afternoon. On the other hand, you'd have to drag me kicking and screaming to an amusement park... and I'd want to just find the quietest corner where I could watch from a distance.

We know that being Highly Sensitive is an inborn hard-wired trait-- not something that can be "fixed." However, what we can do is learn to manage our sensitivity, in large part by recognizing exactly what it is-- situations, people, activities, noise-- that most likely will lead us to become overstimulated. If we don't learn this, we run the risk of missing out on many things life has to offer, simply because we use the "I can't do this, because I'm an HSP" blanket excuse.

A good place to start-- an "exercise" of sorts-- is to sit down and identify the common threads of the last 10, 20 (or however many you can remember) times you felt terribly overwhelmed by something. The benefit of very specifically understanding your "triggers" is that it ALSO allows you to identify the fairly "out there" things you're perfectly happy doing.

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Talk back: Do you recognize the specific patterns that cause you to get overstimulated?