HSPs, Sociability and Feeling Overstimulated

This past weekend (August 16th-18th) The White Light Express held its annual conference and retreat, here in Port Townsend, Washington.

I mention this because I am a central part of the organization, and thus have lots of attendant responsibilities. And this annual event find me-- as an introverted HSP-- being on the go and having to be very "public" with lots of people, for several days.

There's a common misconception that introverts-- HSP and non-HSP alike-- are "antisocial" and outright "don't like people." That's simply not not true. I actually like people very much but the act of "socializing" (especially with a large group of mostly strangers) is exhausting, for me.

To truly understand what's going on with an HSP when they declare "I really don't like crowds" is typically far less about "avoiding people" than about "avoiding overstimulation." Although the greater world has a fondness for labeling HSPs as being "shy" or "socially anxious" that characterization actually holds true in far fewer instances than most people would think.

At the end of three days of being "public" and "social," I found myself feeling quite worn out. And even though the 60-odd people in attendance at the conference's "main event" were mainly of like-kind beliefs and orientations, being in close proximity to so many "energies" for an extended period of time was draining. The only thing I really wanted to do with the Monday immediately following the conference was to sit and stare at the wall. Alas, that was not entirely possible, as there were "loose ends" to be chased and closed.

And these were nice people, many with similar interests.

Going into the event, I was already a bit "on edge" given that I was going to be teaching a 3-hour workshop on Sunday. It wasn't that I felt like I didn't know my material, or that I would have to "speak in front of people," it was again about a sense of energy drain... not simply as a result of being an introvert, but as a result of being an HSP and "aware" of other people's energies.

As HSPs, it important that we understand the underlying whys of how we get to feeling exhausted... and that we do not accept external perceptions of us to be "facts." So whenever someone is trying to offer you a "good reason" for your social interaction choices, take a step back and ask yourself whether it really "feels true." Most HSPs are really not shy, or socially anxious... they are just... HSPs.

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Talk Back: Do groups of people overstimulate you? Have you ever attributed to "social anxiety" or "shyness" behaviors that might be only the result of being an HSP? Leave a comment! 

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HSPs and Initiative

I've noticed, over the years, that HSPs sometimes struggle with initiative.

On the whole, highly sensitive individuals also tend to be highly creative individuals. The "juices" are often flowing... yet a great many things never get beyond being "an idea."

This seems to apply, across a broad spectrum of life. Over the past decade, I have met a great many HSPs who really "wanted to" something-- could be follow a dream, attend an event, find friendships, start a relationship-- yet when the time comes to "do," a million reasons "not to" suddenly bubble to the surface.

Now, I'm not talking about choosing to "not do" something you really want to do, on account of a very real problem like Social Anxiety. I am talking about those many cases when we choose "not to," because we're immobilized by the belief that we'll get overstimulated and that will be unpleasant.

However, there is such a thing as becoming a slave to your "comfort zone" to such a degree that you miss out on a large part of what life has to offer. It's easy to justify NOT participating in a whole lot of things, with the reasoning that we are merely "honoring our sensitivity."

My experience tells me that many HSPs would really "like to" participate in many different things. My experience also tells me that many HSPs really enjoy "participating," once they are actually present and involved. The big "bugaboo" lies in getting from "want to" to "doing."

Some years ago, one of my teachers said: "Our THOUGHTS about a thing are usually much worse than the THING, itself." Although she was referring to "bad things" we fear doing, I think it also is very true for HSPs, even with "good things." We spend so much time thinking about "what could happen" that we almost completely lose sight of the enjoyment we'll have, once we're involved.

Sometimes you just have to take the initiative, even when it feels rather overwhelming.

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Talk Back: As an HSP, do you find there are a lot of things you "want" to do, but you manage to talk yourself out of actually "doing" them? Is taking the initiative an issue for you?