Update
Well.
That whole process took rather longer than I expected.
It seems a lot of things take longer than expected, perhaps because I am also really good at procrastinating.
I also learned that I write rather differently in my personal journal than I do when the words are going on a public blog. I am not sure if I can learn something about myself there.
Anyway, I have added some of the more HSP-related musings from my journals, since moving from Texas, and spending a little time here in Port Townsend. Whether anyone will ever read them remains to be seen... but it felt like they should be part of this "journey" I am sharing here.
Friday, February 16, 2007
Monday, February 05, 2007
Pausing for Station Identification
After a considerable break, I am returning to the HSP Notes blog.
I recently moved across the country, from Texas to Washington state. With all that a major move entails-- especially for an HSP-- both my bandwidth and inclination to post updates here were somewhat limited. Besides, I did not have particularly good Internet connectivity during the past few months. "Wireless Internet" is not all it is cracked up to be, especially when you live "At The End Of The World," as I do now.
Over the next few weeks, I am going to add some "back posts" about the process of moving when you're an HSP, along with the challenges and feelings of leaving one life behind, and embraching a new one. I say "back posts," because I am merely going to copy some of the most relevant journal musings from my journal, to this blog, with the dates as I wrote them.
Some might say "Why bother?"
And it's a valid question. The heart of the answer lies in the many HSPs I have gotten to personally know over the past decade, and in knowing how many dream of making "a major life change," yet are fearful of doing so because they have so little sense for what is actually entailed in the process of completely changing one's paradigm. Whether it is "altruistic" or "self-centered" of me, I feel that if sharing this experience helps even one HSP make a major life change for the better, then it is worth my while.
Stay tuned.
I recently moved across the country, from Texas to Washington state. With all that a major move entails-- especially for an HSP-- both my bandwidth and inclination to post updates here were somewhat limited. Besides, I did not have particularly good Internet connectivity during the past few months. "Wireless Internet" is not all it is cracked up to be, especially when you live "At The End Of The World," as I do now.
Over the next few weeks, I am going to add some "back posts" about the process of moving when you're an HSP, along with the challenges and feelings of leaving one life behind, and embraching a new one. I say "back posts," because I am merely going to copy some of the most relevant journal musings from my journal, to this blog, with the dates as I wrote them.
Some might say "Why bother?"
And it's a valid question. The heart of the answer lies in the many HSPs I have gotten to personally know over the past decade, and in knowing how many dream of making "a major life change," yet are fearful of doing so because they have so little sense for what is actually entailed in the process of completely changing one's paradigm. Whether it is "altruistic" or "self-centered" of me, I feel that if sharing this experience helps even one HSP make a major life change for the better, then it is worth my while.
Stay tuned.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Feeling exhausted
I promise this will be the last post about my move, because I feel sure everyone is sick to death of hearing about it.
I have been exhausted, on a very deep level.
I came to the conclusion, a few days ago, that once the moving process ended and I was sleeping in a regular bed, in a real house... I pretty much died. A move like the one I just completed is a bit like running a marathon.
Running a marathon takes an extraordinary amount of training and preparation, ahead of time. In a sense, this is very similar to a major life-changing move. Then there is the race, itself. It's both tiring, and exciting, at the same time. At the end, you feel exhausted, but for a while you continue running on "residual adrenaline." Many marathon runners will rest for a few days after a race, and then "pretty much feel OK." So it was with me, once all the stuff had been unpacked, and I got settled in.
But there's a reason why marathn runners only run a few races a year. After a few days, a sort of "deep exhaustion" sets in... a long-term lethargy, as the body works to recover from a period of extreme effort and stress.
All told, I probably spent two years packing, reducing, downsizing, renovating the house, selling the house and a variety of other tasks before actually physically moving. All these things, while also going through the "normal" parts of life, like working to fund all the associated expenses. Then followed six weeks of frantic activity. Sure, it felt good to get settled in... but I found myself being happy, but completely lacking motivation. I basically found that I just wanted to sit and relax. A "busy day" was going to the grocery and walking on the beach.
As I write these words, I am slowly coming to life again. I have been "gone" for about three months... in a sense, that's how much the move "took out of me." Fortunately for me, I have been able to afford myself the relative luxury of being able to take the time to recover. I realize that not everyone can do such a thing.
Elaine Aron, in The Highly Sensitive Person, writes about how HSPs tend to have "in" periods and "out" periods. I realize now that I had been "out" non-stop for almost 24 months, so the three month "in" period was long overdue.
I have been exhausted, on a very deep level.
I came to the conclusion, a few days ago, that once the moving process ended and I was sleeping in a regular bed, in a real house... I pretty much died. A move like the one I just completed is a bit like running a marathon.
Running a marathon takes an extraordinary amount of training and preparation, ahead of time. In a sense, this is very similar to a major life-changing move. Then there is the race, itself. It's both tiring, and exciting, at the same time. At the end, you feel exhausted, but for a while you continue running on "residual adrenaline." Many marathon runners will rest for a few days after a race, and then "pretty much feel OK." So it was with me, once all the stuff had been unpacked, and I got settled in.
But there's a reason why marathn runners only run a few races a year. After a few days, a sort of "deep exhaustion" sets in... a long-term lethargy, as the body works to recover from a period of extreme effort and stress.
All told, I probably spent two years packing, reducing, downsizing, renovating the house, selling the house and a variety of other tasks before actually physically moving. All these things, while also going through the "normal" parts of life, like working to fund all the associated expenses. Then followed six weeks of frantic activity. Sure, it felt good to get settled in... but I found myself being happy, but completely lacking motivation. I basically found that I just wanted to sit and relax. A "busy day" was going to the grocery and walking on the beach.
As I write these words, I am slowly coming to life again. I have been "gone" for about three months... in a sense, that's how much the move "took out of me." Fortunately for me, I have been able to afford myself the relative luxury of being able to take the time to recover. I realize that not everyone can do such a thing.
Elaine Aron, in The Highly Sensitive Person, writes about how HSPs tend to have "in" periods and "out" periods. I realize now that I had been "out" non-stop for almost 24 months, so the three month "in" period was long overdue.
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Happy New Year!
For lack of greater creativity, I'd like to take this opportunity to wish everyone a Happy New Year!
I often think about the turning of the year, in the context of where the mere marking of a date on the calendar gives way to something tangibly "new."
We often use the new year as a reason to "get started" on something, and to make resolutions of things we intend to accomplish in the coming year. In a sense, we try to "create newness" out of something that basically is-- if you think about it-- no more than "just another day."
I sense that my New Year actually has real elements of "newness" to it. After all, I am starting over, in a new location I have longed to be part of, for many years. I have actually created a new reality, which is a bit like a blank canvas I now get to start adding color to.
What do you have on the agenda for your new year, if anything?
I often think about the turning of the year, in the context of where the mere marking of a date on the calendar gives way to something tangibly "new."
We often use the new year as a reason to "get started" on something, and to make resolutions of things we intend to accomplish in the coming year. In a sense, we try to "create newness" out of something that basically is-- if you think about it-- no more than "just another day."
I sense that my New Year actually has real elements of "newness" to it. After all, I am starting over, in a new location I have longed to be part of, for many years. I have actually created a new reality, which is a bit like a blank canvas I now get to start adding color to.
What do you have on the agenda for your new year, if anything?
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Happy Holidays!
I have not felt very inspired, as of late. It feels like I have been trapped in one of those "in" periods Elaine Aron described as part of the HSP experience, in her books. Although I have been quite aware that I "need" to be updating this blog, I have just felt like there has been little to say.
I know that my time away has not merely been about feeling exhausted after the move. Traditionally, December has been a month of loss and difficulties for me, and having been a retail gift store manager (in an earlier life) also has contributed to a less-than-enthusiastic attitude about the holidays.
As such, I am going to leave this entry short, and merely use it as an opportunity to wish everyone who reads here Happy Holidays, and all the best in the coming year!
I know that my time away has not merely been about feeling exhausted after the move. Traditionally, December has been a month of loss and difficulties for me, and having been a retail gift store manager (in an earlier life) also has contributed to a less-than-enthusiastic attitude about the holidays.
As such, I am going to leave this entry short, and merely use it as an opportunity to wish everyone who reads here Happy Holidays, and all the best in the coming year!
Monday, November 20, 2006
HSPs and Holiday Stress
The Holiday season is upon us.
My experience tells me that the Holidays are as often a source of stress for HSPs, as they are a source of joy and celebration. From the whole "party atmosphere" to dealing with family members we'd just as well never see again, the holidays do seem to offer many opportunities for HSPs to become overstimulated... sometimes with resulting admonishions from friends and family members to "get a grip" and to "not be so antisocial."
As the world ramps up into a celebratory frenzy, many HSPs would just as well crawl into a small hole and not come out till the whole wretched thing is over.
When I was dealing with in-laws and my own family, and juggling multiple Thanksgiving celebrations followed by multiple Christmas celebrations, I found the most effective thing for me to do-- in the interests of maintaining my sanity-- was to go for long walks. Interestingly enough, my tradition of Thanksgiving/Christmas walks started in 1985, more than ten years before I learned about the HSP trait, and how to deal with holiday stress.
Most HSPs respond positively to being in nature-- it's one of the ways many of us recharge our batteries. I certainly know this to me true for me.
So whereas I can't possibly know the particular stresses you face during the upcoming holidays, here's a single suggestion: Take a long walk. If you feel like you must "make an excuse," just say you want to "walk off some of the big meal." If you are going somewhere outside your home, remember to bring a change of shoes (comfortable!) and a coat, scarf and hat, if you're spending the holidays in a cold place.
My experience tells me that the Holidays are as often a source of stress for HSPs, as they are a source of joy and celebration. From the whole "party atmosphere" to dealing with family members we'd just as well never see again, the holidays do seem to offer many opportunities for HSPs to become overstimulated... sometimes with resulting admonishions from friends and family members to "get a grip" and to "not be so antisocial."
As the world ramps up into a celebratory frenzy, many HSPs would just as well crawl into a small hole and not come out till the whole wretched thing is over.
When I was dealing with in-laws and my own family, and juggling multiple Thanksgiving celebrations followed by multiple Christmas celebrations, I found the most effective thing for me to do-- in the interests of maintaining my sanity-- was to go for long walks. Interestingly enough, my tradition of Thanksgiving/Christmas walks started in 1985, more than ten years before I learned about the HSP trait, and how to deal with holiday stress.
Most HSPs respond positively to being in nature-- it's one of the ways many of us recharge our batteries. I certainly know this to me true for me.
So whereas I can't possibly know the particular stresses you face during the upcoming holidays, here's a single suggestion: Take a long walk. If you feel like you must "make an excuse," just say you want to "walk off some of the big meal." If you are going somewhere outside your home, remember to bring a change of shoes (comfortable!) and a coat, scarf and hat, if you're spending the holidays in a cold place.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
After the move: "Post Game Analysis."
It used to be that I'd write "I'm moving."
Now I can finally write "I have moved."
It has been surprising to me how many people have been following this process of mine-- I never really expected that "one guy's musings" about moving from Texas to Washington would make for "interesting reading," but the impression I have gotten is that my process... in some strange way... has served as a window into a process many other HSPs have been contemplating for themselves, yet have avoided.
I often wonder how frequently we HSPs avoid reaching for the things we truly want, fenced in by the fear that the pain of "HSP overstimulation" will be greater than the benefit we will derive from the outcome of pursuing our dreams. I have met 100s of HSPs over the past decade, and one thing I have grown certain of is that we are DREAMERS. And yet...
... only a few of us ever progress from "dreaming" to "acting." As much as we may be dreamers, we also seem to have an extraordinary aptitude for making excuses. We can talk ourselves out of almost anything. Sometimes it almost feels like we grow a mild "addiction" to "being stuck and complaining," and carefully maintaining a state of disgruntlement.
In my current state of "having moved," I realize that I no longer speak of making a radical life change from the perspective of "theory." I speak from the perspective of "having done it."
And what I want to share with all HSPs out there, who are contemplating a major change in their lives is simply this: It is worth it!
Now I can finally write "I have moved."
It has been surprising to me how many people have been following this process of mine-- I never really expected that "one guy's musings" about moving from Texas to Washington would make for "interesting reading," but the impression I have gotten is that my process... in some strange way... has served as a window into a process many other HSPs have been contemplating for themselves, yet have avoided.
I often wonder how frequently we HSPs avoid reaching for the things we truly want, fenced in by the fear that the pain of "HSP overstimulation" will be greater than the benefit we will derive from the outcome of pursuing our dreams. I have met 100s of HSPs over the past decade, and one thing I have grown certain of is that we are DREAMERS. And yet...
... only a few of us ever progress from "dreaming" to "acting." As much as we may be dreamers, we also seem to have an extraordinary aptitude for making excuses. We can talk ourselves out of almost anything. Sometimes it almost feels like we grow a mild "addiction" to "being stuck and complaining," and carefully maintaining a state of disgruntlement.
In my current state of "having moved," I realize that I no longer speak of making a radical life change from the perspective of "theory." I speak from the perspective of "having done it."
And what I want to share with all HSPs out there, who are contemplating a major change in their lives is simply this: It is worth it!
Monday, November 06, 2006
Moving: A Place to Live, At Last
I have been living as a "nomad" from mid-September, and now I finally find myself in some form of permanent housing. Permanent, that is, to the degree that rented property is ever "permanent."
It is November 6th, which means I have been living like a vagabond for six weeks.
I suppose many HSPs would say that it would just be "too stressful" to do something like that. And I can totally appreciate those feelings. However, the flipside to the equation is that there is a tremendous sense of freedom that comes with not being tied down to something. I realize that such a feeling may be personal to me, because I have lived for so long with this sense that my life, and everything IN it was somehow like an anchor that was bogging down my soul and spirit.
The nomadic life of the past six weeks made me very aware of how we used "time points" to define our lives. I realized that I was living with this idea that "my new life" couldn't officially start until I was in a real house.
On some level, that doesn't make sense... because what would that make the past six weeks? Non-life?
Sometimes I worry about the way people use time as a "limiting factor." We operate with these beliefs that "something" has to happen before "something else" can begin. I'm not denying that there are occasions when such thinking is the truth-- for example, we have to have the money for the down payment before we can buy a new car. However, sometimes we create "artificial barriers" to doing what we really want. As a simplistic metaphor, think about the way people sometimes say "well, I can't get started on writing my novel until my desk is all tidied up, and all my computer notes are organized."
Most often, such statements do not represent the "truth," but rather a "story" we are telling ourselves to mask some deeper reluctance to embark in a new direction.
Pause, for a moment, to think about where you erect barriers in your own life... barriers that don't really make sense, once you sit and examine them.
Sometimes-- as Larry the Cable Guy would say-- the only thing we should focus on is "Git 'r done!"
It is November 6th, which means I have been living like a vagabond for six weeks.
I suppose many HSPs would say that it would just be "too stressful" to do something like that. And I can totally appreciate those feelings. However, the flipside to the equation is that there is a tremendous sense of freedom that comes with not being tied down to something. I realize that such a feeling may be personal to me, because I have lived for so long with this sense that my life, and everything IN it was somehow like an anchor that was bogging down my soul and spirit.
The nomadic life of the past six weeks made me very aware of how we used "time points" to define our lives. I realized that I was living with this idea that "my new life" couldn't officially start until I was in a real house.
On some level, that doesn't make sense... because what would that make the past six weeks? Non-life?
Sometimes I worry about the way people use time as a "limiting factor." We operate with these beliefs that "something" has to happen before "something else" can begin. I'm not denying that there are occasions when such thinking is the truth-- for example, we have to have the money for the down payment before we can buy a new car. However, sometimes we create "artificial barriers" to doing what we really want. As a simplistic metaphor, think about the way people sometimes say "well, I can't get started on writing my novel until my desk is all tidied up, and all my computer notes are organized."
Most often, such statements do not represent the "truth," but rather a "story" we are telling ourselves to mask some deeper reluctance to embark in a new direction.
Pause, for a moment, to think about where you erect barriers in your own life... barriers that don't really make sense, once you sit and examine them.
Sometimes-- as Larry the Cable Guy would say-- the only thing we should focus on is "Git 'r done!"
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