Life in 2025 — It's not Easy!

The month of January always holds a little extra meaning for me. It was in January of 1997 I more or less accidentally stumbled upon Elaine Aron's "The Highly Sensitive Person" at a Borders Books and Music store in Austin, Texas.

It's hard to believe it has been 28 YEARS...

I have learned a lot in the course of those 28 years, not just about myself, but also from the thousands of fellow HSPs I have had the pleasure and privilege to meet on this journey... both online and face-to-face.

We are a pretty amazing bunch of people, and we are definitely "of another species!" I say that only somewhat facetiously, because most of us really do see and parse the world differently from the mainstream.

So here we are, at the beginning of another new year, and somehow we have also made it one-quarter of the way into a new millennium. I am not going to talk about "New Year's Resolutions" here, because I feel they are one of those cultural inventions that just result in our placing undue pressure on ourselves (stress) and then dinging our self-esteem (stress) when we fall short of our plans.

I prefer to simply recognize that it is time for something in my life to change, make a plan... and then simply make the changes, without much fanfare or telling anyone. If someone notices something has changed, great!

Whereas I realize that some people feel motivated by a "public announcement", I personally find that I just get stressed out by focusing too much on "other people's opinions" rather than just quietly executing my own plan.

A large part of managing myself as an HSP revolves around simply not participating in the situations that most likely will lead to overwhelm and overstmulation.

As a wise person once told me: "NO is a complete sentence." It's OK — if not essential — to say no.

What I am doing at the moment is "taking stock."

My therapist admitted that she was "not surprised" that I feel perpetually overwhelmed by everything in my life, because I am trying to balance so many things, all at once...

But why?

I expect it is mostly just the way of life, in 2025. The mere business of being alive becomes costlier and costlier at a far more rapid pace than my income grows. In fact, my income has been pretty much stagnant since 2019.

I imagine I am not the only one facing this kind of situation. 

HSPs and Holiday Stress

As the holiday season approaches, I am seldom with a group of HSPs, or part of an HSP web group for that matter-- without a few moans and groans coming up. "HSPs and Holiday Stress" seems to just be "one of those topics" that comes up and gets rehashed this time of the year.

I find myself having some minor "guilt" over the fact that I basically live at the end of the world and will NOT be dealing with "family situations" for the holidays. Actually, I feel somewhat grateful that I have so little family, and they live so far away, and I won't have to "deal with" a whole situation of getting together with a bunch of people who sit around and pretend to "like" each other and that they are "enjoying" themselves, even while making snide comments about everyone present.

Maybe my attitude towards the holidays reflects that they were never really very positive times for me. Some of my attitude is a certain "bah-humbug-ishness," left over from the 12-odd years I managed an upscale gift store. Dealing with the "general public" around the holidays really brings a person in touch with the less attractive aspects of the human condition.

I also know that some of my reluctance has to do with being an HSP, and easily getting overstimulated by social situations, and what I think of as "psychic loudness."

I was thinking about the above statement, earlier... and realize that I do not have anxiety around social situations, and I am actually quite good at dealing with them. Even though I am an introvert.

What I am NOT good at is dealing with "forced" social situations... and so many family holidays seem very "forced" to me. And few things throw me over into overwhelm than needing to "pretend" I feel a certain way about a situation... when those feelings are actually not AT ALL how I am feeling.

The holidays are a time of the year when it becomes especially important for the highly sensitive person to be aware of-- and honor-- their sensitivity. Now, when I say "honor," I don't mean we have to become "spoiled prima donnas" who have to have everyone accommodate us. What I mean is that we need to "ration" our available energy and good cheer more carefully, because there are more demands made on us, and the environment around us-- from family plans to the eternal commercial messages on television-- seems far more "invasive" than during the rest of the year.

Many HSPs want to be "up" for the holidays and for family and friends. So pause for a moment, and find ways to create more peaceful moments "in between," and take a little time to figure out what other actvities you can cut out of your schedule, to give yourselves more energy for holiday events.

Feeling exhausted

I promise this will be the last post about my move, because I feel sure everyone is sick to death of hearing about it.

I have been exhausted, on a very deep level.

I came to the conclusion, a few days ago, that once the moving process ended and I was sleeping in a regular bed, in a real house... I pretty much died. A move like the one I just completed is a bit like running a marathon.

Running a marathon takes an extraordinary amount of training and preparation, ahead of time. In a sense, this is very similar to a major life-changing move. Then there is the race, itself. It's both tiring, and exciting, at the same time. At the end, you feel exhausted, but for a while you continue running on "residual adrenaline." Many marathon runners will rest for a few days after a race, and then "pretty much feel OK." So it was with me, once all the stuff had been unpacked, and I got settled in.

But there's a reason why marathn runners only run a few races a year. After a few days, a sort of "deep exhaustion" sets in... a long-term lethargy, as the body works to recover from a period of extreme effort and stress.

All told, I probably spent two years packing, reducing, downsizing, renovating the house, selling the house and a variety of other tasks before actually physically moving. All these things, while also going through the "normal" parts of life, like working to fund all the associated expenses. Then followed six weeks of frantic activity. Sure, it felt good to get settled in... but I found myself being happy, but completely lacking motivation. I basically found that I just wanted to sit and relax. A "busy day" was going to the grocery and walking on the beach.

As I write these words, I am slowly coming to life again. I have been "gone" for about three months... in a sense, that's how much the move "took out of me." Fortunately for me, I have been able to afford myself the relative luxury of being able to take the time to recover. I realize that not everyone can do such a thing.

Elaine Aron, in The Highly Sensitive Person, writes about how HSPs tend to have "in" periods and "out" periods. I realize now that I had been "out" non-stop for almost 24 months, so the three month "in" period was long overdue.

After the move: "Post Game Analysis."

It used to be that I'd write "I'm moving."

Now I can finally write "I have moved."

It has been surprising to me how many people have been following this process of mine-- I never really expected that "one guy's musings" about moving from Texas to Washington would make for "interesting reading," but the impression I have gotten is that my process... in some strange way... has served as a window into a process many other HSPs have been contemplating for themselves, yet have avoided.

I often wonder how frequently we HSPs avoid reaching for the things we truly want, fenced in by the fear that the pain of "HSP overstimulation" will be greater than the benefit we will derive from the outcome of pursuing our dreams. I have met 100s of HSPs over the past decade, and one thing I have grown certain of is that we are DREAMERS. And yet...

... only a few of us ever progress from "dreaming" to "acting." As much as we may be dreamers, we also seem to have an extraordinary aptitude for making excuses. We can talk ourselves out of almost anything. Sometimes it almost feels like we grow a mild "addiction" to "being stuck and complaining," and carefully maintaining a state of disgruntlement.

In my current state of "having moved," I realize that I no longer speak of making a radical life change from the perspective of "theory." I speak from the perspective of "having done it."

And what I want to share with all HSPs out there, who are contemplating a major change in their lives is simply this: It is worth it!

Moving: Feeling Tired (Notes From The Road)

The last few days have gone by in a blur.

I am sitting here, typing this, on my portable computer... inside a school bus that has been converted to an RV (and quite comfortable, at that, not just a "hippie bus"), parked at Brady Lake State Park, no more than 100 miles from what once used to be "my house."

I cannot even begin to explain the amount of work it is-- even with willing friends and neighbors to help-- to pack a 28-foot semi trailer with household goods, in 90-degree Texas late summer heat. I had to keep reminding myself that the trailer self-move was costing $5,000 and the cheapest moving company estimate was $16,000.

A part of me feels slightly guilty about the fact that I am not "missing" what used to be my home. But I am not. I just feel a lot of relief that a large phase of the process is over. I feel relief that I no longer have to worry about a $2,000-a-month mortgage payment, and $700-a-month electric bills to keep myself cool enough that I don't go insane.

(Yes, the bus is airconditioned. It's like an RV. You plug it in, and it becomes like a portable living room.)

Although I don't feel a sense of loss, am occasionally gripped by brief panic feelings along the lines of "What have I DONE???" As I sit here, I realize that a lot of planning and effort went into the process to this point, but much of what lies ahead is open and unknown. Let's face it, I didn't even have an address to give the company in charge of renting out and driving the trailer to the Puget Sound area. That's right, I am moving to a new place without even having a destination. In a sense, that's part of the joy of doing your move with an RV. I highly recommend it. It removes part of the stress of deadlines, finding hotels and worrying about finding housing by specific dates. If I had to do this again (God forbid!) I would definitely rent an RV and tow my car-- it's also great if you are moving with pets; they are less freaked out by having a "house-like" device to travel in.

What I realized, earlier today, is that there has been a subtle change. I am no longer talking about wanting to change my life. I have changed my life.

That's both exciting, and scary.

And for what it's worth, I am not a "High Sensation Seeker" HSP.

The Travelling HSP

I sent an email to a dear friend and fellow HSP with my travel plans, and she wrote back and wondered how I could "handle" all that travel. I have heard from more than a few HSPs that travel is one thing that "upsets their systems" rather easily.

I am, perhaps, a little different from most, in that I was "trained" to travel. My parents were constantly on the go until I was 18-- and we moved all the time. At times I felt as much at home in some airport, as I did wherever we happened to be living. Whereas there are things that can make me overload easily, travel is so second nature to me, that it causes little more anxiety for me than... maybe going to the grocery.

In general, I try to relax myself by planning what I have control over (convenient times of the day, plenty of extra time so I don't rush, pack snacks in my carry on)... and otherwise sleep through the rest. I always take several different kinds of reading material, so I have something that fits whatever mood I might be in. I always ask for a window seat so I can lean against the bulkhead and sleep. Easier said than done-- I am 6'4" tall. If there's a choice between 40 minutes and 2 hours to make a connection, I choose the the flight with the two hour connection, so I don't have to stress out and run if the flight is a bit late. If I end up having to sit and wait, I focus on relaxing. I have missed enough connecting flights through delays that I know that "the world won't end" if it happens, and I'm very familiar with the procedure of getting rescheduled, and possibly getting a (free-- airline has to pay for it) hotel room overnight.

Somehow, I am perhaps also fortunate in that I am not terribly troubled by jetlag, on transatlantic flights. And that's a blessing, because it means that I don't end up "wasting" much time with getting acclimatized to a different time zone.