I believe many HSPs tend to have very giving and nurturing natures. This can be somewhat of a mixed blessing, as many HSPs I have met talk about the way they often end up "feeling used" by others. Personally, I like my giving nature, and I also like being around other HSPs for that exact same reason.
At the same time, I have also struggled considerably with the issues of "healthy boundaries" and "co-dependency." In the decade or so I have spent being "aware" of the HSP trait, I've noticed that these two issues are not uncommon among HSPs.
For me, the learning process has been one of understanding the difference between giving as "right action" (you simply help and give because it's what you want to do) and giving as a "transaction" (a sort of unhealthy "giving to get" dynamic), where you're expecting something back, as a result of what you have done. I've found that when I slip into attaching "expectations" to something I give, I invariably end up disappointed.
I used to give a lot to be "validated" as a "nice person;" here the "purpose" of my giving was clearly a desire to be "liked" and "accepted." I also used to give a lot because I was raised in an enviroment where "getting love" was contingent on what I could DO for people... I experienced no acceptance for "simply BE-ing me." Thus "giving" equated to receiving some form of "pseudo-love."
Of course, there's nothing wrong with wanting to be liked. But there'a also nothing wrong with being "selective" about what we give, and to whom. I've found a certain measure of inner peace as a result of "investing" my generosity in those who are genuinely appreciative of it, rather than people who are just looking for a (metaphorical) "free lunch."
Of course, it's not always easy to tell the difference, up front.... but I know I am never "obligated" to keep pouring water into a bucket that has a hole in it..... Ultimately, I have to ask myself how the relationship "feels." If the connection with another-- which could be a friend, colleague, lover, family member-- most leaves me feeling drained or exhausted, then an imbalance exists. I think of it as "1+1" adding up the less than 2. On the other hand, if I am giving, and I continue to feel energized and enriched, then a sort of "synergy" exists between me and the other person, in which "1+1" adds up to more than 2.
Sunday, March 19, 2006
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
HSP Topics: Love, dating and finding "The One"
In my near-decade of knowing about the HSP trait, and HSPs, the issue of "love and mating" appears to be one that causes an especially large number of headaches and heartaches for Highly Sensitive People.
On the surface, this is perhaps not so surprising. Looking at it logically, HSPs tend to struggle immensely with feeling "accepted" in the world, and they often struggle with self-acceptance, as well. Hence it doesn't take a degree in rocket science to figure out that these difficulties would readily transfer to the process of "finding love," as well.
Elaine Aron and other "experts" on the HSP trait speculate that many HSPs tend to "fall into" relationships. There can be a variety of reasons for this, ranging from simply accepting a connection that feels "somewhat good" (because it feels so much "better" than what we're used to), to getting "pushed" into a relationship with someone who moves "quickly," while we HSPs like to take time to process and deliberate, before making a decision.
In one of the online HSP discussion groups, the issue of dating and mating recently seemed to approach "boiling point" when someone posted an article about a woman who was previously very selective, but made a conscious decision to say "yes" to every single man who asked her on a date. In the final outcome, she dated some 150 people, but did end up finding "The One," as a result of her change in approach.
Now, whether you subscribe to such a notion as a love relationship with a person who's "The One," or not, is an individual matter that's not for me to decide. I happen to be a hopeless idealist who does believe in such a thing, but that's neither here nor there. I think the general ideas here can be applied to pretty much any situation.
As I read the many opinions offered by dozens of HSPs, I started to think about some issues I have observed as "obstacles," both for myself and for others. I'd thought about these before, but only in a "separate" sort of way. Now I suddenly realized how interrelated they all were.
Many HSPs tend to fall into a (frequently unhealthy) pattern of "waiting for life to come TO them." For whatever reasons-- but often the desire to avoid pain-- we gravitate towards taking a rather "passive" role; in life, and in love as well. Hence the "falling into" relationships. After all, if you're going to "take" whatever life brings you, you'd better be prepared to accept "whatever" life throws your way. Even if it turns out to be rather less than we had hoped for.
Some years ago, a friend told me something she'd learned during a discussion at a self-growth workshop. Over lunch, they were talking about self-actualization, and finding peace, and finding Self. Somehow, the discussion turned to "partnering," and one of the Teachers pointed out something I found to be particularly insightful and relevant:
The more "aware" and self-actualized a person becomes, the fewer truly compatible potential partners exist-- that is, people who can "meet you" at the same level of awareness and mental health. Beyond that, the more "special" your set of "life traits" (for example, being an HSP, or being 6'9" tall, or in the top 1% of being "gifted") the more "specialized" your desired partner's traits becomes. And the more specialized the partner who finds your particular basket of traits attractive. In other words, your potential "pool" of mates goes from maybe 1-in-25 to 1-in-1000, or worse. Those are just arbitrary numbers, by the way, used for example's sake. But my point is, "extraordinary" people more often seem like they have "settled" in their relationships.
"Extraordinary" may seem like an uncommonly arrogant and self-important term for an HSP to use. But I don't mean it in a self-congratulatory or inflated way. After all, who benefits when someone with "uncommon" traits pretends to be "common?"
At a completely different workshop I went to, some years back, a different conversation about "mating" took place. Again it related to the process of healthy self-love, and "finding self," with the eventual point made that the "brighter your light," the more (generally unhealthy) people will be attracted to it, in order to feel illuminated by it. The less "healthy" a person is, the more likely they are to gravitate towards someone who has the characteristics they perceive to be lacking in themselves.
The "consequence," of course, being that self-aware people tend to get far greater exposure to others who want to be "with" them, and those others often have dubious qualities and questionable mental health. So now you may be asking "What does this have to do with being an HSP?" HSPs, being generally introspective and interested in self-development tend to be fairly self-aware people. This can set up an interesting (and very challenging) dynamic in which we are often "attractors" for those who have a load of "psychic baggage," but our kind natures and discomfort around rejection "pushes" us into situations that are not healthy for us.
Getting back to the woman who dated 150 men, I am not suggesting that this is necessarily an appropriate strategy for HSPs. What I am suggesting is that HSPs may have a more difficult time finding someone they "click" and, as such, we really need to be more willing to give ourselves "lots of exposure." Which may feel scary to most, since we tend to be rather private and reclusive people. I suppose the "bottom line" here, is that if you're looking for someone who's "one-in-a-million," you also have to be willing to take the steps and action to (potentially) expose yourself to a million people.
Then I realized that for any of this to "make sense," we have to start with self-love and self-acceptance. Several years ago, Elaine Aron gave a talk entitled "Healing ourselves so we can heal the world." The phrase has stuck with me, in the sense of how important it is that we look to ourselves first, to come to terms with what we want in life. Nobody is going to "ride in on a fine white charger" to rescue us from ourselves and solve our problems for us, especially our love problems.
Which brings me up to the present time, and to this morning, as I was reading a huge backlog of HSP group emails.
In reading the many words, I suddenly "touched" self-love. What I mean is, I felt it, rather than just being able to intellectually describe it. Self-love in its purest form, I realized, is what happens when you openly allow yourself to be "100% yourself," with yourself, and with another. It's not about looking in the mirror and repeating the mantra "I love myself," 100 times every morning. It's about simply accepting What Is; and if you find something you don't like, simply accepting it, saying "this doesn't feel right," and then taking a step towards something you do like.
And those "amazing" relationships we sometimes see, and wish we had.... I think they tend to be the product of two people-- in a state of self-love-- occupying the same space, while their states of being "100% themselves" happen to be exactly what "feels right" to the other.
Now, I can already hear the "Peanut Gallery" going; the words of "Yeah, like that's gonna happen!" raining down from the balcony. To which I reply "Certainly not if you're leaving your life up to random chance! And certainly not if you don't believe it is possible!"
I suppose it's not merely an issue for HSPs, but I believe we have to truly "know ourselves" before we can hope to know what it is we want in another. And the self-love I mentioned before, is largely a product of knowing ourselves, because until we truly know what "ourselves" means, we can't be ourselves. Alas, it's a step we often "conveniently" overlook, as we set forth in the world with great hopes that "the right person" will make our lives whole and perfect. Whereas I believe there may be a half-truth there, I also don't believe that perfection with another can exist till we have created it (to whatever degree possible) in ourselves.
Here's something I personally believe to be true. Regardless of whether you're looking for romance, work or happiness, everything you put out in the world is a "beacon" containing information about you. What you say, what you write, where you write it, what you wear, where you go. They work like a "universal energy signature," and others in the world "interact" with them, much as we might "interact" with the produce at the grocery store. Some we like, some we don't some we feel indifferent towards. In "combination" some might be horrible, and some might be nigh onto perfect. If you have few beacons, few people will find you. If you "edit" your beacons, you will send a false image, and draw people to something that isn't true. If you put your beacons in the "wrong" places, you will draw the wrong people. If your beacons are "non-specific," you will draw "no-one in particular."
Hence the importance of putting out the energy that we truly want to "represent" us. Which is only possible through knowing who we truly are, and accepting that "100% me."
One final observation concerns the issue of "adaptability." HSPs tend to be extremely "pliable," and almost "chameleon-like," often to our detriment. Because we often have histories of being thought of as "oddballs" and "a bit strange," many of us grow "adept at adapting," and becoming whatever it is that's needed in a given moment, in order for us to fit in. Maybe that's allright in small doses and to accomplish specific short-term objectives in the world. However, in partnering it has serious consequences, when we choose to "make ourselves compatible" with people with whom we are definitely not compatible. I know broader pop-psychology teaches that compromise is an important part of relationships. But, in my opinion, that can only be "healthily" applied to such things as "which movie we're watching," or "where we'll vacation this summer." It was never meant to mean compromising our core values and basic sense of self.
I once heard someone describe the "measure" of love this way: "Ask yourself, do I love myself more, when I am around this person?" Genuinely, on a deep core level. If you cannot authentically answer "yes," move along to the next person.
Of course, these are just my opinions. That doesn't mean they are "right" for anyone else....
On the surface, this is perhaps not so surprising. Looking at it logically, HSPs tend to struggle immensely with feeling "accepted" in the world, and they often struggle with self-acceptance, as well. Hence it doesn't take a degree in rocket science to figure out that these difficulties would readily transfer to the process of "finding love," as well.
Elaine Aron and other "experts" on the HSP trait speculate that many HSPs tend to "fall into" relationships. There can be a variety of reasons for this, ranging from simply accepting a connection that feels "somewhat good" (because it feels so much "better" than what we're used to), to getting "pushed" into a relationship with someone who moves "quickly," while we HSPs like to take time to process and deliberate, before making a decision.
In one of the online HSP discussion groups, the issue of dating and mating recently seemed to approach "boiling point" when someone posted an article about a woman who was previously very selective, but made a conscious decision to say "yes" to every single man who asked her on a date. In the final outcome, she dated some 150 people, but did end up finding "The One," as a result of her change in approach.
Now, whether you subscribe to such a notion as a love relationship with a person who's "The One," or not, is an individual matter that's not for me to decide. I happen to be a hopeless idealist who does believe in such a thing, but that's neither here nor there. I think the general ideas here can be applied to pretty much any situation.
As I read the many opinions offered by dozens of HSPs, I started to think about some issues I have observed as "obstacles," both for myself and for others. I'd thought about these before, but only in a "separate" sort of way. Now I suddenly realized how interrelated they all were.
Many HSPs tend to fall into a (frequently unhealthy) pattern of "waiting for life to come TO them." For whatever reasons-- but often the desire to avoid pain-- we gravitate towards taking a rather "passive" role; in life, and in love as well. Hence the "falling into" relationships. After all, if you're going to "take" whatever life brings you, you'd better be prepared to accept "whatever" life throws your way. Even if it turns out to be rather less than we had hoped for.
Some years ago, a friend told me something she'd learned during a discussion at a self-growth workshop. Over lunch, they were talking about self-actualization, and finding peace, and finding Self. Somehow, the discussion turned to "partnering," and one of the Teachers pointed out something I found to be particularly insightful and relevant:
The more "aware" and self-actualized a person becomes, the fewer truly compatible potential partners exist-- that is, people who can "meet you" at the same level of awareness and mental health. Beyond that, the more "special" your set of "life traits" (for example, being an HSP, or being 6'9" tall, or in the top 1% of being "gifted") the more "specialized" your desired partner's traits becomes. And the more specialized the partner who finds your particular basket of traits attractive. In other words, your potential "pool" of mates goes from maybe 1-in-25 to 1-in-1000, or worse. Those are just arbitrary numbers, by the way, used for example's sake. But my point is, "extraordinary" people more often seem like they have "settled" in their relationships.
"Extraordinary" may seem like an uncommonly arrogant and self-important term for an HSP to use. But I don't mean it in a self-congratulatory or inflated way. After all, who benefits when someone with "uncommon" traits pretends to be "common?"
At a completely different workshop I went to, some years back, a different conversation about "mating" took place. Again it related to the process of healthy self-love, and "finding self," with the eventual point made that the "brighter your light," the more (generally unhealthy) people will be attracted to it, in order to feel illuminated by it. The less "healthy" a person is, the more likely they are to gravitate towards someone who has the characteristics they perceive to be lacking in themselves.
The "consequence," of course, being that self-aware people tend to get far greater exposure to others who want to be "with" them, and those others often have dubious qualities and questionable mental health. So now you may be asking "What does this have to do with being an HSP?" HSPs, being generally introspective and interested in self-development tend to be fairly self-aware people. This can set up an interesting (and very challenging) dynamic in which we are often "attractors" for those who have a load of "psychic baggage," but our kind natures and discomfort around rejection "pushes" us into situations that are not healthy for us.
Getting back to the woman who dated 150 men, I am not suggesting that this is necessarily an appropriate strategy for HSPs. What I am suggesting is that HSPs may have a more difficult time finding someone they "click" and, as such, we really need to be more willing to give ourselves "lots of exposure." Which may feel scary to most, since we tend to be rather private and reclusive people. I suppose the "bottom line" here, is that if you're looking for someone who's "one-in-a-million," you also have to be willing to take the steps and action to (potentially) expose yourself to a million people.
Then I realized that for any of this to "make sense," we have to start with self-love and self-acceptance. Several years ago, Elaine Aron gave a talk entitled "Healing ourselves so we can heal the world." The phrase has stuck with me, in the sense of how important it is that we look to ourselves first, to come to terms with what we want in life. Nobody is going to "ride in on a fine white charger" to rescue us from ourselves and solve our problems for us, especially our love problems.
Which brings me up to the present time, and to this morning, as I was reading a huge backlog of HSP group emails.
In reading the many words, I suddenly "touched" self-love. What I mean is, I felt it, rather than just being able to intellectually describe it. Self-love in its purest form, I realized, is what happens when you openly allow yourself to be "100% yourself," with yourself, and with another. It's not about looking in the mirror and repeating the mantra "I love myself," 100 times every morning. It's about simply accepting What Is; and if you find something you don't like, simply accepting it, saying "this doesn't feel right," and then taking a step towards something you do like.
And those "amazing" relationships we sometimes see, and wish we had.... I think they tend to be the product of two people-- in a state of self-love-- occupying the same space, while their states of being "100% themselves" happen to be exactly what "feels right" to the other.
Now, I can already hear the "Peanut Gallery" going; the words of "Yeah, like that's gonna happen!" raining down from the balcony. To which I reply "Certainly not if you're leaving your life up to random chance! And certainly not if you don't believe it is possible!"
I suppose it's not merely an issue for HSPs, but I believe we have to truly "know ourselves" before we can hope to know what it is we want in another. And the self-love I mentioned before, is largely a product of knowing ourselves, because until we truly know what "ourselves" means, we can't be ourselves. Alas, it's a step we often "conveniently" overlook, as we set forth in the world with great hopes that "the right person" will make our lives whole and perfect. Whereas I believe there may be a half-truth there, I also don't believe that perfection with another can exist till we have created it (to whatever degree possible) in ourselves.
Here's something I personally believe to be true. Regardless of whether you're looking for romance, work or happiness, everything you put out in the world is a "beacon" containing information about you. What you say, what you write, where you write it, what you wear, where you go. They work like a "universal energy signature," and others in the world "interact" with them, much as we might "interact" with the produce at the grocery store. Some we like, some we don't some we feel indifferent towards. In "combination" some might be horrible, and some might be nigh onto perfect. If you have few beacons, few people will find you. If you "edit" your beacons, you will send a false image, and draw people to something that isn't true. If you put your beacons in the "wrong" places, you will draw the wrong people. If your beacons are "non-specific," you will draw "no-one in particular."
Hence the importance of putting out the energy that we truly want to "represent" us. Which is only possible through knowing who we truly are, and accepting that "100% me."
One final observation concerns the issue of "adaptability." HSPs tend to be extremely "pliable," and almost "chameleon-like," often to our detriment. Because we often have histories of being thought of as "oddballs" and "a bit strange," many of us grow "adept at adapting," and becoming whatever it is that's needed in a given moment, in order for us to fit in. Maybe that's allright in small doses and to accomplish specific short-term objectives in the world. However, in partnering it has serious consequences, when we choose to "make ourselves compatible" with people with whom we are definitely not compatible. I know broader pop-psychology teaches that compromise is an important part of relationships. But, in my opinion, that can only be "healthily" applied to such things as "which movie we're watching," or "where we'll vacation this summer." It was never meant to mean compromising our core values and basic sense of self.
I once heard someone describe the "measure" of love this way: "Ask yourself, do I love myself more, when I am around this person?" Genuinely, on a deep core level. If you cannot authentically answer "yes," move along to the next person.
Of course, these are just my opinions. That doesn't mean they are "right" for anyone else....
Friday, January 27, 2006
HSPs and Being a "Passenger" in your own life
I'll be the first to admit that the world can be a "grating" sort of place, and much of the time, I'd prefer to just stay at home with my books and my cats, over being "out there" in a big way.
However, when does liking "quiet time" turn from something we enjoy, and which helps us stay balanced and sane... into a form of "unhealthy isolation?" I have seen this, quite a bit, in an alarmingly large proportion of the many many HSPs I have met, over the past 8-10 years.
Along with that, I've observed another somewhat disturbing "habit" or trend. Most HSPs want to be participants in life, and what it has to offer. They even have a clear sense of what that participation entails. But that's pretty much where things end; participation remains a wish or dream, but never a reality.
As an example, I have met many who recognized their desire to be part of a local discussion/support group. Some even living in a city where a group had already formed. Yet, in spite of the desire to meet other HSPs, these people were almost completely unwilling to make the effort to become part of the group. It almost felt to me as if they expected the group leader to magically show up on their doorstep with an invitation. And then to come and personally pick them up, and drive them home again, on the days of meetings.
Which begs the question: "How can we honestly expect our lives to change for the better, if we're not willing to put in the effort to change our lives for the better?"
I guess the point I am trying to make, here, is that if you're waiting for the things you want in life to "just show up," you're allowing yourself to be little more than a "passenger" in your own life, rather than a participant. And, as a passenger-- I'm sad to tell you-- you don't get to have much say in where you end up. In a sense, most of those people who feel "victimized" by their life circumstances can also look within and notice how often they have often been "passengers."
I wonder how this plays out in your life? Do you recognize the places where you are limiting your experiences through expectations that whatever it is you want "should" not require effort and input from you? Do you recognize the places where you have "wished for" something, but never taken steps towards that something?
For me, it has been a matter of learning to stay alert to the gap between "wanting" and "having" something. Don't get me wrong, however. "Wanting" is fine, if you're happy with that, but "having" almost always requires effort, intent and an investment of emotional energy.
However, when does liking "quiet time" turn from something we enjoy, and which helps us stay balanced and sane... into a form of "unhealthy isolation?" I have seen this, quite a bit, in an alarmingly large proportion of the many many HSPs I have met, over the past 8-10 years.
Along with that, I've observed another somewhat disturbing "habit" or trend. Most HSPs want to be participants in life, and what it has to offer. They even have a clear sense of what that participation entails. But that's pretty much where things end; participation remains a wish or dream, but never a reality.
As an example, I have met many who recognized their desire to be part of a local discussion/support group. Some even living in a city where a group had already formed. Yet, in spite of the desire to meet other HSPs, these people were almost completely unwilling to make the effort to become part of the group. It almost felt to me as if they expected the group leader to magically show up on their doorstep with an invitation. And then to come and personally pick them up, and drive them home again, on the days of meetings.
Which begs the question: "How can we honestly expect our lives to change for the better, if we're not willing to put in the effort to change our lives for the better?"
I guess the point I am trying to make, here, is that if you're waiting for the things you want in life to "just show up," you're allowing yourself to be little more than a "passenger" in your own life, rather than a participant. And, as a passenger-- I'm sad to tell you-- you don't get to have much say in where you end up. In a sense, most of those people who feel "victimized" by their life circumstances can also look within and notice how often they have often been "passengers."
I wonder how this plays out in your life? Do you recognize the places where you are limiting your experiences through expectations that whatever it is you want "should" not require effort and input from you? Do you recognize the places where you have "wished for" something, but never taken steps towards that something?
For me, it has been a matter of learning to stay alert to the gap between "wanting" and "having" something. Don't get me wrong, however. "Wanting" is fine, if you're happy with that, but "having" almost always requires effort, intent and an investment of emotional energy.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
"Afterbirth?"
Sometimes things just don't quite turn out as simply as I'd hope.
All old entries from this blog's former life have now been "recovered" and "republished" so the archive links actually work. It was more work than I had expected. The "links" sections (at right) have also been updated and "dead" links killed.
In the process of this update, all comments under the "old" format were lost. When I started this blog, commenting wasn't part of the blogging interface-- we had to "import and install" a commenting utility from a third-party provider. Evidently, those comments didn't "translate" to the current format. Not as if there were ever more than a couple of comments per post... but still.
Anyway, if it's your first visit here, welcome! If you are here, reading these words, odds are you clicked on a link in my HSPBook signature line, or perhaps my aimoo HSP forum signature line, or maybe from a link at "Inner Reflections" or "HSP Connections." In any case, thanks for visiting!
If you have the time and inclination, there's some reasonably good "HSP life" info buried in the archives.
And I'd appreciate you leaving a comment to say hi, just so I know you've been here!
All old entries from this blog's former life have now been "recovered" and "republished" so the archive links actually work. It was more work than I had expected. The "links" sections (at right) have also been updated and "dead" links killed.
In the process of this update, all comments under the "old" format were lost. When I started this blog, commenting wasn't part of the blogging interface-- we had to "import and install" a commenting utility from a third-party provider. Evidently, those comments didn't "translate" to the current format. Not as if there were ever more than a couple of comments per post... but still.
Anyway, if it's your first visit here, welcome! If you are here, reading these words, odds are you clicked on a link in my HSPBook signature line, or perhaps my aimoo HSP forum signature line, or maybe from a link at "Inner Reflections" or "HSP Connections." In any case, thanks for visiting!
If you have the time and inclination, there's some reasonably good "HSP life" info buried in the archives.
And I'd appreciate you leaving a comment to say hi, just so I know you've been here!
Monday, January 23, 2006
Rebirth
I have decided to revive this old blog, which I somewhat abandoned when I started the "Inner Reflections" blog on a different site. "Something" in my soul told me I needed to, and that it was time. I suppose, in part, because I have remained fairly involved in the HSP Community, and it would seem like a nice extension of the "HSP Connections" web site and resource guide.
Unfortunately, this is turning out to be more work than I had expected. I was using a very old template-- heavily customized-- from the early days of "blogger," and when I went to edit it the source code was no longer accessible. So I chose this nifty new template. Only... there was a problem. The problem was that every single old entry could no longer be seen... I could see them all from within the post editor, but from "public view" all that could be seen was a series of "404-Not Found" messages.
As a result of this, I have to open every post with the editor and save it again... which evidently "republishes" it with a valid URL, instead of the old one that leads nowhere. Remind me not to overcustomize this template....
Unfortunately, this is turning out to be more work than I had expected. I was using a very old template-- heavily customized-- from the early days of "blogger," and when I went to edit it the source code was no longer accessible. So I chose this nifty new template. Only... there was a problem. The problem was that every single old entry could no longer be seen... I could see them all from within the post editor, but from "public view" all that could be seen was a series of "404-Not Found" messages.
As a result of this, I have to open every post with the editor and save it again... which evidently "republishes" it with a valid URL, instead of the old one that leads nowhere. Remind me not to overcustomize this template....
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
It's Challenging to have Groups for HSPs
I am learning that it is quite difficult to organize groups and support systems for HSPs.
Even with online forums, many seem to want to really be part of something, but once they have signed up there is no participation. I started several groups on Yahoo after going to several HSP Gatherings, but it inevitably turns out that unless I am there all the time asking questions and starting conversations, nobody says anything.
And even when direct and relevant questions are asked, people seem hesitant to speak up and let their opinions be heard. For example, in a group with over 70 people, there are usually only 2-3 who participate.
I'm not entirely sure what to do about that. I wish I had an answer, but I really don't. But I am still going to go forward with the groups, and maybe when the memberships reach a certain level, there will be more activity.
Thursday, November 03, 2005
So I'm an HSP - But Does it Really Matter?
I have spent more than eight years studying this HSP thing, now. I'd like to think that I have learned quite a lot... but even if I have, I find myself wondering whether that's actually good for anything.
I've been to HSP Gatherings, and I have been to HSP Meetups, and I have participated in all manners of online groups for HSPs. While in the company of others "like me," I have felt a little less estranged from the world. That's definitely nice, but the fact remains that we live in a world that is not filled with HSPs, and we have to navigate that world as it comes to us.
I know why I get overstimulated by certain things, I understand why crowds tend to bother me, and I understand why I don't care for an assortment of things - from noise to loud excitement - that most people seem to quite enjoy.
These are good things to know, I suppose. But the fact remains that I can't "afford" to sit back and dwell on them, because the greater world pretty much doesn't care.
I still have to make a living, and pay my bills, and take the garbage to the garage.
So I am an HSP, but does that really matter?
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Inching Closer to Moving... Scary Times When You're an HSP!
I have often talked about moving.
At least it feels like I have often talked about moving.
I've often talked about moving from Texas to the Pacific Northwest, for a whole number of different reasons. This being the middle of the summer, the reason that most comes to mind in this moment is the fact that it's hotter than hell!
I never did well in heat. When I was a little kid and we would travel a lot, my parents always wanted to go to tropical places. I would sit in the shade with a hat on my head and a wet towel around my shoulders, desperately trying to stay cool.
The prospect of moving is exciting, while at the same time also being daunting.
Knowing what I now know about being an HSP and getting overwhelmed by the things of life, part of the challenge is to inspire myself to believe that the joy associated with reaching the final goal of being somewhere in the Puget Sound area exceeds the potential horror of a year of packing, going through all this stuff, garage sales, having people come in the house when it's for sale, and various other things that I just strongly dislike in life.
Mostly, it's all the stuff that worries me. There's just so much stuff. Most of it isn't even mine, but unless I deal with it, it won't get done. And then the move will never happen...
I guess all I can do is move forward. I'm looking forward to it, and at the same time not at all.
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