Moment for reflection: No, I Didn’t Stop “Being an HSP!”

As I sit here reflecting on a rainy afternoon, I found myself pondering a question somebody asked me not too long ago: they quite sincerely commented on my Facebook page as to ”why I had stopped being an HSP.”

I felt a little taken aback by the question because you can't stop being an HSP, since we're dealing with an ingrown trait here... and the person wondering was an HSP, herself.

But I chose not to fall into "affronted and reactionary" mode and instead pondered the deeper meaning of the inquiry. 

The point , of course, was that I didn't seem to be writing about HSPs anymore, and I wasn't active on HSP forums the way I had been in the past, and I had to confess that I had reached a point where the whole highly sensitive person community just didn't seem like it was very interesting to me anymore. I could even look at the posting archive of this HSP Notes blog and see a distinct dropoff in the frequency of my new contributions.

The person who had commented was not actually being critical, they were lamenting my absence. 

It will soon be 25 years since I first came across the term “Highly Sensitive Person.” That could very well be one-third of my life!

I think it would be safe to say that we all go through an evolution of sorts from the first moment we learn that there is actually a name for this “thing” that we are to the present moment we find ourselves in. 

Some years back I reached the point where I realized that the statement “I am an HSP” no longer was appropriate as the centerpiece of my self-definition. Yes, I am still in HSP, but I don't really have anything to prove and I don't really have a world I need to change anymore. That is, I'm not on some kind of active crusade to make everybody aware of the trait of high sensitivity. 

There was a time when I was, and I even thought I would end up teaching and giving workshops about the HSP trait. But I realized that it was/is not really who I am! 

In other words, I have moved on to the next phase of my life, one in which I am simply a PERSON living their life and “being an HSP” is simply one of many attributes that describe me. 

I suppose this is a change on some level, because there was a time when “teaching” was more important to me. I can't say exactly when it happened, but at some point I decided that I'm really not a teacher and that there are others out there who do a much better job of it than I do. That doesn't mean that I don't enjoy passing along information to somebody who's struggling to find their path through life, it just means I don't go actively seeking it anymore. 

As such, the “HSP Notes” blog and website is perhaps becoming less about parts of the trait itself, and more about how a human being — who happens to be an HSP — is living their life.  

Somebody else had asked me if I had “grown bored” with being part of the HSP community. The answer to that is also “no.” More than anything, it is as I determined before: that I don't really have a great interest in being a teacher, nor in being a "banner bearer" for the HSP movement.

And with that, we can perhaps find another puzzle piece in the evolution of an HSP: I have reached a place in my life where I openly embrace what I want to do, rather than feel pressured to do what others think I “should” do. 

And I believe that's an important point to make here. I think it is true of many highly sensitive people that they tend to succumb to feelings of “obligation” rather more often than is healthy, and when that really isn't their highest and best path. 

Anyway, I felt compelled to put out a few words while I'm sitting here in the middle of doing some minor redesign work on the HSP Notes website.

Part of what I will be doing, is adding more links to the other places where I write. That, in itself, is another of my puzzle pieces: I still love to write but my writing has changed from writing about being an HSP to writing whatever it is I want to write, albeit through the eyes of an HSP. Maybe those two sound very similar but they're actually a bit different. 

How different? Well, that remains to be explored!

As always, thanks for stopping by!

---

I hope you enjoyed your visit here! HSP Notes has been published continuously since 2002, and I do this entirely as a "labor of love." However, if you feel that this site is of value to you, please consider becoming a "supporter" of HSP Notes, via my Patreon Art Account. Or support my creative endeavors by purchasing one of my hand painted stones — links in the right-hand column!

I have created a special $2 support level, being mindful that most HSPs are on a budget. Your contributions allow me the TIME to continue writing, rather than being forced to abandon the blog and use my writing time to pursue an additional outside job. Your consideration is greatly appreciated, and — as the idealist that I am — I believe the best way we can create a better world for all of us is to support each other's creative endeavors!

Personally Speaking: HSPs, Being Seen and the Big Time

Although HSPs are often known for being "quietly in the background," we do sometimes hit "The Big Time." And sometimes... you MUST do something, in order to make a DIFFERENCE in the world. In this post-- which is a little different from the usual "HSP Notes" fare-- I am going to call on you to DO something, and to help become a part of changing our world!

15 years ago, the concept of being "an HSP" was new. For years, few people knew what "an HSP" was, and few took the idea seriously. But slowly... a broader societal awareness of highly sensitive people has spread. This has not come easily. Why? As a group, we HSPs aren't big on "being seen," for any number of reasons... from bad experiences in the past, to simply not liking it when someone "looks at us."

Of course, this can set up a bit of a paradox... because how can we hope to have the trait of being Highly Sensitive become a household concept when we're not willing to (or afraid to) stand up and toot our own horns and talk about our "cause?"

In writing the orginial "Highly Sensitive Person" book (and subsequently several other books) Dr. Elaine Aron became the first HSP to "stand up and be seen" on a large scale.

Over the past couple of decades, I have met many HSPs who express how grateful they are to Elaine Aron for her books and her work... and immediately follow it up with words like "... but I could NEVER do something like that!"

The good news for the rest of us is that there are HSPs who go out and face The Big Time.

Most recently, Susan Cain-- an introverted HSP-- authored the book "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking." Although the book is not directly about HSPs, Susan is very much an HSP herself... and with a book that has been among the top 100 most sold books in the US for several months now, she is standing up and "being seen;" doing book tours, TED talks, TV appearances, interviews and more. We are all being helped because she is "showing up for life" as an empowered HSP with a global mission...

Fast forward to right now.

This is where I am going to get much "closer to home," and where I'm going to ask YOU-- as a reader of these pages-- to "show up for life" and DO something! But don't worry... you won't have to appear on TV. In fact, you won't even have to leave your chair.

As some of you know, I am not just an HSP myself, I am married to a fellow HSP... who also happens to be a Spiritual Intuitive, Empath and Life Coach for HSPs. She's also co-founder of non-profit healing organization (founded in 2001) called the White Light Express-- I have briefly written about it here, before. Whereas the White Light Express is not specifically about HSPs, its healing work focus and mission is of a nature that appeals to many HSPs, so it draws very heavily from the global HSP Community.

Tomorrow (Wednesday, August 8th) night, the "Big Time" begins, for our little organization... when Sarah (my wife) be on live national radio, on "Coast to Coast with George Noory" (Yes, it's the same show that used to be "Coast to Coast with Art Bell" before Art Bell retired). At 10pm Pacific/1am Eastern (US), my lovely HSP wife moves from the relatively low profile of small podcasts, a web site and occasional notices in the local paper, to spend an hour talking to George Noory about healing and her White Light Express organization, while reaching out to a live radio audience of five million people across the USA and beyond.

Whereas the radio segment is not specifically "about" HSPs, it becomes another example of an HSP "showing up for life" on a big scale that can potentially touch and change the lives of thousands and thousands of people. And because one person stand up and is "seen," we all benefit.

So, what am I going to ask you to DO?

Well, if you can, tune in to the show! If you want to listen to the show as streaming audio from the Coast to Coast, you'll have to become a Coast to Coast member. Otherwise (if you live in the US), you can visit this page on the Coast to Coast site and find a radio station that airs the show near you.

But more importantly... we'd both like to invite you to become involved with the White Light Express, and the healing journeys it promotes. Don't just "watch," be PART of something! And no worries, it doesn't cost anything.

So-- for starters-- go visit the web site and see what the White Light Express is about, and stands for.

Subscribe to White Light Express updates. Believe me, it IS a secure list... I should know; I am co-keeper of the list, and your contact info is not going ANYwhere. Period. Don't mind the somewhat "neutral" looking signup form... we JUST got it installed and haven't had time to customize it yet.

But MOST of all-- join our healing community! Signup is quick, secure and easy. How do I know it's safe and secure? Because it's on the same network system where I have hosted my own Pacific Northwest HSP Network for over four years... several hundred HSPs already trust it; this is just a different group. How do I know it's appropriate for HSPs? Because the founder is one, and many of our participant-members are, as well.

So... just DO it!

If this were Porn, we'd have 100,000 votes....

At the end of my last post about "Giving and Apathy," I promised I'd come back and update on the cause I'd gotten involved with.

A week has passed, and I'm sad to report that the apathy of the world continues to reign supreme.

Perhaps the most poignant comment I received came from a friend (who DID participate, and thank you for that!) who observed the following:

"If this were porn, we'd have 100,000 votes already!"

Sad, but probably true.

His observation-- along with some of the feedback I received directly-- made me feel sad and disturbed about the broader state of the Human Condition, regardless of whether we're HSPs, or not.

What matters?
What do we MAKE matter?
Where do we place our priorities?

Perhaps what made me feel MOST sad was the sheer number of responses (by email, or direct message) I got, offering me reasons, rationalizations and excuses to NOT participate. My point being that these people had anywhere from five to thirty minutes of "spare" time to write me an explanation (about feeling overwhelmed, about it not being "their" charity, about not supporting anything "corporate" you name it), but NOT one minute of time to just harmlessly participate, at no expense or exposure to them.

I suddenly became aware that "excuses" actually outnumbered "votes."

It reminded me of something I recently witnessed.

Back in October, I was standing in my local Safeway grocery store, waiting for the Customer Service Counter staff to figure something out with the Grocery Manager, as to whether or not a particular product could be ordered. As a result, I stood outside the busy checkstands for about 15 minutes.

At that time, the local high school was having a fundraising drive. They evidently had found a sponsor who'd donate the equivalent of 5% of the "value" of all grocery receipts they could collect and turn in to the sponsor, to get cash to build a "haunted house" for Halloween, or something like that. The short of it was, that if you (the grocery shopper) gave the kid your $100 grocery receipt, they'd be able to turn it over for a $5 cash donation.

ALL they had to do was collect grocery receipts from patrons who'd finished shopping. Grocery receipts that most likely would be thrown away, 15 minutes later.

I watched in amazement as these high school kids would approach departing customers (and this was WITH Safeway's blessing, I should add), explain what they were doing, and politely ask if they could have that person's grocery receipt. What stunned me was that probably 80% (or more) of the patrons asked to give up their receipt said "no," or looked the other way and hurried out of the store.

I share this, because it was another example of people being broadly unwilling (in my opinion, "apathetic") to make a free contribution that would take five seconds of their time. So often-- it seems-- we just automatically get defensive and bark "no!" without even hearing what something is actually about; just assuming that it will "cost" us.

Allow me to bring some more "global" threads into this-- let's back off and take the "50,000-foot view."

This morning Sarah (my honey) commented on a Rolling Stone article she'd read about global warming, and just how hosed we're getting. Global warming-- a MUCH bigger issue than a community charity-- is yet another example (in the "meta pattern" sense) of apathy, and not caring.

Her words, in turn, reminded me of a TED talk I watched yesterday, about a man who spent 17 years in silence, in support of environmental change. You can watch the video here-- it ALSO won't cost you anything, aside from twenty minutes of your time. Or I can just share that MY primary "takeaway" was that ultimately WE are "the environment." And our surroundings are largely a reflection of how we treat each other, and what we make important, in our lives.

Do we care?
Do we help?
Do we act from a place of being aware and mindful?

Then, in that lovely way of synchronicities, an HSP friend wrote a powerful piece on the importance of stepping up and being seen, as HSPs. Again, a highly recommended read-- won't cost you a dime, just a little time. If you don't subscribe to her blog, you should.

Anyway, to bring this full circle, we have two days left to go in adding votes for the cause I mentioned in my last post. If you want to participate, we appreciate it-- just click on the banner, which will open a Facebook page (you may have to register) where you follow simple instructions to vote. No cost. No salesman will call. If you get lost (I can't imagine you would) you can come back here and try again. The deal ends December 11th.




If you don't vote, I forgive you. What I DO ask of you is that you pause and consider "what matters" to you, and whether or not you're actively engaged in what matters to you... in your community, in your life. Because the problem (and solutions) begins with YOU, and "intending to" is not enough.

To quote Yoda: "Do. Do not. There is no TRY."

Conversation Café: Using Conversation to Help Save the World

As part of trying to feel settled in my new town, I have joined a group called "Conversation Café." It might sound somewhat "counter to type" for an HSP to "join a group," but this case is rather different.

An issue facing many HSPs centers around the fact that we tend to prefer the "deep and meaningful" in life-- be it in conversation, or in what we read, or in the people we choose as friends. This often feels like a great challenge to us, because we perceive most of the world around us to be "fluffy" and interested in largely talking "about nothing."

So what is a "Conversation Café?"

It's a group of people who meet once a week (at a local restaurant) to talk. Yes, I said "talk." What's different about it lies both in the structure of the dialogue, and in the topics discussed.

Each week, a topic is chosen ahead of time (so you can think about it)-- it might be something like "the value of collective wisdom" or "is there purpose to believing in God." The topics are never "lightweight" issues, but rather things that directly affect our lives, and the world at large. The conversation goes by a "talking stick" being passed around the circle-- and only the person holding the talking stick may speak. This means that there is no chance for more forceful voices to drown out the more softspoken people-- everybody gets equal time, and equal voice. This is an ideal format for HSPs, since they often feel "drowned out" by louder voices. Typically, the conversation goes for about 1 1/2 hours... and we all tend to come away wiser and more enlightened.

I don't often recommend group events to HSPs, but this is one of the rare exceptions. If you'd like to learn more, and perhaps see if there's an existing café in your area, visit the Converation Cafe web site.

So I'm an HSP - But Does it Really Matter?

I have spent more than eight years studying this HSP thing, now. I'd like to think that I have learned quite a lot... but even if I have, I find myself wondering whether that's actually good for anything.

I've been to HSP Gatherings, and I have been to HSP Meetups, and I have participated in all manners of online groups for HSPs. While in the company of others "like me," I have felt a little less estranged from the world. That's definitely nice, but the fact remains that we live in a world that is not filled with HSPs, and we have to navigate that world as it comes to us.

I know why I get overstimulated by certain things, I understand why crowds tend to bother me, and I understand why I don't care for an assortment of things - from noise to loud excitement - that most people seem to quite enjoy.

These are good things to know, I suppose. But the fact remains that I can't "afford" to sit back and dwell on them, because the greater world pretty much doesn't care.

I still have to make a living, and pay my bills, and take the garbage to the garage.

So I am an HSP, but does that really matter?