Teaching a Workshop About Highly Sensitive Men

In a bit of a departure from the normal "fare" here on HSP Notes, I'm pleased to announce that I have been invited to teach a workshop:

Understanding the Highly Sensitive Man: An introduction to the "hidden" HSPs

I am excited to be giving this workshop in conjunction with the 

2013 Annual White Light Express Conference & Gathering

In Port Townsend, Washington -- Sunday August 18th, 2013 -- 10:00am - 1:00pm

This marks a bit of a departure for me, putting me a little outside my normal comfort zone. I have previously taught workshops on various HSP topics within the relatively "safe" confines of the HSP Gathering Retreats and various HSP Meetup groups... this is the first time I will be giving a workshop "in public" at the general conference and gathering centered around healing. 

About the workshop: This is not so much for highly sensitive men, as about highly sensitive men. You don't need to be an HS man to attend; you don't even have to be an HSP, for that matter... just bring curiosity and a willingness to learn. 

View of Port Townsend Bay in late summer

The plight of highly sensitive men is near and dear to my heart. HS Men face a unique set of challenges, many of which are less about "being sensitive" than about "dealing with cultural biases and stereotypes." I think the world loses a great deal of creative potential by the way it often makes HS men feel like they need to "hide in the shadows." I am committed to being part of a small-- but growing-- movement to change that. I may be "just one person," but every time "just one person" stands up and makes himself heard, some tiny changes happen. 

An avalanche may look like a huge and powerful thing, but never forget that an avalanche starts because ONE snowflake moved, somewhere.

For more information about my workshop, please visit this page on my web site.

For more information about the White Light Express Conference, where you can also learn about the other workshop presenters and events and register for my workshop (and others!), please visit their main conference page.

It would be cool to see some familiar faces at the workshop, so if you're in the Seattle or greater Puget Sound area, I hope you'll come by! Or if you're further away and willing to make a trip here-- Port Townsend is a lovely seaside town and peaceful destination in the summer-- would love to see you here!

Notes from the 2008 California HSP Gathering

The 2008 California HSP Gathering was held in Marin Co, north of San Francisco, on June 19-23, 2008. The venue-- Walker Creek Ranch-- has been used for gatherings since 2001, and is a popular spot with HSPs, thanks to its natural surroundings and peaceful facilities.

I almost didn't go to this Gathering-- in large part because it has been a difficult year, both financially and emotionally. However, it seemed to be the right thing to do, at the end of a stressful six months. I'm glad I went-- this was my 6th HSP Gathering.

It was a relatively small Gathering, with a little over 20 people there for the entire five days; the group growing to 26-28 when some "day commuters" came in to hear Elaine Aron's presentation on "HSPs and Self-Esteem." In addition, we had workshops on Myers-Briggs and The Enneagram.

Gatherings provide a wonderful blend of "learning" and "fellowship." In the evenings we had "Creativity Night" (always a favorite, in which members of the group share their creative passions) and we even had a music and dance night, proving that HSPs are NOT always "quietly sitting in the corner." As a returning "Gatherer," my favorite part of these events is always the chance to be with other HSPs-- to renew old connections, and to form new ones.

Thoughts from the First Colorado HSP Gathering

I am gradually "returning to the surface" again after my trip to the HSP Gathering in Estes Park, Colorado. I had a somewhat different perspective this time, as organizer Jacquelyn Strickland had invited me to co-host the event, and I also facilitated a workshop (along with a couple of other "activities")... things that stretched my introverted self well outside my normal comfort zones.

This was my 5th Gathering... and each has its own unique "atmosphere." It was also one of the largest Gatherings, with a "peak" attendance of 37 HSPs... and I came away this time with perhaps more authentic and deep connections than I have before. Sometimes the mix of personalities seems "just right," and this was one of those times.

The setting for this Gathering was Estes Park, CO... adjacent to Rocky Mountain National Park, it was really a wonderful venue. We were at the YMCA of the Rockies-- which is not like most people would picture a typical "Y," rather it is a sprawling campus of buildings across a very large parcel of land-- capable of hosting conventions and retreats of up to 1500 people.

Gatherings are not easy to explain. On the surface, they unfold a bit like a spiritual/self-growth workshop... but on a deeper level, they also tend to be truly life-changing events for attendees. There's a level of comfort and connection and validation many people have never experienced before in their lives-- and that just changes you, as a person. For five days, you get to experience how it feels to be "100% OK" in the company of a group of peers. Being in a group of HSPs is nothing like the atmosphere we normally associate with "group" events.

When I first started going to Gatherings, it was to learn; these days I go almost purely for the fellowship, and to help other HSPs make connections. In talking to a couple of other attendees, I shared that Gatherings have become a fixture on my "social calendar," every year. HSP Gatherings (officially known as "Gathering Retreats") are constantly evolving. In the broadest sense, they now (loosely) follow a format fairly common in spiritual and self-growth workshops... there's a morning session that's more or less a "classroom" workshop; there's an afternoon session that's less formal, and might include discussions of "what we have learned," or may be some kind of "extracurricular" activity. Evenings are designed mostly for socializing.

The opening day, Thursday, is mainly for "getting-to-know-you" activities and introductions, along with a bit of orientation. The remaining days offer a mixture of workshops on HSP-related topics, typically culminating with Elaine Aron's workshop on Sunday morning. Because we were in splendid natural surroundings, this Gathering included a lot of outdoor activities-- hiking, picnic, watching the Elk at the Park (although they were all over the YMCA campus, as well), horseback riding. This time we also had "Art Night" and "Creativity Night," which are long standing favorites with attendees. In the late evenings, there was usually a group of people sitting around, talking, till the wee hours.

The learning is nice, but as one of my fellow attendees commented, "the real star of the show is the camaraderie between likeminded souls." And I must second that. It seems that even for those who come "to learn," it still ends up being "the people" that leaves the strongest impression.

I love watching people share what they hope to get from the Gathering on opening night, and then hearing what they are taking with them, as we go through closing remarks, five days later. The differences are often striking. "Something" happens to people who go to Gatherings. No matter HOW introverted, anxious and hesitant they might feel when they arrive, by the end of about the third day you'd be hard pressed to say that anyone present is an introvert. People who (three days earlier) would swear on a stack of Bibles that they would NEVER speak in front of a group voluntarily tell their life stories in front of a roomful of people. I don't know HOW it happens, it just DOES.

I find myself somewhat at a loss for words, trying to describe how it feels to be there. In fact, you really have to go to one to fully "get" what it's about. For those of you intrigued, the next fixed date for a Gathering is California (San Francisco Bay Area) on June 19-23, 2008. There MAY be a US East Coast event before that (spring 2008), but that remains contingent on someone "local" stepping forward to co-host. For those of you with a slightly longer time horizon, there's a Gathering planned for the UK in the spring of 2009... I met the co-host-- Sam New-Fielding-- here at the Colorado Gathering, and think she's going to help put on a wonderful event.

HSP Gathering in Estes Park, Colorado, October 4-8, 2007

I am writing this post to share information about the next HSP Gathering, which will take place in Estes Park, Colorado, from October 4th-8th, 2007... and to encourage all who read this to seriously consider attending a Gathering.

This is the first Gathering (13th overall, since 2001) to be held in a location not on the west or east coast, offering more ready access for people all over the country. Also, with Denver being the "central hub" of most US air travel, this is an attractive location from the perspective of inexpensive air fare. And if you need a different sort of "excuse," Colorado is REALLY beautiful in the fall, when the leaves are turning.

Registration for the Colorado Gathering is now open, and the sooner you sign up the lower the conference fee will be. I know it's in the nature of HSPs to "pause and reflect," but please do register as soon as you can, as it will keep your cost lower... eventually, registration may reach an "as available" stage, if you wait too long.

I cannot overstate the "value" of going to a Gathering. I say this from the perspective of what I have personally gained from going to many Gatherings... as well as from the perspective of watching 100s of HSPs undergo major life transformations as a result of going. We may be able to intellectually grasp the idea that we're "OK," but there is no substitute fot actually feeling that, through direct experience.

Gatherings are about learning, about going on a retreat, and about fellowship with other HSPs. We spend Thursday through Monday together, engaged in a mixture of workshops, social time, and just "quiet time" to reflect on the ongoing experience. The atmosphere is casual, never stressful.

You might say "yeah, but it's just too expensive!" I'll save the long-winded explanation that it's actually a lot LESS than your typical 5-day self-growth workshop-- in fact, you'd spend twice the amount it costs to go to a Gathering, to go to a weekend workshop with Elaine Aron at a retreat center like Esalen, Omega or Kripalu. Instead, I'll just say that I feel fairly confident in stating that it will probably be the best money you'll ever spend in helping yourself understand the HSP trait, and in feeling validated as an HSP. There's a good reason why people keep returning to these events, year after year.

You might say "yeah, but it's a GROUP!" True. It is. But I can also assure you that a group of HSPs is like NO other group you'll ever be part of. The level of emotional safety and inclusion is-- literally-- "mind altering" for people... I have watched even the most retiring and introverted of HSPs virtually "become extraverts," in a matter of 48 hours.

You might say "yeah, but I am too much of a misfit, even for a group of HSPs!" If you are skeptical, or want to get a better sense of how a Gathering really works, I encourage you to read Gathering attendee Marcia Norris' words on "Why HSPs Need To Gather" from 2002 or read my own photojournal from the first Gathering I went to, in California. Again, I can only say that I have personally watched people's perspective change from a sense of "I am a misfit" to having made a dozen genuine friendships, in a matter of days. To loosely paraphrase one attendee of several Gatherings: "It is amazing to come here and feel more welcome and included by a bunch of strangers than I feel with people who have been my family for over 50 years."

I couldn't agree more.

Gathering registration forms are now available (as a pdf download) on organizer Jacquelyn Strickland's web site. You're also welcome to email me with questions about Gatherings, or leave a comment!

Recap: Elaine Aron Workshop in Austin

This past weekend, I was part of Elaine Aron's three-day workshop at the Crossings retreat center, here in Austin. It's the first time Elaine has taught in the US in a location not on the east or west coast.

Although it was quite different from the format of the Gathering in California, it was still a wonderful experience. The workshop started on Friday evening with what amounted to mostly an introduction and outline of what we would be covering for the remainder of the weekend. There were 22 people in attendance at the start. It felt a bit strange, because there were only two men, and 20 women-- and the other man left after the first break and never showed back up. Whereas I felt a bit self-conscious at first, I am actually somewhat used to being in metaphysics workshops where most attendees are women.

Elaine's three-day workshops are basically an "interactive" introduction to the basics of being Highly Sensitive, as she covered it in her books. What's nice about the format is that she asks participants what they want to talk about, and then the workshop is structured around those ideas. She also takes plenty of time for breaks, in case people get overstimulated. There's also no pressure to "participate," although the more interesting parts come about as a result of input and stories from the participants.

The workshop consisted of a Friday evening session, two three-hour sessions on Saturday, and a single three-hour session on Sunday. There was lots of free time in between, offering people a chance to get to know each other, and to use the facilities at The Crossings, which were wonderful.

Because I have already been "on the path" of self-discovering as an HSP since 1997, I didn't really expect to learn very much new-- although Elaine did present some of her latest research on rewiring people's neural nets after traumas, as an alternative to conventional therapy. My main reason for going was to meet other HSPs, and especially to meet HSPs in the Austin area.

Of the 20-odd attendees, 11 were from Texas, with 8 from greater Austin. We did get a little time to talk, and I do believe we have the foundations for a local HSP group! I also made a new friend-- one of those wonderful experiences where you just instantly "connect" with someone, and everything feels rather "effortless." Alas, she lives near Fort Worth, some 200 miles away-- thank goodness for email!

All in all, it was a great experience, and I felt like I got to connect with a new set of "tribe members." If you find yourself in an area where Elaine is teaching, I would highly recommend attending one of these workshops-- both to learn, and to connect with other HSPs.

Elaine Aron Workshop, Austin, Texas April 30-May 2

Elaine Aron will be teaching a three-day workshop on being an HSP at Omega at the Crossings in Austin, Texas, on April 30th through May 2nd. This is her "basic" HSP introductory workshop she also teaches on the East Coast, and at Esalen in California.

This is amazing news for me, seeing as how it will be right here in my back yard. I live about six miles from The Crossings. In a very UN-HSP like fashion, I have been promoting this event to anyone who has been willing to give me the time of the day, hoping there will be a decent turnout.

What excites me the most about this is the possibility of meeting other HSPs from the Central Texas area-- I can't imagine everyone will be from out-of-state. Although it is not a "Gathering" as such, I am hoping it will have the same atmosphere of belonging and community I experienced at the California Gathering, this past summer.