Reading: Ted Zeff's New Book for HSPs

I have been reading a copy of Ted Zeff's new book, "The Highly Sensitive Person's Companion." Ted is an HSP, and author of "The Highly Sensitive Person's Survival Guide," which came out in late summer of 2004.

Ted's new book is a small volume, which I expected to read through quite quickly. But actually, there's a lot more to this book than meets the eye.

The book is set up as a year's worth of weekly "exercises," with each short weekly chapter addressing some aspect of being an HSP, from challenges to self-awareness. I think it will be a very valuable addition to most HSP's library of self-help books.

I'll be writing more about it, once I have read the entire book, and worked on the exercises. No, don't worry, it won't be a whole year before I mention it again!

HSPs and Relating, part II

I think "relating" is particularly important for HSPs.

Actually, I think what is important, is that we have peers to relate to. Other HSPs. Nobody understands what it means to be an HSP, like another HSP. And I feel it is central to our sense of emotional well-being to to feel "related to" on the deep level only one of our peers is capable of. Some might say it seems elitist or exclusive to specifically seek out fellow HSPs... and I have to ask "WHY those feelings?" What is telling you to just accept less than an ideal situation?

And that's why I always am recommending to HSPs that they make friendships with other HSPs. Even if you don't know anyone in your immediate circle, consider making friends with other HSPs online.

Better yet, make plans to attend one of the Annual HSP Gatherings. I have been to several of them, and a large part of my strong feelings about HSPs befriending their peers is a result of my personal experiences with the Gatherings.

It may seem expensive on the surface, but it really is worth it!

HSPs and Relating, Part I

I have been sitting here, thinking about how we relate.

What is it that makes one person interesting to us, and another not so interesting? For me, it is in the degree to which I relate to that person.

I have written before, about how HSPs often struggle with friendships and relationships. Most often, an HSP will lament that they just can't find "deep connections" with people... and I certainly understand those feelings, as they have been very present in my own life.

I am just not all that interested in which celebrity is airing out their dirty laundry this week. I don't really get excited about whether Brad and Jennifer have broken up, nor what the rest of the world thinks about that.

Phrased differently, I don't relate across that particular set of interests.

When I see HSPs struggle in their quests to make friends and have the kind of relationships they want, I often am witness to an inner struggle, of sorts. The struggle seems to be between the idea (usually fed to us by society and our immediate environment) that we "should" make friends, and "should" have certain interests to be liked and popular... and then the inner desire to just "be ourselves."

Apart from the obvious issue of "knowing who we are" it's not always easy to find the courage to stand up and say that we don't give a rat's hind end about Brad and Jennifer, in the face of everyone else at work being totally absorbed in their affairs.

HSP, or not, one of the bottom lines in being human is a desire to feel "part of," rather than "cast aside."

And, as HSPs, I suppose it becomes extra important to take the time to "find our tribe." More about that next time.

Update on the update...

Update

Well.

That whole process took rather longer than I expected.

It seems a lot of things take longer than expected, perhaps because I am also really good at procrastinating.

I also learned that I write rather differently in my personal journal than I do when the words are going on a public blog. I am not sure if I can learn something about myself there.

Anyway, I have added some of the more HSP-related musings from my journals, since moving from Texas, and spending a little time here in Port Townsend. Whether anyone will ever read them remains to be seen... but it felt like they should be part of this "journey" I am sharing here.

Pausing for Station Identification

After a considerable break, I am returning to the HSP Notes blog.

I recently moved across the country, from Texas to Washington state. With all that a major move entails-- especially for an HSP-- both my bandwidth and inclination to post updates here were somewhat limited. Besides, I did not have particularly good Internet connectivity during the past few months. "Wireless Internet" is not all it is cracked up to be, especially when you live "At The End Of The World," as I do now.

Over the next few weeks, I am going to add some "back posts" about the process of moving when you're an HSP, along with the challenges and feelings of leaving one life behind, and embraching a new one. I say "back posts," because I am merely going to copy some of the most relevant journal musings from my journal, to this blog, with the dates as I wrote them.

Some might say "Why bother?"

And it's a valid question. The heart of the answer lies in the many HSPs I have gotten to personally know over the past decade, and in knowing how many dream of making "a major life change," yet are fearful of doing so because they have so little sense for what is actually entailed in the process of completely changing one's paradigm. Whether it is "altruistic" or "self-centered" of me, I feel that if sharing this experience helps even one HSP make a major life change for the better, then it is worth my while.

Stay tuned.

Feeling exhausted

I promise this will be the last post about my move, because I feel sure everyone is sick to death of hearing about it.

I have been exhausted, on a very deep level.

I came to the conclusion, a few days ago, that once the moving process ended and I was sleeping in a regular bed, in a real house... I pretty much died. A move like the one I just completed is a bit like running a marathon.

Running a marathon takes an extraordinary amount of training and preparation, ahead of time. In a sense, this is very similar to a major life-changing move. Then there is the race, itself. It's both tiring, and exciting, at the same time. At the end, you feel exhausted, but for a while you continue running on "residual adrenaline." Many marathon runners will rest for a few days after a race, and then "pretty much feel OK." So it was with me, once all the stuff had been unpacked, and I got settled in.

But there's a reason why marathn runners only run a few races a year. After a few days, a sort of "deep exhaustion" sets in... a long-term lethargy, as the body works to recover from a period of extreme effort and stress.

All told, I probably spent two years packing, reducing, downsizing, renovating the house, selling the house and a variety of other tasks before actually physically moving. All these things, while also going through the "normal" parts of life, like working to fund all the associated expenses. Then followed six weeks of frantic activity. Sure, it felt good to get settled in... but I found myself being happy, but completely lacking motivation. I basically found that I just wanted to sit and relax. A "busy day" was going to the grocery and walking on the beach.

As I write these words, I am slowly coming to life again. I have been "gone" for about three months... in a sense, that's how much the move "took out of me." Fortunately for me, I have been able to afford myself the relative luxury of being able to take the time to recover. I realize that not everyone can do such a thing.

Elaine Aron, in The Highly Sensitive Person, writes about how HSPs tend to have "in" periods and "out" periods. I realize now that I had been "out" non-stop for almost 24 months, so the three month "in" period was long overdue.

Happy New Year!

For lack of greater creativity, I'd like to take this opportunity to wish everyone a Happy New Year!

I often think about the turning of the year, in the context of where the mere marking of a date on the calendar gives way to something tangibly "new."

We often use the new year as a reason to "get started" on something, and to make resolutions of things we intend to accomplish in the coming year. In a sense, we try to "create newness" out of something that basically is-- if you think about it-- no more than "just another day."

I sense that my New Year actually has real elements of "newness" to it. After all, I am starting over, in a new location I have longed to be part of, for many years. I have actually created a new reality, which is a bit like a blank canvas I now get to start adding color to.

What do you have on the agenda for your new year, if anything?

Happy Holidays!

I have not felt very inspired, as of late. It feels like I have been trapped in one of those "in" periods Elaine Aron described as part of the HSP experience, in her books. Although I have been quite aware that I "need" to be updating this blog, I have just felt like there has been little to say.

I know that my time away has not merely been about feeling exhausted after the move. Traditionally, December has been a month of loss and difficulties for me, and having been a retail gift store manager (in an earlier life) also has contributed to a less-than-enthusiastic attitude about the holidays.

As such, I am going to leave this entry short, and merely use it as an opportunity to wish everyone who reads here Happy Holidays, and all the best in the coming year!