Anniversary Time: 20 Years of HSP Notes!

On September 26th, 2002 I got this crazy idea that I was going to start keeping a blog/journal about the whole "HSP Experience," at least as it was unfolding for me. 

At the time, I had been exploring the concept of being a "Highly Sensitive Person" for a little over five years, having stumbled upon Elaine Aron's first book in January of 1997.

I wasn't actually too sure as to what I was planning to write about, but I had a fair bit of enthusiasm... and I was starting to become quite active in a number of online HSP forums and message board communities, so I figured I could always write about some of the insights and ideas I picked up there. 

Those were the early days of "HSP awareness;" a time where the number of people who were openly aware that they were Highly Sensitive was pretty limited.

The whole idea of "blogging" was also still somewhat new to the world, but I had kept a paper journal for many years, so the idea of writing on a regular basis was not strange to me.

On the other hand, it was a pretty strange "project" for me to undertake; taking on such a public thing to do, for someone whose natural preference was to remain eternally in the shadows where I would not be noticed.

A lot of water has passed under the bridge, since then. More than 250 posts/articles about various aspects of life as an HSP have been written... and that's just on this site.

Alas, I don't write here as much as I once did, but I still feel moderately proud of at least having written something every year for all twenty years! And I know that 20 years is akin to ancient, in an Internet context.

Somewhere along the way, I determined that I was not — after all — going to become someone who spends their life teaching HSPs, at least not in the formal sense. It was an idea I toyed with for about a decade... but it was just never a "shoe" that fit very well.

Instead, I followed a path people often do, when it comes to learning something: We learn what we need to about the fundamentals of some topic, incorporate the learning into our daily lives... and the object of our attention then moves from holding a "centerpiece position" in our lives to simply being something we are always aware of, while no longer our primary defining characteristic.

That's not to say that I am no longer an HSP (as I wrote about, earlier this year), it just means that I am no longer walking down the street waving a metaphorical "HSP flag," I am instead living my life as a Human, who just happens to be an HSP.

And I think that's a pretty good life, all in all!

Do I ever wish I were not an HSP? Honestly... no. I used to wish I were different, but along the way I made peace with exactly who I am, even if that sometimes doesn't suit everyone in my life. In the end, it's my life, not theirs!

Meanwhile, a heartfelt "thank you" to the hundreds of HSPs I have met face-to-face, as well as the thousands I have had contact with through online groups and forums... and especially to the hundreds of thousands who have visited these pages since 2002, and who continue to visit. It never ceases to amaze me just how many people come here... and if even one person finds something useful here that helps make their day/life a little easier, then this whole experiment will have been a success!

And — with a bit of luck — I will still be doing this long enough to have a 25th anniversary, as well!

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I hope you enjoyed your visit here! HSP Notes has been published continuously since 2002, and I do this entirely as a "labor of love." However, if you feel that this site is of value to you, please consider becoming a "supporter" of HSP Notes, via my Patreon Art Account. Or support my creative endeavors by purchasing one of my hand painted stones — links in the right-hand column!

I have created a special $2 support level, being mindful that most HSPs are on a budget. Your contributions allow me the TIME to continue writing, rather than being forced to abandon the blog and use my writing time to pursue an additional outside job. Your consideration is greatly appreciated, and — as the idealist that I am — I believe the best way we can create a better world for all of us is to support each other's creative endeavors!

Life is a Series of Constant Re-Inventions

We HSPs are generally not fond of change.

Or we may be fond of change, but still find it massively disruptive and overstimulating to deal with it.

The latter, I suppose, holds more true for HSS HSPs.

I have been absent from these pages, for a while...

Once again — at age 58 — I find myself in the process of "reinventing myself."

As my three readers might remember, I have spent most of my adult life engaged in some form of self-employment. This is generally a really good "fit" for HSPs... we get to do things largely on our own terms, which typically includes creating a work-life that allows us to keep the lid somewhat on overstimulation, and at least manage it.

Of course, even when things are working quite well, change happens.

In this case, I am facing the reality that two of my four home-based micro businesses that have been sustaining us for the past decade+ have been in steady decline for some years — one due to an aging and dying primary demographic, the other due to competition from inexpensive alternatives in S.E. Asia — and we have reached a place (financially) where steadily increasing costs of living have overtaken steadily declining income.

So much for being in your "peak earning years" during your 50s!

There is always a "tipping point" in these situations... very minor events set a much larger action in motion. In our case, it was our homeowner's insurance. The renewal policy for the same insurance coverage we've had for six years arrived. Normally, the premiums have been ticking up 2-3% a year, which is bearable. This year, however, the monthly payments jumped from $108.50 to $132.17, an increase of 21.8%.

We all know that inflation is only about 2-3% a year, so what gives? Well, our home "turned 40" this year, which means being part of a different "risk pool."

Meanwhile, the fact that the "equation" is no longer working means not only that changes have to happen, but that the overstimulation is ramping up again. Well... it has already been that way for a while. Being perpetually late on your bills is stressful and overstimulating.

"Stuff Should be Free!" is Bogus!

Bit of a side track here, for a moment:

It's a nice piece of idealism to suggest that we should do things simply because it's the right thing to do, but until the supermarket thinks it's "the right thing to do" to give me my food for free, I'm not convinced. 

Much as I'd love for it to be real, we do not live in a "Star Trek Universe!"

Certainly, I'm not suggesting that we shouldn't do things for each other and help each other out; what I am talking about here applies on a larger scale. I am talking about things we continuously bring to the world that most people find to be "of value," and yet we are never compensated for them. Ultimately... there is no reciprocity!

I am also well aware that simply "Being A Good Person" is not a marketable commodity. Whereas people might appreciate our "goodness" we aren't going to get paid for it.

Not so long ago, I was having a conversation with a spiritual teacher who opined that you should never give away that which you have the most talent at. 

I can assure you that most "starving artists" don't want to starve; they are starving because other people keep insisting that they should do their art "purely for the love of it," and give them lots of pats on their backs for their amazing creativity, yet the moment they put a price tag on that art those same people instead start judging and accuse the artists of "Selling Out."

I agree with my spiritual friend that such a line of reasoning is not only hypocrisy, but also garbage.

Anyway, now I am reinventing myself... again. 

And so, I am also kicking life back into this HSP Notes blog, which — after all — remains the oldest chronicle of my journey through understanding this "sensitivity" thing in existence. I started this in 2002, five years after reading Elaine Aron's first book. Hundreds of blog posts over a 17-year period chronicle experiences, insights, lessons and the journey, itself.

I stopped, for a while, because I quite simply couldn't justify spending the time I spent here... without compensation. I had to spend that time doing something income producing. I also was working with a couple of other projects — and a different blog.

More about those, later.

Cha- Cha- Cha- Changes...

As I go back to writing more frequent articles about life as it intersects with being a Highly Sensitive Person, I will also be changing how this blog works, a little.

For some time, I have had limited advertising as well as some Amazon product links here... but these have gradually become less and less capable of producing more than a few cents, so they are going to go away over the next few months.

One of the things I have been increasingly involved with is the principle of "Voluntaryism."

To clarify, Voluntaryism is NOT the same thing as Volunteering. Voluntaryism is more economic in nature, and centers around the idea that things are basically free, but if a "recipient" believes that what they are getting "has value" — either to them, or to the greater community — there is a "payment system" in place that allows those recipients (or readers, or beneficiaries) to voluntarily compensate whoever created the thing of value.

Accordingly, I have decided that some of the more elaborate and research-based posts here will become available only through voluntary subscriptions to a Patreon account. This Patreon account will also serve as the "front end" for my efforts of putting together a book I announced long ago entitled "Please Don't Yell At Me! An HSP's Journey," which I have partly written, but never finished.

Those who are willing to "co-sponsor" my efforts (basically, allowing me to spend time writing, rather than being at work during those few hours a week, making a living), would be helping me not only make the book possible, but they would end up having "prepaid" for their own copy, when published. Hopefully, it will be a win-win situation.

And no worries, we are talking about a monthly commitment of probably less than you pay for a cup of coffee or tea at your local coffee shop! And, again, it will be voluntary... but hopefully it will make you feel like you are doing a "right thing" for the HSP community, as well!

I am simply trying to make some things — things that are important to me, and to quite a few other people — functionally possible, in the context of my life.

Stay tuned for more frequent updates, as the process unfolds! At this point, I'm looking to have the whole redesign and new direction operational by June 30th.

Thanks for reading!

I want to hear from you! I grew up in the era of "social blogging," and I believe blogs should be interactive, like mini message boards. Thus, your comments, feedback, ideas and thoughts are always welcome here, and I will do my best to respond, as well!

Reflection: HSPs, childhood and how early lessons shape our adult lives

We are off to Seattle, today, to see "The Hobbit."

I feel somewhat ambivalent about the whole thing. Don't get me wrong, the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy was a great movie event, and I thoroughly enjoyed it-- blood, gore and violence notwithstanding. Seems like a lot of people think "The Hobbit" series will be a much greater and "more important" set of movies than LOTR. Beats me.

When I was a teen growing up in Spain, it seemed like half the world around me was reading Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit. I just never got into it. I am not even sure how I "missed" it, so I got to reflecting a little bit on that, this morning.

I quickly came to realize that I grew up in a household where reading was absolutely encouraged, but meant I was weaned on Alastair MacLean and John LeCarre and other "spy vs. spy" action stories. James Bond was probably the closest thing to "fantasy" and "mystical" anyone considered reading, in my world. Occasionally, I'd be treated to a historical novel-- basically a "history book" with "characters" inserted to make the reading more... interesting.

In most aspects of my pre-adult life, I had little to no opportunity to explore "my own" sense of intrigue and interest... only the version of life that was superimposed on my existence by my parents and the adults around me, which included the books I read. It was an environment in which "children don't have opinions." I clearly remember that comic books were "banned" at our house-- I got repeated lectures on how they were "stupid" and lacked any kind of worthwhile content... and were basically "for people who are too dumb to read real books."

I think my father genuinely believed I'd turn into an idiot, if I read comic books...

During much of my childhood, everyone was "into" trading cards-- there were "space" trading cards, cars, nature, airplanes, sports and much. The "issue" I grew up with-- which caused trading cards to be a total "no-no" for years-- was that trading cards came in packs of gum. And gum-- being part of the candy "family"-- was also "banned" at our house. I eventually managed to make a tenuous agreement with my mom that as long as I bought the trading card/gum packs with my own money (from mowing lawns in summer and shoveling snowy driveways in winter) AND I agreed to open the packets in front of her so she could take the gum and dispose of it-- it was OK... even though she thought it was "stupid, and I would soon get tired of wasting my money."

Whether it's a natural part of being an HSP or not, I never argued with my parents... I just shrugged and went along with whatever was served up to me. Whether being "compliant" is part of a temperament type, or part of being an HSP, or something we are taught-- or some of each-- I don't know. But I do recognize that my "survival strategy" had a lot to do with wanting to keep my stimulation levels very low-- of course, as a child I had no idea that the reason I was so "excitable" was because HSPs are simply wired that way.

In her books about the HSP trait, Elaine Aron points out that highly sensitive children typically don't need to be yelled at, lectured to and/or controlled the way many other children do. The HS child typically learns easily, and doesn't need "beatings" to get the message. Nor do they typically need repeated lectures, reminding (and shaming) them over and over to drive home the point about some "trespass" of theirs.

What is not discussed very often is the effects a "highly controlled" (but not necessarily abusive) upbringing for a highly sensitive child can havem with respect to who they turn into, once they become adults. Specifically because HSPs tend to learn their lessons easily, childhood habits can be difficult to unlearn... regardless of whether they are "still serving" us, as adults.

In my own case, my very structured and controlled childhood helped turn me into a young adult who was always "waiting to take direction" from others. I have no doubt that my parents genuinely wanted "what was best for me," but they gave me their interpretation of that in a way that never involved my having my own opinions-- in fact, it often felt pointless for me to have opinions... unless said opinions/preferences happened to be what my parents wanted me to want.

As I continued to evolve into adulthood, those early lessons led me towards increasing solitude. When I sit here now and look back 25-30 years, I can see how I gradually learned to "have my own tastes and opinions"... BUT I fell into a pattern of only choosing what I wanted, and doing what I wanted, when I was alone. If there were other people around? I just went in whatever direction they wanted to go. Sometimes that would set up some awkward moments for me, especially in the company of those I considered friends, when they suddenly say something like "How come you never told me you were interested in _____ (fill in the blank)?" and I'd find myself trying to explain I hadn't "mentioned" a favorite pastime they perhaps also were interested in. Back then, I didn't really "get" that friendships existed and grew strong because of sharing, and my tendency to keep everything to myself was directly correlated with my difficulty in making-- and keeping-- friends; in and of itself a challenge many HSPs face.

In the latter part of the 1990s, I started learning everything I could about this "highly sensitive" trait of ours, as a result of which I got to know dozens-- and eventually 100s-- of HSPs through email and forums and workshops, and I really came to see the "effective" way in which childhood lessons imprint deeply on HSPs. I also came to see that my very "controlled" childhood was by no means a unique experience, among my sensitive peers.

Of course, I'd already been in therapy for a number of years, but had struggled with certain issues-- one of them being the ability to "just let it go," with respect to old patterns and behaviors I'd been taught were "right," when I was younger.

OK, so that wasn't precisely what my therapist had recommended-- but the gist of those words clearly lay as the core message below dozens of hours of analysis. I'm not for a moment suggesting that HSPs shouldn't learn to let go of the past and of habits that no longer (or never did) serve them... just that our path to reaching the "point of letting go" is often a little different, because we have "embedded" the lessons from the past far more deeply than most people do.

Another thing Elaine Aron often shares in her workshops and presentations is the fact that HSPs who grew up in chaotic and/or non-supportive homes tend to be more deeply affected and "harmed" by the experience than the greater population. Of course, the UPside is that those HSPs who grew up in loving and supportive homes are generally more powerful and well-adjusted people than their non-Sensitive counterparts. In other words, being highly sensitive works both ways.

So what's the message here?

To parents of HS children, to learn what they can-- and what it truly means-- to have a highly sensitive child. What you do for that child-- NOW-- will have more impact on their long-term functioning as a human being than you could possibly know.

To my fellow HSPs who struggle with "reacting to life" in ways that are clearly based on dysfunctional lessons from childhood... recognize that "letting go" may require you to chart your own path to healing. There may not be a standard "fix it method" you can get from a therapist or a self-help book. It's also a difficult thing to break out of a pattern of "dwelling on the negative." However, that must be done, if we are to truly leave our pasts behind. But here's the good news: as HSPs-- we have something going for us in that respect: Because we experience everything more deeply, and take those experiences to heart more readily... we also experience HEALING more deeply and profoundly.

To myself, the message is that I did have very judging and controlling parents who didn't encourage me to have my own thoughts and opinions. That's a fact, which I can put in a neat little "box" and store away. My parents are dead, however. Beyond that, life is full of judging and controlling people, and I will have to deal with them, sometimes. They are not my parents. I am not dependent on them for my survival. I have a right to my own opinions and convictions... AND a right to choose who I spend my time and energy on.

And yes, it's JUST "that simple."

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Talk back! Are there childhood lessons that clearly have controlled your life-- in ways that don't serve you well-- as an adult? Are you consciously aware of when you are "responding to a memory," rather than to the ACTUAL situation in front of you? Is it difficult for you to "let go" of old behavior patterns? Have you found any particularly helpful ways to move on? Share your experiences-- please leave a comment!

Sharing is kindness! When you use the buttons below, you help spread broader awareness of the HSP trait, ultimately making life better for for ALL of us. Thank you!
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New Monthly Feature on HSP Notes: HSP Portraits

Starting in the not too distant future, I will be adding a new (hopefully monthly) feature to the HSP Notes blog: "HSP Portraits."

HSP Portraits will be an ongoing series of (hopefully inspiring!) vignettes and interviews with HSPs from a wide range of backgrounds and walks of life-- all of whom have in common that they are empowered Highly Sensitive People, and they are making a difference in the world, in people's lives, and even in their own lives.

I won't necessarily just be featuring "famous" or "known" HSP personalities-- but also "the person next door" type who's quietly going about making the world a better place. What these folks will have in common (aside from being highly sensitive) is that they are examples of how to be in the world, and active agents in their own lives. Their stories are intended to showcase the positive sides of being a Highly Sensitive Person.

With this series, I also hope to share the vast array of different creative expression and talent HSPs bring to the world, from spiritual coaching to art to healing and to simply spreading general awareness of the HSP trait. We contribute in so many ways, but we're often quiet and soft-spoken, and feel challenged by-- and even uncomfortable with-- the idea of "tooting our own horns." Sometimes, it takes someone else to help us "shout the message from the rooftops."

The first HSP Portrait will appear on these pages sometimes in the fall of 2012, with subsequent installments on the second Monday of the month.

(Updated 05/20/2012: Due to current personal workload and other commitments, the start of this feature has been postponed from February to the fall. In typical HSP fashion, I'd rather "do it right" than merely "do it," on insufficient time!)

I hope you will find the HSP Portraits entertaining, interesting, enlightening and inspiring.

Making a difference: Soft Clothing for HSPs

I don't typically use this platform to "promote" or otherwise endorse people or products, but every now and then something crosses my path that I see as having the potential to significantly improve or positively affect the lives of people I care about; people who are members of "my tribe" of fellow HSPs.

As highly sensitive people, many of us have sensitive skin, and many have experienced the irritation of "scratchy labels" and uncomfortable clothing. Some of you are parents with sensitive kids-- and perhaps struggle to find clothing they are happy wearing. Perhaps you have also have found it difficult to find comfortable clothing for yourself.

This morning, I got a note from an acquaintance with an idealistic spirit, AND something else. She has an IDEA for a fledgling business that I realized could be of considerable positive impact for HSPs: She is designing and starting a line of "soft clothing" SPECIFICALLY for people with sensitive skin. Although her intended niche market (to begin with) is children with Autism, Sensory Processing Disorder, and a range of skin sensitivities, this is also a series of products that would appeal directly to HSPs, and might eventually include lines for adults, as well.

As I read her idea, I was reminded of how "fussy" I was about clothing, as a kid. I "made" my mom cut all the labels out of my shirts. Of course, that happened under duress, but still.

The reason I am writing this is NOT because I am asking you to go BUY something. Jessica (whose idea this is) is part of a "seed money contest" sponsored by Advanta Banking Services. Basically, the idea with the most "thumbs up" votes wins the start-up capital for their idea.

We often talk about how it's "part of being an HSP" to want to change the world, and to make a difference. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could help an idea that clearly is "HSP-friendly" make it, in the greater world?

Here's an opportunity to do just that.

This is VERY short notice, I realize-- the current contest ends at midnight on December 31st, so we need to act NOW.

If you believe this sounds like a "worthy" idea, please take a couple of minutes to follow the link below and cast your vote for Jessica's idea to become a reality:

Vote at the "Idea Blob" site

The site will ask you to register before you can vote, which will take you all of 30 seconds. If you feel like adding an encouraging comment to her entry page as well, that would probably be appreciated, too.

To see Jessica's web site, and more about "Soft Clothing," go here:

http://www.softclothing.net/

Please take a moment to make a difference for an HSP-friendly idea!

Happy New Year!