Life is a Series of Constant Re-Inventions

We HSPs are generally not fond of change.

Or we may be fond of change, but still find it massively disruptive and overstimulating to deal with it.

The latter, I suppose, holds more true for HSS HSPs.

I have been absent from these pages, for a while...

Once again — at age 58 — I find myself in the process of "reinventing myself."

As my three readers might remember, I have spent most of my adult life engaged in some form of self-employment. This is generally a really good "fit" for HSPs... we get to do things largely on our own terms, which typically includes creating a work-life that allows us to keep the lid somewhat on overstimulation, and at least manage it.

Of course, even when things are working quite well, change happens.

In this case, I am facing the reality that two of my four home-based micro businesses that have been sustaining us for the past decade+ have been in steady decline for some years — one due to an aging and dying primary demographic, the other due to competition from inexpensive alternatives in S.E. Asia — and we have reached a place (financially) where steadily increasing costs of living have overtaken steadily declining income.

So much for being in your "peak earning years" during your 50s!

There is always a "tipping point" in these situations... very minor events set a much larger action in motion. In our case, it was our homeowner's insurance. The renewal policy for the same insurance coverage we've had for six years arrived. Normally, the premiums have been ticking up 2-3% a year, which is bearable. This year, however, the monthly payments jumped from $108.50 to $132.17, an increase of 21.8%.

We all know that inflation is only about 2-3% a year, so what gives? Well, our home "turned 40" this year, which means being part of a different "risk pool."

Meanwhile, the fact that the "equation" is no longer working means not only that changes have to happen, but that the overstimulation is ramping up again. Well... it has already been that way for a while. Being perpetually late on your bills is stressful and overstimulating.

"Stuff Should be Free!" is Bogus!

Bit of a side track here, for a moment:

It's a nice piece of idealism to suggest that we should do things simply because it's the right thing to do, but until the supermarket thinks it's "the right thing to do" to give me my food for free, I'm not convinced. 

Much as I'd love for it to be real, we do not live in a "Star Trek Universe!"

Certainly, I'm not suggesting that we shouldn't do things for each other and help each other out; what I am talking about here applies on a larger scale. I am talking about things we continuously bring to the world that most people find to be "of value," and yet we are never compensated for them. Ultimately... there is no reciprocity!

I am also well aware that simply "Being A Good Person" is not a marketable commodity. Whereas people might appreciate our "goodness" we aren't going to get paid for it.

Not so long ago, I was having a conversation with a spiritual teacher who opined that you should never give away that which you have the most talent at. 

I can assure you that most "starving artists" don't want to starve; they are starving because other people keep insisting that they should do their art "purely for the love of it," and give them lots of pats on their backs for their amazing creativity, yet the moment they put a price tag on that art those same people instead start judging and accuse the artists of "Selling Out."

I agree with my spiritual friend that such a line of reasoning is not only hypocrisy, but also garbage.

Anyway, now I am reinventing myself... again. 

And so, I am also kicking life back into this HSP Notes blog, which — after all — remains the oldest chronicle of my journey through understanding this "sensitivity" thing in existence. I started this in 2002, five years after reading Elaine Aron's first book. Hundreds of blog posts over a 17-year period chronicle experiences, insights, lessons and the journey, itself.

I stopped, for a while, because I quite simply couldn't justify spending the time I spent here... without compensation. I had to spend that time doing something income producing. I also was working with a couple of other projects — and a different blog.

More about those, later.

Cha- Cha- Cha- Changes...

As I go back to writing more frequent articles about life as it intersects with being a Highly Sensitive Person, I will also be changing how this blog works, a little.

For some time, I have had limited advertising as well as some Amazon product links here... but these have gradually become less and less capable of producing more than a few cents, so they are going to go away over the next few months.

One of the things I have been increasingly involved with is the principle of "Voluntaryism."

To clarify, Voluntaryism is NOT the same thing as Volunteering. Voluntaryism is more economic in nature, and centers around the idea that things are basically free, but if a "recipient" believes that what they are getting "has value" — either to them, or to the greater community — there is a "payment system" in place that allows those recipients (or readers, or beneficiaries) to voluntarily compensate whoever created the thing of value.

Accordingly, I have decided that some of the more elaborate and research-based posts here will become available only through voluntary subscriptions to a Patreon account. This Patreon account will also serve as the "front end" for my efforts of putting together a book I announced long ago entitled "Please Don't Yell At Me! An HSP's Journey," which I have partly written, but never finished.

Those who are willing to "co-sponsor" my efforts (basically, allowing me to spend time writing, rather than being at work during those few hours a week, making a living), would be helping me not only make the book possible, but they would end up having "prepaid" for their own copy, when published. Hopefully, it will be a win-win situation.

And no worries, we are talking about a monthly commitment of probably less than you pay for a cup of coffee or tea at your local coffee shop! And, again, it will be voluntary... but hopefully it will make you feel like you are doing a "right thing" for the HSP community, as well!

I am simply trying to make some things — things that are important to me, and to quite a few other people — functionally possible, in the context of my life.

Stay tuned for more frequent updates, as the process unfolds! At this point, I'm looking to have the whole redesign and new direction operational by June 30th.

Thanks for reading!

I want to hear from you! I grew up in the era of "social blogging," and I believe blogs should be interactive, like mini message boards. Thus, your comments, feedback, ideas and thoughts are always welcome here, and I will do my best to respond, as well!

Ambition, High Sensitivity, Too Many Interests and Having "Enough"

I've been spending a few days recently trying to get my work life organized.

I work from home. I run three "micro businesses" from the house, and help out with two more. When people ask what it is I "do," I usually tell them-- only half-facetiously-- that "I play with my hobbies for a living." How that came to be is a long story I'll write about some other time. Anyway...

On paper, that probably all sounds rather lovely and bucolic. In practice? Not so much.

Aside from the fact that I am an adult HSP living with ADHD, I tend to not get nearly as much done as I would like to, or as I need to. After all, there are "bills and things" to be taken care of!

Part of the problem (or "challenge") is that I am genuinely interested in a lot of different things, and I have always struggled with prioritizing appropriately. It's not so much because I am "scatterbrained" as it is because I see the potential of many different things, and what they could become... if developed properly. And even though I am often able to develop these things, the ongoing grind of running and tending to them soon wears me down.

Some people struggle to get "from idea to reality," but that's not me. I struggle more with "ongoing" reality. I've always attributed this to a self-perception that I am inherently lazy. I have never been a very "active" person, nor what I (or other people) would consider a "hard worker." And I have certainly never felt "driven."

As such, one of my greaest problems with being self-employed (as well as one of the "answers" to my laziness life dilemma?) is that I lack ambition. I have previously written about the issue of ambition and achievement as an HSP... and it's a topic I continue to struggle with in a world that often feels like it operates on a "work hard, or perish" value set.

What I mean by that is that I will do exactly "enough" to get by and no more. I am not lazy in the sense that I will not do my very best work, because I believe that's just "right action." I am also not lazy in the sense that I believe I should be "served" or that I deserve "money for nothing," nor that the world "owes me" anything.

However, I have no inherent ambition to "strive" and "be greater," beyond my basic ambition to just "be enough." And it's a very old feeling, for me. I remember being at University and thinking about what I was going to do and be, after graduation. At 20-something, everyone around me seemed like they wanted to "take over the world" and become the next industrial magnate, or whatever.

I looked ahead and I just wanted to be able to afford a house, a car and food-- without having to work too damn hard for it.

In years gone by, my perceived "laziness dilemma" always seemed to get in my way when I worked "real" jobs. I was never "driven," so I struggled to do well in work situations that required me be to be highly competitive. I even lost jobs because I was not interested in the work load that came with a promotion to a higher level of responsibility. I expect that may be part of my HSP nature.

Bottom line, though, was that someone whose essential sense of self was around simply "being satisfied" did not seem to fit into a world eternally focused "more, bigger, taller, richer."

Upon reflection, I have come to realize that one of the potential downsides to living by a paradigm of "doing enough" is that I often have ideas for things that "might work out well," but I lack the inspiration and ambition to put them into action, especially when things are "going OK."  If the bills have been paid, I feel no particular desire to "get moving," however good an idea might be.

Yet, many of these ideas are definitely things I want to "do later." But by the time "later" rolls around, I often discover that someone else (aka "someone more ambitious") has already taken my idea and run with it, so I can't even USE the opportunity any more.

I don't say this to have some sort of personal pity party, but to point out one of the downsides... namely the frequency with which what seemed like a potential to get "enough" gets transmuted into "nothing at all."

Anyway, this post is a bit of a precursor to more writing on the ongoing topic of HSPs, work and ambition... and how to carve out our niches in life, without getting overwhelmed and stressed out in the process.

There is also a new book that has just been released, about HSPs and careers-- more about that in an upcoming post!

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What do YOU think? Does it come naturally to you to "strive" for greatness? Or are you more of an "enough to get by" sort of person? Is work a challenge for you? Do share and leave a comment!

Sharing is Love! If you found this article helpful, interesting, thought provoking or useful, please consider sharing it with others! Use the buttons below to post to social media or send by email, and help be part of  the ongoing process of spreading general awareness of the HSP trait. Thank you!
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HSPs and Work: The "Art" of Making a Living

Recently, I have been thinking (and writing) a lot about how we work, as HSPs. It's a complex issue, but one we pretty much all deal with.

When you're highly sensitive, you typically face a whole set of "issues" in work contexts; issues that are different enough from those faced by the rest of the world that most people don't "get it" when certain things cause us distress in work situations.

Often it boils down to other people not understanding why we are "bothered" by certain things-- the lighting, or noise, or people flowing in and out of our office or cubicle. At the same time, some people wonder why we "care" about some of the things we do; why we can't just "let things go" and simply be happy that we are "getting a pay check."

Work for the Highly Sensitive Person can be a delicate balancing act

Rather than just regurgitate (at considerable length...) what I have concluded about HSPs and working, I'd like to instead point you to three articles I ended up writing about this tricky subject, along with one written by fellow HSP writer Grace Kerina for the HSP Health web site. Each link will send you to another web site (perfectly safe, I promise!) where the articles are published. I hope you will get something useful from them!

Article One explores the nature of the many struggles we face in conventional work situations. It focuses on "identifying the issues" and talks a bit about how and why these are issues for HSPs. It is simply called "Work and the Highly Sensitive Person."

Article Two is a fairly in-depth look at what often turns out to be the "best answer" for the Highly Sensitive Person, when it comes to working... namely, Self-Employment. For some HSPs, self-employment is something they naturally reach for, knowing it's how they can best manifest their work ambitions. For others, it's more of a "defensive" strategy to get away from the drudgery of a "corporate" job. "The Highly Sensitive Person and Self-employment" takes a long-- and not always glamorous-- look at the ways working for your self can be both rewarding and challenging for HSPs.

Article Three examines the concept of pursuing our "true Calling" at work. You may have heard of the concept of having a "calling," but what does it really mean? But how do you identify it? And how do you turn something you truly love and thrive at doing into a profession? "Work and the Highly Sensitive Person: Identifying Your Calling" takes a deeper look at the issue of Callings-- what they are, how we identify them, and how we can develop them into an actual profession.

Grace Kerina's article about HSPs and work consists partly of sharing her own path to becoming a self-employed HSP and partly offers helpful suggestions on things to consider, when it comes to figuring out how we might pursue self-employment, as HSPs. Entitled "Highly Self Employed," it is definitely worth a read!

I realize that's a lot of reading, and I hope it doesn't feel too overwhelming! However, this is a very important topic, with many different facets to consider. If it seems like it might take a lot of time to get through, why not bookmark this page and come back for a later read?

Some of this information (but not all!) is also available in Barrie Jaeger's excellent book "Making Work Work for the Highly Sensitive Person," which I highly recommend. If you're and HSP who's baffled, distressed, concerned or otherwise in a state of flux in your work life, DO please consider buying and reading her book for some more valuable insight about HSPs and work. Here's a nifty link-- why not do it right NOW?

I would also love to read your comments and feedback about YOUR work experience as an HSP! Please leave a comment in the "comments" area.

High Sensitivity is not an "Illness:" Framing our lives in a more positive fashion

Being a Highly Sensitive Person "means" a number of different things in our lives.

Fundamentally, it means that we feel more, and we feel more deeply. In a sense we're more acutely "tuned in" to life and everything in it. As a result, it's easy for HSPs to get to a point of feeling overwhelmed and overstimulated.

Dr. Elaine Aron (author of "The Highly Sensitive Person) repeatedly emphasizes that high sensitivity-- as the inborn trait that it is... is a neutral trait. It has its pluses and minuses... but they all average out to being neutral. Unfortunately, many HSPs don't perceive themselves thus... they see themselves, how they are, and everything around them in a very negative light, often to their own detriment.

The rock of Gibraltar, from a beach in southern Spain

Much of my inspiration for this blog comes from hearing and reading what others say-- in their blogs, on web message boards, in email lists as well as in person. Recently, I have been noticing just how many HSPs see the trait as a distinct drawback, something they wish they were without, or could "cure"... and I wanted to examine that, and hopefully offer a gentle suggestion to adopt a different approach.

Some things I have heard/read recently include HSPs wanting to "be on disability" because they are highly sensitive. Others claim that the reason they can't "make a living" is because they are highly sensitive. Some insist their depression exists solely because they are HSPs. Similar claims can be applied to a variety of conditions, from shyness to being Bipolar, to ADHD.

Yet another group is made up of those who openly ask for support and help to-- allegedly-- be more capable of dealing with their sensitivities. That's certainly an excellent idea-- we can all use a little help and guidance-- but sometimes that's not exactly everything that's going on. Many workable suggestions are offered-- tips successfully used by other HSPs to make their lives easier-- but the people in question categorically reject everything that's suggested. No matter what, none of the suggestions "will work" or are "good enough."

After a while, it becomes quite clear that the person asking for help to deal with their sensitivity is actually asking for ways to get RID of their sensitivity. Which, of course, is not possible.

Much has been written about "creating our own reality," in the self-development and metaphysics industries. Whether you believe in creating reality, or the power of intent, or "positive affirmations," experience has taught me that it is just as easy to "create" a negative outcome as a positive one. It's all a matter of where you choose to focus your energy. Sadly, the HSPs who always seem to focus on the negative aspects of being highly sensitive also seem to get caught in a cycle of things "going badly" for them.

How do you make things turn out better... when everything feels so gloomy and depressing?

I'll be the first to admit that overstimulation, and feeling like life is just "too much" is not a lot of fun. Nor is criticism from those around you that you are "too this..." and "too that..." However, we have to start digging ourselves out of our (frequently) self-made holes of misery, somewhere. And since it's very unlikely to start with other people, it has to start with us.

Hillside water tank, near California Hot Springs

A good place to begin is with taking a completely honest inventory of what being a Highly Sensitive Person "means," in our lives-- and becoming fully accountable for what is ailing us. And along with that, recognizing what it doesn't mean to be an HSP-- including a number of illnesses and conditions-- even though we may be "attributing" such things to sensitivity.

Such honesty is not easy-- but it's important, when we truly want to heal and become strong and empowered individuals. We must reframe our negative self-perceptions... and work towards addressing and healing the actual issues at hand. For example:

You are not depressed because you are an HSP. You're depressed because something bad happened/is happening in your life... or because you have a chemical imbalance. Being an HSP may cause you to feel it more, but it didn't cause the depression.

You are not unable to make a living because you are an HSP. You're unable to make a living perhaps because you repeatedly choose jobs that suit you poorly, perhaps because you are trying to live up to other people's expectations, not your own, perhaps for some other reason. Being an HSP didn't cause you to be broke, but it may have made you more aware of your negative feelings towards work.

You are not shy or socially anxious because you are an HSP. Those are learned conditions that happened as a result of some negative social interactions you experienced in your past. Perhaps you're not either of those things, at all-- just aware that people easily overstimulate you, so you desire more time by yourself. Either way, being highly sensitive didn't cause your shyness, although it may have made you more tuned into feeling uncomfortable in certain situations.

One of the pieces of advice I most often offer my fellow HSPs is to "avoid comparisons," and to avoid letting other people define what's normal or not-normal... for YOU. The root word in "self-definition" is self. If you get overstimulated after two hours at a noisy party, then that's YOUR limit, and it's nobody else's business to define whether or not that makes you "abnormal" or not. It's not easy to shut out other people's opinions, and HSPs do tend to be very sensitive to criticism... but ultimately, we'll experience nothing but pain if we try to live by what other people think we "should" be able to do/handle/cope with or whatever.

In a sense, we must declare our own independence!

Once we separate out what our sensitivity truly is and stop trying to "repair" that part of us (which is futile, anyway!), we can attend to healing those parts of us that can be healed... whether it's "social anxiety" or a toxic relationship with work. And the beauty is... because we are HSPs, we'll experience the healing more strongly, as well!

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Talk Back! Do you-- or have you-- "blamed" high sensitivity (which is not "fixable") for "causing" problems or conditions in your life (which are fixable)? Do you have a clear sense of where your sensitivity ends, and other "issues" begin? Have you ever tried to "cure" your sensitivity? If so, what did you learn? Share with others-- please leave a comment!

Sharing is Love! Use the buttons below to share with others, and be part of spreading general awareness of the HSP trait. Thank you!
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HSPs, Stress, Simplicity and Turning Down the "Volume" of Life

I watch people, and their struggles with life-- and it makes me wonder about how we approach our choices, and our pursuit of meaning and happiness. Although I write these words from the perspective of being a highly sensitive person, I feel like they can be applied to pretty much everyone in this world-- not just HSPs.

So many struggle so much to deal with the overwhelming volume of "stuff" that seems to flow through modern existence... we even have programs like "Hoarders" on TV, showing us people for whom the "stuff" has gotten completely out of control. But somehow... we look at them and rationalize "Ah, but that's just an isolated few." And perhaps that's true-- in its most severe manifestation, and in a specific aspect of living.

But really....? REALLY?

Mt. Shasta, June 2012

We discuss "hoarding" and think about it in terms of having a lot of "items," but it strikes me this is just the tip of a much larger iceberg, and far more people struggle with this issue than we imagine... as "Hoarders of the MIND."

HSPs perhaps struggle more with this dimension of "excess" than the rest of the population, because we spend a lot of time "inside our heads."

For the highly sensitive, actual "stuff" (in the physical sense) may not be the greatest issue at hand, instead it is the mountain of "ideas," "experiences," "activities," "anxieties" and "beliefs" that weigh us down. We and those around us don't really notice this issue, because-- like emotional abuse-- there are no outward "physical signs" of emotional/spiritual hoarding... aside, perhaps from the way we find it difficult to "deal with life" because we're chronically overstimulated.

Think about it, for a moment...

Think about those you know-- and that includes yourself-- who are "stuck" in a state of paralysis or frenzy, because there is "too much content" in their lives. Think about the way people obsess endlessly over their (in)ability to reach some state of Being they feel like they "should" have. Think about the endless lists of "what needs to be done today/this week/this year/this lifetime," and how there's almost never any "space" left over to just sit and contemplate. Think about how many people have to "schedule" relaxation... because "something else" would not get done, if quiet time was something you merely took because you wanted to or felt like. Think about how many people feel bad about themselves... and even suffer from chronic low self-esteem because they look at those to-do lists and conclude that "I'm a useless person and I hate myself for not being able to get everything on my to-do list done."

Then think about how and why it got to be that way...

Not just in your life, or a friend's life... but in global life.

We spend a lot of time looking only at the symptoms of the things that ail us. We point at "poor organization" or "bad time management" or "lacking motivation" as the core reasons for not being able to get all of it done. There's a multi-billion dollar industry centered around organizational and motivational self-help.

And yet?

Nothing ever seems to change. In recent years, I have spent more time examining our underlying motivations, rather than the "symptoms."

Olympic Peninsula, Washington, October 2012

In the end, everything seems to be fear based. Almost all hoarding exists due to a fear of "not having," in some capacity. Sure, there are "rational and reasonable" triggers... often based in some past trauma. But even seemingly "healthy" people do it... and I strongly believe that emotional hoarding is still an illness-- albeit a "cultural illness." It's a way to-- individually and collectively-- put a "barrier" between us and merely "being" in the world, as we are.

Maybe society teaches us fear. I don't know. Actually, I am pretty sure it does... or it's at least part of the picture is societally generated. We are surrounded by messages that we are somehow "failing at life" unless we constantly FILL it with something. Even as I sit here typing, I watch the cursor on my screen "freeze" every thirty seconds, as my computer (via Facebook, this article started as a shorter Facebook post) updates an endless parade of things I should "want," "need," "have" and "do." The implication is that if we HAVE or DO less, we somehow ARE "less."

Whether my assessment is ultimately true or not, society DOES teach us to regard "input overload" as normal, and then goes on to define the choice to have/do "less" as either "underachieving" or "laziness."

As HSPs, our sensitivities can become augmented to the point of hypervigilance because we're tuned in to the feedback from the world around us. We process the signals from our surroundings... and impose on ourselves that we "should" be able to finish our to-do list. We tell ourselves that "that's what EVERYone does!" Then we run like crazy, operating under 24/7 stress and tell ourselves that we can get it all done. And when we're not physically running, our minds are running-- processing endless thoughts about how we might make ourselves come across as "more normal," while telling ourselves we can do that, too...

Agreed! Absolutely! We "can" get it done...

You can also become a professional basketball player, even if you're short-- as Spud Webb did, at 5'7" (170cm) tall.

But why choose the most difficult path you can find, with the most obstacles in the way? Why choose a path that really doesn't feel "natural" to you? And why choose the path "defined" by society, rather than by yourself? Here comes that rationalization again: "Because that's what people DO!" And below it lies a deeper rationalization-- one we're perhaps not as proud of or willing to admit to, because it shows our less-than-pretty insecurities: "I want people to be impressed with me and by extension like me!"

So? Who cares? Your life is your life. Comparisons are deadly. And for HSPs-- who tend to be very "inner oriented" and "self-referencing"-- basing life on "outer oriented" cues can be particularly toxic; leading to physical illness, low self-esteem, depression and a host of other issues. And here's a fact check for you: Other people are only going to be "impressed with you" to the extent you're impressed with yourself.

Lake Siskiyou, California, June 2012

So how do we deal with all this?

One of those clever "pop culture" self-improvement principles asks the metaphorical question "do you see your glass as half FULL, or half EMPTY?" Then it goes on to teach us that we can live better lives if we learn to take a positive attitude and see our Glass of Life as "half full."

Whereas I agree with the underlying principle of this maxim, let's step back and look at the bigger picture.

Let's look at the glass, for a moment.

If your Glass of Life is so BIG you have no hope in hell of ever keeping it even half full-- let alone ever getting it completely full... of course you're going to eternally struggle with life, and not feel good about yourself. And it's not your approach to life (optimism/pessimism or happiness/depression) that's the issue, it's your F&%#(*!! GLASS!!!

Bottom line, get a smaller glass!

If your "glass" is of such a size you can relatively easily keep it half full and-- God forbid-- maybe even fill completely from time to time, of course you're going to have an easier time feeling good about life!

His Holiness The Dalai Lama once said "The purpose of life is to be happy!"

I can already hear a chorus of protest rising, all its voices singing out the words "But I/you can't just not ____ (fill in the blank)"

Why not?

What are you afraid will happen, if you "take away from" the quantity in your equation of life, rather than "add to it?" What are you afraid you will "not have?"

Look, if you are genuinely content and living a happy and fulfilled life in pursuit of keeping your giant glass "half filled," then these words are really not directed at you. But the point is, most people have a "giant glass" but they are not happy with the state of their glass (aka "life")... and they are eternally in a state of struggle and emotional turmoil. Many will say (truthfully!) that they are "working on" making things better; making their life more manageable. But the problem is that they are working on the "symptoms," not the "problem," itself.

Assessing your life-- honestly-- and embracing greater simplicity and "less" in both the physical and spiritual/emotional realms can be both scary and challenging. Bottom line, many "factions" of our (especially western) consumer society depends-- for its own survival-- on keeping us all fearful and overworked. It accomplishes this by portraying life as a "contest," where the objective (or "winnings") center around the word "more." It teaches us that merely wanting "enough" is not acceptable... unless, of course, we define "enough" as "having it all."

I say-- sometimes the ONLY reasonable path to happiness and inner peace is to embrace the word ENOUGH!

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Talk back! Do you feel overwhelmed by the "content" of your life? How do you define how you want your life to be? Is it done through an INNER process, or an OUTER process? If you are letting others/society define your life for you, why? What do you think would happen if you chose LESS content in your life? Leave a comment-- share your perspective and experience!

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HSP Notes Gets a New Name (sort of!)-- and a Facelift

If you're a regular visitor to HSP Notes, you may have noticed that things look a little different...

For starters, there has been a name change... of sorts. After more than ten years as "hspnotes.blogspot.com," the HSP Notes web address is now simply "hspnotes.com."

What does this mean to you? Actually, not a whole lot-- either address will still find the site, but it might be a good idea to update your bookmarks with the new address. And if you add links to here from your own blog or web site, it's better to use the new address.

In addition, the site's layout and design has been changed to reflect the more modern standard of "widget driven" web sites. The old design-- which I had been using since 2009-- was getting a bit dated and no longer supported the latest "building blocks" that lie beneath the surface of any web site. Besides, I'd had a few comments that the (old) site seemed "too wide" on a large monitor-- making the very looong lines of text difficult to read-- and the new design addresses that issue, as well.

Other than that, HSP Notes is still... "HSP Notes." All the old content and archives (going back to 2002) are still here, as are all the resource links-- and they are pretty much in the same places as they used to be.

What is new is that I will be adding a number of free-standing pages to the site, now that it is no longer "just a blog." Since HSP Notes is basically a labor of love, I will be doing this in my copious (not!) spare time... so don't hold your breath!

Meanwhile, the holiday season is upon us! For some HSPs, this is a time of joy and celebration and family gatherings... but for many, it is a time of some stress and overwhelm, making them just want to run home and hide from all the noise and lights. I recently wrote an article about "Coping with the Holidays," and it includes a number of tips on how to manage overstimulation during a time of the year when there is a LOT going on:

HSP Living: Tips for Dealing with the Noise and Stress of the Holiday Season

For a number of years, I have been encouraged to write about HSPs and work. I have generally not said much about that topic (A) because of Barrie Jaeger's excellent book about HSP work and (B) because it's a huge area that can't be dealt with in just "a few blog posts." However, a fellow HSP-- writing on an HSP message board on Facebook-- pointed out that it has been over seven years since Barrie Jaeger's book was published and "a lot has changed." That offered enough motivation to get me started on a series of articles about HSPs and the work experience-- part one was completed a few weeks ago:

HSP Topics: Work and the Highly Sensitive Person, Part I

Several more installments are in the work, including how to discover your calling and turn it into paying work; HSPs and self-employment; HSPs and managing difficult people at work; How changing your work can change your life-- and vice-versa; Finding balance between idealism and the need to make money... and more.

If you have an "HSPs and work" related topic of interest, by all means leave a comment-- I might incorporate it into an upcoming article.

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The Self-Employed HSP and the Importance of Planning

I am self-employed, and have been-- in one form or another-- for many years.

Even while I was working for various companies, I always had some kind of "sideline business" going.

Self-employment is quite common among HSPs, moreso that among the population at large. In her book "Making Work Work for the Highly Sensitive Person," (highly recommended, by the way-- useful book for all HSPs!) Barrie Jaeger advocates self-employment as one of the better chances we have at getting involved in work that truly is our "calling."

It's not surprising: most HSPs find traditional workplaces oppressive and filled with rules that squash creativity, as well as excessively competitive and not friendly to someone sensitive. The physical environment of many workplaces-- noisy, cramped, windowless-- also does not bring out the best in us.

Whereas self-employment typically offers the best opportunity for creative expression and freedom, it is not without its challenges, especially for a Highly Sensitive Person. When I consult with HSPs about their one-person businesses, the greatest challenge seems to be the "business end" of having your own business. This is not surprising: With so many of us being intuitive/creative right-brain processors, we find it difficult to deal with the distinctly left-brain "nuts-and-bolts" aspects of business: planning, record-keeping, accounting, budgets, etc.

Some might even say "Oh, I can't DEAL with that sort of stuff! I'll just figure it out as I go along and everything will just work itself out."

Whoa.
Not so fast.

Typically, such an approach is a recipe for disaster.

Or, at least, a recipe for getting yourself immersed in a sea of chaos, leading to HSP-overstimulation, possibly leading to frustration with being in business for yourself.

First, let's tackle the "I can't" myth-- as in "I can't deal with that sort of stuff."

Even if you are a "creative" and "intuitive" and "right brain" type of person, let's remember that it's simply not true that you "can't" use the left (logical, number crunching) side of your brain. Unless you happen to have had a lobotomy, you can engage the left side of your brain-- it's just not your dominant function. And you may feel resistance because "left brain activities" feel difficult, restrictive and boring.

"I can't" is just a story we tell ourselves when faced with something we don't like.

As it is the beginning of the year, I recently finished doing my business planning for the year (and years) ahead. When you are self-employed, having a plan-- and actually formulating and writing it down-- is very important, because it helps us define what it is we're trying to do, and then gives us a road map of sorts helps gauge whether we're "making it," or not. Just having the plan "in your head" is not enough!

As an HSP and a veteran of "doing this," I can't overstate the importance of taking the time to have a business plan, both for the current year, and for the future.

Before you panic, business plans don't have to be elaborate, or contain 40 pages of numbers in little columns. At its root, a business plan is no more than a written statement of "where you are now," and where you want to be (by some date, like "December 31st," or "Five years from now"), and even the most rudimentary statements about "what that entails."

The main things a business plan does is force you to "quantify" what you're doing.

"I want to be a successful author by 2017" is NOT a business plan.

"I want to write and publish three books in my field of expertise by 2017" is a business plan.

And yes, it can be "just that simple."

If you're feeling resistance-- for whatever reasons-- to having a PLAN (it feels "restrictive," it "limits your creativity" or "plans involve numbers and I HATE numbers!"), her's something important to remember. Once you've made it, you don't have to become a slave to it!

All it's there to do, is help you define and think through the process that gets you from "right now" to your dream of (for example) "successful author." The level of detail you want to put into it-- when each book needs to be finished, or how much you need to write every month/week-- is completely up to you. Just get "the bones of the process" down on paper. Make a few rough estimates ("guess-stimates") of the time you need vs. the time you have, any major expenses you might encounter and how you're going to fund them, research what one actually gets paid each time a book sells.

But don't overthink it or overdo it... as HSPs we often get bogged down in details, which can lead to "analysis paralysis."

I'll close by bringing up the "map analogy" again.

Your business plan is your road map. Indeed, if you need to travel by car from one side of New York city to the other, you may well be able to do so, using your intuition and "figuring it out as you go along." But odds are it will take you much longer, and you'll get lost several times, and burn a lot more gas before reaching your destination... than if you'd had a map. Having the map doesn't mean you're going to sit with it in your lap, the entire time... you're just going to pull it out now and then when you're freaking out a little and thinking "now... where the hell AM I?"

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Talk Back! Are you self-employed? If you are, do you have a written plan? If not, why not?  If you are not self-employed, would you like to be? If the idea appeals to you, but you've chosen not to... what's holding you back? Thanks for reading, and please leave a comment!

HSPs, Authenticity, Work... and Negative Perceptions of Money

One of the most frequently discussed topics in groups of HSPs-- be it online, at a local group meeting, or at an HSP Gathering-- tends to revolve around work, and around how to make a living while also living authentically.

In her book "Making Work Work for the Highly Sensitive Person," author Barrie Jaeger talks about the type of work she classifies as "drudgery," and how soul-crushing it can be for HSPs to be stuck in types of work that feels out of step with their sense of idealism. Jaeger then recommends that we identify and search for the work that represents our true Calling. Sadly, an awful lot of HSPs are stuck in drudgery work. Also sadly, a lot also identify with a somewhat toxic belief system centered around the notion that pursuing one's True Calling somehow requires taking a vow of poverty.

Finding one's Calling, of course, is easier said than done. And it often involves looking at certain secondary-- and very practical issues: How do we make money at our ostensible Callings? Dr. Elaine Aron writes-- in "The Highly Sensitive Person"-- that while HSPs are often highly educated and qualified, they tend to gravitate towards jobs that are generally low paying, in our society: Artist, writer, teacher, musician, librarian...

But there's more to it than that.

Whether it's actually part of the HSP trait or not, I've also often run into what I have come to think of as a form of "counterproductive idealism," when it comes to HSPs, work and making money. This belief centers around the (largely false!) notion that it's "impossible" or "wrong" to claim that you're living authentically unless you turn your back on all things material and monetary.

Frankly, I'm not convinced it's very healthy (or "evolved," for that matter) to be attached to the idea that if you're making money, "you're not living authentically."

Think about it, for a moment...

To my way of thinking, it's a rather unbalanced perspective. To think that "authenticity" can only come through embracing an ascetic lifestyle is actually as "extremist" in nature as the practices of those who subscribe to the idea that "success" can only be reached through the relentless pursuit of material wealth at all costs... you're really just looking at the flip side of the same coin.

So if you hold this belief that money is somehow "evil" and even an "obstacle" on your path to authentic happiness, I invite you to pause and consider WHY you hold this belief? What is your real "issue" with money, making money and having money? And then I invite you to consider the inherent paradox within your beliefs: You are rejecting money as being "important," even while "money/wealth" (the rejection of) is actually the centerpiece of your belief system about working and authenticity. So what you're really saying is that money actually IS important to you....?

But... "Money is the root of all evil"... right?

Actually, no. That's probably one of the most misquoted quotes of all time. The actual quote (from the Bible, 1 Timothy, 6:10) is "For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows" (emphasis added).

By now, some of you might be asking "Why are you making such a big deal out of this?" Because I've met a surprising number of HSPs who've actively rejected their Calling with reasoning such as "I love the creativity of developing marketing campaigns for charities, but I'm not doing it because that industry is all about money!" It is almost as if the fact that we get paid somehow reduces the "worth" of the work. When I hear a statement like that, I find myself thinking "So you've rejected doing what you love because the field has a financial orientation, and instead you choose to work as a retail sales clerk, living at poverty level, hating what you're doing... while trying to convince me, the world and yourself that at least your life is authentic?"

Bullshit, says I!

As an HSP, my own work history has run the range from the relentless pursuit of material success and chasing the Almighty Dollar, to actually rejecting the need to make money and have anything material (I actually once voluntarily took an 80% pay cut in service of pursuing "my authenticity!"), to my current state of balance, in which I feel a deep gratitude for being able to make a pretty good living doing things I really love to do. And I am not ashamed (which I would have been, at one time) of the fact that I am probably better compensated for what I do than 90% of self-employed HSPs.

Now, if that sounds like it's being "boastful" or somehow "insensitive," I will hurry to point out that I share this information only for the purpose of getting others to think about their own relationships with work and money. Specifically, I invite you to consider whether or not part of your difficulties with work, money and living authentically are caused by your beliefs "getting in your own way." Let me assure you that keeping yourself broke neither assures authenticity, nor is it "noble;" choosing to deliberately struggle and suffer is more self-destructive than a path to "glory." If you have a dislike of money (and "making money") ask yourself if that's really you... or perhaps a subtle case of sour grapes: a subconscious statement of "because it's always so hard for me to make a living, I'm going to pretend money doesn't matter to me."

Originally, I had planned to write a bit about work for HSPs and finding our Calling... but I got sidetracked when I started to consider this fairly common obstacle many HSPs face, on their path of self-discovery.

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Talk back: As an HSP, how is your "relationship" with money? Does materialism disgust you? Do you regard money from a primarily practical perspective, or do you also have a "philosophical" relationship with wealth? Do you believe one needs to reject material things in order to live authentically? If you got involved in your True Calling and it paid extremely well, would you feel grateful, or rather appalled and uncomfortable? Leave and comment and help start a discussion!

Being "In The World" and Working Hard

For many years I tried to learn to be sturdier, emotionally-- and eventually developed some kind of "mask" of capability. Seemed to work, although some of my closer friends seemed to "get" the fact that the facade didn't really match what was going on, on the inside. However most of my work life, and much of my social life seemed to demand it.

I guess I have more or less told society that it can have its BS... and that my inner peace is about me being happy, not about them being happy because they feel like they can "safely approve" of my activities. Maybe it sounds somewhat egocentric, and not very HSP-like.... but I guess I am not into being society's doormat, on some weird level.

So I am not "getting it together and getting tough" in this economy... instead finding peace with the idea that there is still lots of "fat" in my lifestyle that I don't really need. Because, ultimately, I don't want to be a tough, competitive person. I don't believe in "getting ahead" by being on your toes... on someone else's toes.

I don't speak from some nihilistic "because I don't have it, I don't need it" perspective. I've owned a business, had stress, made a six-figure income.... and have decided I didn't like who I became, as a person. The world's perceptions of what I "should" be doing to be a "success" laid on my skin like an oily film... polluting my "self," and leaving me with an "empty" feeling. What's that expression? "Hollow victory?"

I "quit" and became a writer. Struggling? Sure. A friend of mine quit a high profile engineering job with a local Fortune-500 company-- now she's self-employed and has a pet sitting service. She feeds her "need" to (a) make people's lives easier and (b) cultivates her love of animals. She has created her own reality.

Work, Money and HSPs

There seems to be a trend (in terms of work) that plagues many HSP-- that of being "chronically underemployed." In the HSP Workbook, Elaine Aron mentions the fact that HSPs often gravitate towards fields/careers that are uncommonly poorly compensated-- such as art, writing, music, library science, etc. I know that I certainly fit into one of those categories (or several). Whenever I haven't labored in retail (well-compensated, I grant you, when I was a business owner), I have always "known" that I wanted to be a writer. Yet, I have never been able to earn much of a living wage from writing-- except when "selling out" to be a technical writer for hire.

At the same time, there is much "wisdom" out there, to the effect of "Do what you love, the money will follow." I am just wondering if we-- as HSPs-- have greater difficulty getting "the money to follow" than the rest of the world, given the particular kinds of things we "love?" And because we so often gravitate towards work that doesn't pay a whole lot-- we have very little to "fall back on" while trying to build up whatever vocation is our dream; our calling.

As an example, I used to run the aforementioned business-- which fit my personality very poorly. Lots of stress and anxiety, felt like a misfit, but I was very well paid. Now I am a writer, which I love. However, I have traded the stress of constant cacophony and "go! go! GO!" for the stress of not knowing how I'll pay for next month's rent. It is still stress.

My answer is increasingly becoming one that I notice other HSPs follow: Simplification. A smaller, less expensive lifestyle that is sustainable at the income level generated by whatever professions allow us to follow our bliss.