Exciting News!

I have periodically complained that Austin-- in spite of generally being the most "progressive" metro area in Texas-- is rather lacking when it comes to "HSP-friendly" ideas and activities.

I have great hopes that this is going to change. Well, at least I have great hopes that it will change for me.

Late last year, a world-class retreat center opened in Austin. Not only did it open in Austin, but it is in the far north, no more than 5-6 miles from where I live. Omega at the Crossings is part of the greater Omega organization, based in Rhinebeck, New York.

From looking at their spring course catalog, I see a lot of the "big names" of the self-growth and metaphysics world will be making stops here.

Things are looking up....

Happy Holidays!

Another year is almost at a close. I will take this opportunity to say Happy Holidays to those who read these words. In a few days, it will be 2004, so I will say Happy New Year, while I am at it.

I have found it somewhat difficult to maintain this blog, I must confess. I don't know exactly why, as I continue to feel quite passionately about the task of "spreading awareness" of the HSP trait. Sometimes, I feel the challenge has most been about how to stay "on topic," how to keep up with ideas that are specific to the HSP trait. I was never particularly good at focusing. My previous attempts at blogging and having web sites were always very general and "scattered," because I have a LOT of interests.

In fact, I have started another blog, elsewhere, which is far more "general" in nature. It is called "Inner Reflections," and is on the xanga blogging site. I like it better because it is far more "interactive" than this site. In a few short weeks, I already have a much larger readership than HSP Notes.

All in all, it was a good year for me. I got to go to an HSP Gathering. I feel like I have found my "tribe," on this planet. I started building the "Inner Reflections" web site, although I have miles and miles to go. I started several "regional" HSP discussion groups on Yahoo, hoping to get more HSPs involved in knowing each other at a local level. I feel hopeful that a few people might sign up for the Texas group.

I don't normally make New Year's resolutions, although I'd like to think I'd get back to making regular contributions to this site. And perhaps, I can go to another HSP Gathering, next year.

HSPs and Woundology

I have not been paying attention to this blog, and I feel somewhat guilty about it. I suppose-- to some degree-- I have felt a little discouraged, this summer and fall. At first, I thought I just felt "low" as a result of missing the atmosphere from the HSP Gathering in California, but there has been more to it than that. Having spent a few days in California, I have become profoundly aware of just how NON-HSP Texas is, as a place.

But that's not what has brought me back here.

A recent discussion in one of the HSP web groups revolved around HSPs and "playing the victim." That is, turning the HSP trait into something to "hide behind" and use as an "excuse" to not participate in all manners of things.

Actually, I believe what's going on is the more subtle practice of "woundology." Maybe that sounds like a matter of semantics, but there is a difference.

Victimology is a fairly active process, in which there is an element of "woe is me, feel sorry for me, because of how I am." It's not uncommon, and is by no means limited to the world of the highly sensitive.

Woundology is more pervasive. There's usually no "feel sorry for me" aspect involved... merely a pattern of behavior in which "the wounded" chooses to live in such a way that they avoid the majority of life because of their "wound." In the case of HSPs, they avoid being active agents in their own lives, choosing not to do things "because they are sensitive." In their own minds, they are merely "honoring their sensitivity." But are they really? Sometimes, perhaps. But remarkably often, the "wound" is used to mask deeper psychological issues that aren't about sensitivity, at all.

An example might be the person who always says "no" to going out to eat with friends, or going to see a film, citing that she will "become overstimulated and have to leave." The "reason" used is sensitivity... but underneath, we find something else. Perhaps "I'm highly sensitive" is merely a "cover" to avoid looking at what is actually a case of Social Anxiety Disorder. By saying "I'm sensitive," and using the HSP trait as a "shield," the person gains not having to deal with a deeper problem.

It is not always easy to look at our "bag of goods" truthfully.

Sometimes, however, it is essential that we do so.

Connecting Locally: Groups for HSPs

This weekend I have been thinking (again) about the way HSPs feel "disconnected" in the world, and how we often tend to isolate ourselves.

At the HSP Gathering in California, Elaine Aron spoke about the importance of HSPs connecting with other HSPs. During the interactive session after her presentation, a couple of people asked about how to meet other HSPs locally. Elaine pointed out that there's an entire chapter dedicated to HSP Discussion Groups in the back of The Highly Sensitive Person's Workbook, outlining how people might start and maintain their own local groups.

I do have the workbook, and have read this chapter-- 42 pages worth-- and found it a bit overwhelming. The idea of groups appeals to me, but I am also not sure there are enough HSPs around Austin, TX to form a local group. Texas feels like one of the least HSP-aware parts of the US.

I have also been looking at a new web site called "meetup," which seems to work as an intermediary or organizing tool for people who connect online, but want to meet in physical space. They do have a category called "Fans of Elaine Aron and Highly Sensitive Persons" but there are only 92 people listed as "interested," in the entire country. And since the group heading doesn't include the term "HSP," I'm not sure how many will find it. As usual... another great tool if your interest is "I love dogs," not so great if your interest is unusual or esoteric.

But why not online groups, in the meantime? Elaine Aron doesn't really talk much about online discussion, but why not? It seems more suitable to HSPs-- most of whom are introverts, after all. The HSP group on Yahoo has 100's of members, and so does Thomas Eldridge's HSP message board... I've been part of both for several years.

I know I'd personally feel more comfortable getting to "know" people online before meeting them. I experienced it firsthand with HSPs at the California Gathering-- several people from the Yahoo group were there, and it felt like we "knew" each other when we met.

I am thinking about starting up "local" (or "regional") HSP groups on Yahoo. I don't really relish the idea of being an "admin" of any more groups (I have a lot going on... such as trying to make a living) but I don't think anyone else is going to do it.

For now, maybe I will start with a few major cities/regions where there is above average HSP awareness-- perhaps California, the Northeast, Chicago area, Seattle/Vancouver... and see what happens. I'll post links here as I figure out how to do this.

If anybody has any suggestions on how to do this, or are looking for a group in your area, leave a comment or send me an email.

HSP Gathering October 16-19 in Litchfield, CT

The second Annual East Coast HSP Gathering will take place at Wisdom House in Litchfield, CT on October 16-19, 2003.

See Elaine Aron's web site for more information at:

http://www.hsperson.com/pages/gather.htm

I can tell you from my personal experiences this past summer that an HSP Gathering is a very empowering and validating event-- and it's not too late to sign up for the coming event! I wish I could go, but unfortunately my finances won't allow it.

A Strange Letdown

It has been more than a month, since I went to the HSP Gathering in California. For quite a while, I felt very excited about having found my "tribe," and about the connections I had made with new friends. I worked hard to create a lot of web pages chronicling what it was like, and I wrote articles and posts on the Internet about the event.

In recent days, I have started to feel rather "flat." Even though I still am exchanging a lot of email with people I met, the volume has slowed way down... and folks who for a moment seemed enthusiastic and outgoing seem to have gone back into hiding.

I realize that it's the feeling of having "had" something, and now I am missing it. I am not entirely sure what to do about that. I have previously met with people I first knew on the Internet, and we became friends in "real life" as well-- but this feels different, somehow. Perhaps it's because the connection and sense of "community" was so intense. And because we all seemed to get along, so well.

As I look back on those four days in June, I am once again amazed at how 30-odd people could spend so much time, so close to each other... and never have an argument or an annoyed moment.

I miss that.

California HSP Gathering Photojournal

As a continuing expansion of the "Inner Reflections" web site, I have created a photo journal of my experiences and impressions from the 2003 West Coast Gathering. It is rather more detailed than my previous entries here, and include my own-- as well as other Gathering participants'-- photos. It can be found at:

http://innerreflections.homestead.com/hsp03ca1.html

It seems that all my "writing bandwidth" since the Gathering has gone into both making the photo journal, as well as into the flood of correspondence between my new friends, and myself.

On top of that, Elaine Aron asked if I'd like to write an article for the "Comfort Zone" magazine, which I was also working on, until recently.

And then, of course, I have been doing some regular "work," in some kind of feeble attempt to pay for all this travelling I have recently been doing. And then, of course, I am trying to save up for the East Coast Gathering, which is the next event on the calendar...

Now that I have six weeks of "distance" between myself and the Gathering, I can definitely say that HSPs are-- in the broadest sense of the word-- "my Tribe." But even so, there are certain "types" within that tribe that I felt more of a connection with... they were the rather "luminous" and especially empathic and intuitive people. "Feelers," more than "thinkers." They had a certain "softness" about them, and I got this sense that they were all in tune with... a sort of "alternate reality" that wasn't visible to the naked eye. And they definitely had their lives "together," rather than feeling like "victims" of their lives.

And I really got a feel for just how important it is for "us" to have friends and connections who are "like us." I simply can't overstate the value of that.

Feeling like an alien in my own family

I recently got an email from my cousin in Denmark. Unlike the majority of my family, she's someone I actually feel connected to, someone I can talk to.

I was an "alien" within my own family. I was born into a very "old"-- and old fashioned-- European family. Things were always done "a certain way," and I grew up in the spectre of the saying "Children should be seen, but not heard." As an introspective and highly sensitive child, I was OK with that.

The thing about my family-- as a group of people-- is that they are all (with the exception of this one cousin) "emotionally constipated." It is like someone has gone in and deactivated the DNA that connects them to the concept of "feeling." I mean, most of them are nice enough, and I suppose they mean well in a very "practical" sort of way. But I was never able to "connect" with any of them-- so although I grew up with a fair number of people in my life, I always felt completely alone. And, to this day, I have never been able to determine how the feeling dissociation in an entire family got to be so complete.

Personality inventories such as Myers-Briggs and the enneagram talk about "feeling" types and "thinking" types, and so forth. In my family, "non-feeling" struck me as more of a lifestyle than a personality trait. People who "felt" were viewed as weak, and occasionally as "hysterical." It was a desert wasteland for me to grow up in.