The Challenge of Considering, Making and COMMITTING to Changes!

For the past few weeks, I have been thinking a lot about the direction of this blog. Specifically, I've been thinking about the idea of how to combine all the different things I do into one central location, after years of deliberately keeping separate things separate.

The entire process feels a little bit very overwhelming!

As an HSP, one of the things I have learned about myself is that I tend to spend a lot more time thinking about and ruminating than actually doing things and putting them into action.

Perhaps you recognize that, in yourself.

And so I find myself asking the inevitable question “Why is this so difficult to just DO rather than think about forever?”

Is this just a struggle with excessive "conscientiousness," as many HSPs experience?

Am I a slave to perfectionism?

My reality — as I am experiencing it — is more one of feeling like I am taking a completely new direction. And not only that, I feel hesitation and a bit of anxiety about taking this new direction and committing fully to it.

We HSPs often struggle with change, even when it is initiated by ourselves. Even one of the items on Elaine Aron's "Sensitivity Self Test" is "Changes in my life shake me up."

To be honest, I also am experiencing an element of self-doubt. Am I doing the right thing? What will people think of me for doing this? Am I just worrying too much?

I looked at those words and then I stopped and just laughed at myself. Here I am, at 59 years of age, and I'm still having these self-doubts!

Anyway, the long and the short of what I am setting out to do differently can pretty much be summarized thusly:

The 18-year history of this blog has centered in it being a blog about “HSP stuff.”

The primary change is going to be that from this point forward it will still be a blog about “HSP stuff,” but it will increasingly also be about a person simply living and navigating their life and that person just “happens to be an HSP.”

And yes, some of the time I will be engaged in that dreaded thing called “self-promotion;” touching on the many projects I am involved with and inviting visitors to go check it out. But not just for commercial reasons, also to offer an insight into what "HSP Life" can look like.

As I wrote in a post a couple of years ago, perhaps the ultimate objective of learning as much as possible about being an HSP, is that we eventually arrive at a point where our lives are no longer defined by "being an HSP;" instead we incorporate the knowledge we've gained and simply return to being "a person" for whom being an HSP is simply one attribute of many in their lives.

Let's face it, I am an HSP! No denying that!

But I am also a Danish citizen, very tall, a cat lover, an artist, a husband, a writer, an editor, a stamp collector, a beachcomber, a polymath, a photographer and a whole bunch of other things!

My point?

I think we can go overboard and get so wrapped up in a place where we define every single thing we do and experience in life “in terms of being an HSP.” That is, we view ourselves as HSPs first, and as human beings, second. Frankly, I think it should be the other way around — we're human beings first, and HSPs second.

And so, it is with that in mind, that I set forth to gently keep making changes to the HSP Notes blog and website.

And it my sincere hope that you will continue to share in this journey with me!

Thank you for reading.

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I hope you enjoyed your visit here! HSP Notes has been published continuously since 2002, and I do this entirely as a "labor of love." However, if you feel that this site is of value to you, please consider becoming a "supporter" of HSP Notes, via my Patreon Art Account. Or support my creative endeavors by purchasing one of my hand painted stones — links in the right-hand column!

I have created a special $2 support level, being mindful that most HSPs are on a budget. Your contributions allow me the TIME to continue writing, rather than being forced to abandon the blog and use my writing time to pursue an additional outside job. Your consideration is greatly appreciated, and — as the idealist that I am — I believe the best way we can create a better world for all of us is to support each other's creative endeavors!

HSPs and Attachments: Cleaning out the Old, to make room for the New

Change is difficult.

Or, if not "difficult," at least challenging.

Now I am not talking about "changing socks," here... I am talking about real, deep, meaningful and lasting change in how we live our lives.

When I think about change, a favorite quote by Helen Keller comes to mind:

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us."

I've been "cleaning out the old" today, although only in a very small and microcosmic sort of way. I've been wading through literally 100's of old partially started, half-finished and almost-finished posts I've written for this blog, in the course of the past eight years. I realized, as I was doing this, that I had (and have had) a great reluctance to outright "scrap" any of these old pieces of unfinished writing. After all... "what if" they might be important? Or good? Or worth writing later?

When I contemplated all this "unfinished work" I actually came to the realization that it felt a bit an "emotional boat anchor." As long as I kept it, I was also hanging onto an unspoken/unwritten "obligation" to look at it and finish it... later. And it had a "weight."

I paused for a while to consider this. And got to thinking about other aspects of my life, and then about other people's lives... and what we all "cling to" from our pasts. Why is it sometimes so difficult to just let go of things that no longer serve us?

HSPs are masters of examining their lives-- deep introspection is broadly regarded as a part of the trait. It's "processing more deeply." It's "being aware of nuances," primarily in our own lives. Some would argue that we process excessively, and end up with "analysis paralysis."

But I'm not going to talk about that, today.

I'm going to spend a little time on the subject of "change." And the process of effectuating real personal change, as opposed to superficial "cosmetic" changes that may make us feel good about ourselves for a while, but don't really lead to our lives feeling better, in the long run. Central to forging a path forward is finding a measure of willingness to simply let go old stuff we've carried around, frequently with the intent of "dealing with it later."

Often we have good ideas about where we want to go. And a sense of what must be changed. The genuine challenge-- which seems to hold especially true for HSPs, as a group-- is to let go of "the old." Maybe it's because HSPs become very attached to staying in their comfort zones... and even if our old ways were painful and not serving us, there was still a comfortable familiarity there. And so, rather than let go of what no longer is useful, we remain attached to it, and try to "drag it forward" into our present; into the "new life" we are trying to build.

It.
Does.
Not.
Work.

Don't get me wrong; I believe that examining the past in order to gain insights into the present is a valid endeavor. But once you've examined and processed "the past," why continue to burden yourself with it? Be aware of it? Absolutely! But continue to carry it around? Not so good...

Change is scary, too. As HSPs we generally don't like that aspect of change. And we are often a little bit OCD-ish about wanting to know what we're getting into. Stepping towards the "unknown" makes us hesitate. A secondary consideration is that we often refuse to get rid of the old, until we're certain we're going to take up the new. There may be a measure of sense to that-- at least in some situations-- but if the old warrants discarding, on its own merit, why do we persist in making the discard contingent on starting something new?

Could be a new job, or even a shift from corporate employment to self-employment. Even though we (A) hate our old job and it makes us feel stressed out and miserable and (B) we feel quite certain the new direction will make is feel much happier... we hesitate. Or more than hesitate. Instead of putting our energies and resources into our potentially brighter future, we trap ourselves in rationalizations about our not so happy past. We start telling ourselves that our stressful job isn't really that bad. That working 60 hours a week with people we really never got along with "isn't THAT bad."

Could be a relationship, or the promise of a relationship. Even as someone who has proven themselves worthy, over and over, waits for us with open arms we look backwards and reframe a wildly dysfunctional and abusive situation as "not that bad." In a fit of weakness, we may even decide to "abandon" our future and return to the "familiar devil" of our past.

Or, like my writing, it could a hobby. It could be the fourteen boxes of yarn we've been moving around for 15 years because we intended to take up weaving "at some point." And even though it has become pretty obvious that we will never take up weaving, we still cart the boxes around with us... and they represent not only physical baggage (we need to store them, and we could sure use the storage space), but also an emotional "weight" as we carry with us this "unfulfilled intention" to DO something with all this yarn... and even if that doesn't live in our active memories, we're still aware of it, and it takes up "space" in some way.

So what gives? Why do we cling so hard to "what once was" and "what has been?"

The reasons many, and I won't explore their intricacies and convolutions. The main thing I wanted to bring up is the need for awareness that we're clinging to things that no longer serve us. And to share that there is a great relief-- and subsequent healing-- in the act of simply deciding to "let go." Afterwards, there is a "lightness," and we suddenly feel more capable of stepping into the future we have dreamed about, and know that we want.

So... let go! It's gonna be OK.

So what happened to all my writing? Well, I probably scrapped about 120 unfinished posts today; maybe seventy-five thousand words vanished with a few clicks. I saved fewer than 20 that seemed interesting and were "almost finished," and mostly recent. After all, who the hell wants to read stuff written with a five-year old frame of reference? Then I thought "Oh, I should hang onto those, and release them one at a time." THEN I thought... "wait a minute, you're doing the same thing, AGAIN!" And I decided I'd release them onto the blog en-masse, with the original post dates (from when I first wrote them) intact, and then I'd have a clean space from which to continue writing.

It just seemed right.

And yes, I do feel lighter!

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Talk Back: Do you have a tendency to hold onto the past? Does it keep you from being in the present, and moving forward? When was the last time you did some major cleaning out of old beliefs, objects, people and other things that no longer serve? If you have, how did it feel? If you haven't, what are you waiting for? WHEN will you do it? What is holding you back?

HSPs and "Changing the World"

When I find myself with a group of HSPs, one of the common topics seems to be about how we can "change the world."

Perhaps it is true of everyone that they want to change the world (in SOME way), but it seems like HSPs ponder these issues more, and more often are anchored in the sense of idealism also common to "NF" Myers-Briggs types. For many, "changing the world" is more of a compulsion, than just an interest.

I've previously written about the issue of changing the world as being an issue so large it overwhelms us, and we get stuck. But there's more to changing the world than merely directing our energies at "bite sizes" we're capable of handling. I'm talking about "the how."

Not all HSPs (in fact, relatively few) are what I'd characterize as "aggressive activists." In fact, even those who very much want to change the world have certain hesitations, and even (sometimes secretly) confess to me that they are "slightly offended" by way "out there" activism like picketing, staging protests, spray painting fur coats, chaining themselves to bulldozers and so on. We'd really like the end result, but getting there through (almost) "violent" means is often unappealing. So we get a bit stuck there... perhaps saying "I don't have the aggressive nature to do that," yet concerned that "nothing will change" unless we make some kind of major statement to the world.

Another issue that comes up occasionally is that of "principles." Sometimes people get "stuck" behind their principles. Maybe they are dedicated vegans who won't even TALK to meat eaters ("on principle")-- yet, unless they talk to said meat eaters, they cannot hope to change their ways. Maybe they consider such things as Facebook and twitter "selling out" to large corporate entities... but find it hard going to work AGAINST the system for change, rather than WITH the system for change.

Personally, I've never been much of an "activist." In fact I'm one of the ones of the mindset that many ostensible activists annoy the hell out of me because they take this very strident approach... which inadvertently portrays them negatively... and so they may have a super important message, but their presentation gets them dismissed as "freaks" and "fringe dwellers." In short, their methodology overshadows their message.

I believe one of the core necessities for greater long-term change in the world is "balance." From where I am sitting-- I believe we must be "opportunistic" as well as "idealistic;" that is, we must be willing to "use the system" and "their tools" to spread the word about our message and our values. Hence, I work with "mainstream" venues like Blogger (which is part of google), Facebook and twitter to inform people about sensitivity as a biological trait.

Of course, everyone has their own approach. My experience has been (regardless of whether you're talking to other HSPs, or the world at large) that connecting across similarities and "infiltrating from within" typically results in more lasting change than causing a ruckus with a few loud noises.

For example-- on a more personal level-- I don't carry an "I'm an HSP!" banner around, trying to "beat" the trait into people's heads. Truthfully, I have connected with and "informed" more unaware HSPs by simply leaving "The Highly Sensitive Person" out in a visible place... if a dialogue ensues (Them: "What's that you're reading?" Me: "Oh, it's a very interesting book about sensitivity as an innate biological trait. Turns out that a lot of people are simply wired to be sensitive." And then we're sometimes "off to the races." And sometimes not.), then maybe there's something there to explore further. Most people (HSP, or otherwise) respond better to invitations to subtle self-discovery, than to being beaten over the head.

Of course, that's just my opinion! Your mileage may vary....

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Talk Back: Do you find yourself wanting to help change the world, but get stuck? Are you more inclined towards "aggressive activism," or "subtle influence from within?" Do you have strong principles that sometimes "get in the way" of your desire to change things? Share your experiences-- leave a comment!

Yes, it's still the same blog!

HSP Notes got a facelift today.

I've had a few comments over the years that the blog was getting a bit "cluttered" with all the information here. I tried to tweak the template to "unclutter" it's appearance, but found that too much of the old format was stored as images on someone else's server and thus not tweakable.

So, now we have a new appearance, rather simpler and hopefully easier on the eye. I've tried to keep the general colors and layout about the same as it was before.

What do you think? Leave feedback in comments!

This little bit of updating made me pause to ponder the difficulties many HSPs have with "change." We often find "change" unsettling, and we take a while to get used to new things. Sometimes this is even true of "cosmetic changes" to existing things. The house on the corner-- which has always been white-- is painted sunflower yellow, and even though it has nothing directly to do with our lives, the change jars our sensitivities.

Of course, big changes-- like a move, the death of a loved one, or the end of a relationship-- tend to be jarring to ALL people, although especially so for HSPs.

Sometimes our hesitance about changes can result in stuckness. We avoid making a change for fear of dealing with the upsetting feelings the change will cause... whether it is our own overstimulation, OR our concerns that others will become upset with us, because we're choosing to be "different" from how we used to be.

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Talk Back: How well do you handle change? Do you find yourself AVOIDING changes, to avoid getting overstimulated? EVEN if those changes are necessary and overdue? Share your experiences-- leave a comment!