HSP Living: In defense of Comfort Zones

I've probably spent entirely too much of my life being involved in the "conscious community," the self-development industry and so-called "self-improvement."

That said, it seems to be a major part of most HSPs' lives. As a highly sensitive person, I am just drawn to these fields-- I'm just fascinated by the workings of the human species-- and if you're an HSP, you probably are, too.

Depending on one's perspective, I am alternately "blessed"-- or "cursed"-- with a brain that's equally content to meander around in the "right-brained" universe of creativity, intuitive leaps of faith and the abstract as it is taking a cruise in the "left-brained" world of numbers, logic and "the facts of life."

Bottom line: I really like studying vast amounts of data and extrapolating unexpected trends and patterns.

But I am digressing.
Let's just leave it at "I look at a LOT of this stuff."

Most people who have spent any time at all looking to "improve" themselves, or "find balance," or "find inner peace," or just trying to understand themselves will have run into the popular maxim that in order to develop yourself and "go anywhere" you simply must work outside your comfort zones.

In a sense, I feel that "comfort zones" have been given a really bad rap by mainstream psychology and self-improvement experts as the domain of the apathetic and unconscious; those who don't "care enough" to truly make themselves stronger and better.

But the more I think about it... the less I like this idea that our comfort zones are automatically judged, labeled and then executed as "the bad guy" in the greater equation of our evolving lives. And for the HSP, I believe comfort zones are actually an essential part of our well-being. And, let's face it, Elaine Aron (author of "The Highly Sensitive Person") even calls her own newsletter for HSPs "The Comfort Zone."

Odds are she wouldn't do that, if she thought we should avoid comfort zones.

For many HSPs, this perhaps isn't exactly new news. But given our broad-based interest in self-improvement, we're none-the-less surrounded by the constant meta-message that in order to "better ourselves" we must live outside our comfort zones. It feels both conflicting and counter-productive to me.

Now, I'll be the first to admit that falling into a complacent and apathetic stupor is not a good thing-- for HSPs, or for anyone else, for that matter. But I also believe there is such thing as finding happiness and contentment within our comfort zones... in a healthy and balanced sort of way. I have spent many years "working on myself" and as part of that, creating a comfort zone that fits me... and I am very happy here, thank you very much!

And maybe that's the key: "Happy." My comfort zone was an "active creation," not a place where I passively ended up in order to hide, or out of fear of life and the world.

Ultimately, it's all about finding your niche of happiness and contentment; about finding balance. If you like where you are, in your comfort zone, why is it you'd need to go somewhere else, to look for something else?

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Talk Back! Do you have a distinct comfort zone? Do you feel like you "spend too much time" in your comfort zone? Who tells you that? Do people tell you you need to move "outside your comfort zone? Are you in a comfort zone because you feel "at home" there, OR because you are fearful of being outside it? Share your experience-- leave a comment!

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HSP Groups... Learning What We Must Learn... and Moving On

One of my writing colleagues-- long time fellow HSP blogger Helen Elizabeth (aka "HSP Writer")-- announced in a post a couple of days ago that the time had come for her to stop writing about the HSP experience, as seen through her eyes. 

"There comes a point in any creative endeavor, writing project, or stretch of life's journey when you run out of things to say," she wrote, as one of the primary reasons for packing it in.

Her words offered some eloquent insight into answering a question I frequently encounter in a many of the online HSP groups, forums and mailing lists. Often, someone (usually a fairly recent arrival) will ask "why so-and-so isn't posting anymore," typically referring to a long-time member who has contributed a wealth of insight and information to that community. Normally a variety of answers are offered up, ranging from "they are very busy," to "oh, they got married and moved to a different state." Often... nobody really knows, for sure.

Rarely does anyone stop to consider the possibility that the person in question has simply learned what they joined the group to learn, in the first place... and so it was simply time for them to move on. In online groups a strong sense of community often develops, as a result of which we often lose sight of the fact that many seek out such groups as part of learning about the HSP trait, and what it means in the greater context of our personal experience. Although the group may have considerable social aspects, we forget that group membership is perhaps a little like attending university: at some point we do graduate, and move on. And just like university, we reach a point with our group membership where it just doesn't make sense to linger, any longer.

And so, long-time group members either take their leave, or simply fade away... not because they "don't like the group anymore" or because "someone said something to upset them," but simply because they learned what came to to group to learn.

It's not "personal," it part of the natural cycle of our lives.

Some might point to the fact that some people remain active group members "forever" and continue to contribute to the group. In a sense, the university analogy continues to hold true: some "never leave," because they are called to teach. However, these teachers tend to be a tiny minority, rather than the norm.

Those who leave serve as an important reminder-- or "lesson"-- to us all that life is a constant process of change, and that those who leave our virtual places of learning are as much to be congratulated on their "graduation" as they are to "missed and cried over" for their departure. After all, they found success, in getting what they came for!

Whereas I shall miss "HSP Writer's" words in the blogosphere, it also makes me really happy to know that she found what she was looking for...

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Talk Back! Do you recognize when you are "done" with something-- project, group, relationship-- and must move on? Or do you tend to linger too long? Do you find leavetaking difficult-- even if there is a natural "breakpoint?" Share your experience-- leave a comment!

Sharing is Love! Use the buttons below to share this article with others, and be part of spreading general awareness of the HSP trait. Thank you!
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