HSPs, Stress, Simplicity and Turning Down the "Volume" of Life

I watch people, and their struggles with life-- and it makes me wonder about how we approach our choices, and our pursuit of meaning and happiness. Although I write these words from the perspective of being a highly sensitive person, I feel like they can be applied to pretty much everyone in this world-- not just HSPs.

So many struggle so much to deal with the overwhelming volume of "stuff" that seems to flow through modern existence... we even have programs like "Hoarders" on TV, showing us people for whom the "stuff" has gotten completely out of control. But somehow... we look at them and rationalize "Ah, but that's just an isolated few." And perhaps that's true-- in its most severe manifestation, and in a specific aspect of living.

But really....? REALLY?

Mt. Shasta, June 2012

We discuss "hoarding" and think about it in terms of having a lot of "items," but it strikes me this is just the tip of a much larger iceberg, and far more people struggle with this issue than we imagine... as "Hoarders of the MIND."

HSPs perhaps struggle more with this dimension of "excess" than the rest of the population, because we spend a lot of time "inside our heads."

For the highly sensitive, actual "stuff" (in the physical sense) may not be the greatest issue at hand, instead it is the mountain of "ideas," "experiences," "activities," "anxieties" and "beliefs" that weigh us down. We and those around us don't really notice this issue, because-- like emotional abuse-- there are no outward "physical signs" of emotional/spiritual hoarding... aside, perhaps from the way we find it difficult to "deal with life" because we're chronically overstimulated.

Think about it, for a moment...

Think about those you know-- and that includes yourself-- who are "stuck" in a state of paralysis or frenzy, because there is "too much content" in their lives. Think about the way people obsess endlessly over their (in)ability to reach some state of Being they feel like they "should" have. Think about the endless lists of "what needs to be done today/this week/this year/this lifetime," and how there's almost never any "space" left over to just sit and contemplate. Think about how many people have to "schedule" relaxation... because "something else" would not get done, if quiet time was something you merely took because you wanted to or felt like. Think about how many people feel bad about themselves... and even suffer from chronic low self-esteem because they look at those to-do lists and conclude that "I'm a useless person and I hate myself for not being able to get everything on my to-do list done."

Then think about how and why it got to be that way...

Not just in your life, or a friend's life... but in global life.

We spend a lot of time looking only at the symptoms of the things that ail us. We point at "poor organization" or "bad time management" or "lacking motivation" as the core reasons for not being able to get all of it done. There's a multi-billion dollar industry centered around organizational and motivational self-help.

And yet?

Nothing ever seems to change. In recent years, I have spent more time examining our underlying motivations, rather than the "symptoms."

Olympic Peninsula, Washington, October 2012

In the end, everything seems to be fear based. Almost all hoarding exists due to a fear of "not having," in some capacity. Sure, there are "rational and reasonable" triggers... often based in some past trauma. But even seemingly "healthy" people do it... and I strongly believe that emotional hoarding is still an illness-- albeit a "cultural illness." It's a way to-- individually and collectively-- put a "barrier" between us and merely "being" in the world, as we are.

Maybe society teaches us fear. I don't know. Actually, I am pretty sure it does... or it's at least part of the picture is societally generated. We are surrounded by messages that we are somehow "failing at life" unless we constantly FILL it with something. Even as I sit here typing, I watch the cursor on my screen "freeze" every thirty seconds, as my computer (via Facebook, this article started as a shorter Facebook post) updates an endless parade of things I should "want," "need," "have" and "do." The implication is that if we HAVE or DO less, we somehow ARE "less."

Whether my assessment is ultimately true or not, society DOES teach us to regard "input overload" as normal, and then goes on to define the choice to have/do "less" as either "underachieving" or "laziness."

As HSPs, our sensitivities can become augmented to the point of hypervigilance because we're tuned in to the feedback from the world around us. We process the signals from our surroundings... and impose on ourselves that we "should" be able to finish our to-do list. We tell ourselves that "that's what EVERYone does!" Then we run like crazy, operating under 24/7 stress and tell ourselves that we can get it all done. And when we're not physically running, our minds are running-- processing endless thoughts about how we might make ourselves come across as "more normal," while telling ourselves we can do that, too...

Agreed! Absolutely! We "can" get it done...

You can also become a professional basketball player, even if you're short-- as Spud Webb did, at 5'7" (170cm) tall.

But why choose the most difficult path you can find, with the most obstacles in the way? Why choose a path that really doesn't feel "natural" to you? And why choose the path "defined" by society, rather than by yourself? Here comes that rationalization again: "Because that's what people DO!" And below it lies a deeper rationalization-- one we're perhaps not as proud of or willing to admit to, because it shows our less-than-pretty insecurities: "I want people to be impressed with me and by extension like me!"

So? Who cares? Your life is your life. Comparisons are deadly. And for HSPs-- who tend to be very "inner oriented" and "self-referencing"-- basing life on "outer oriented" cues can be particularly toxic; leading to physical illness, low self-esteem, depression and a host of other issues. And here's a fact check for you: Other people are only going to be "impressed with you" to the extent you're impressed with yourself.

Lake Siskiyou, California, June 2012

So how do we deal with all this?

One of those clever "pop culture" self-improvement principles asks the metaphorical question "do you see your glass as half FULL, or half EMPTY?" Then it goes on to teach us that we can live better lives if we learn to take a positive attitude and see our Glass of Life as "half full."

Whereas I agree with the underlying principle of this maxim, let's step back and look at the bigger picture.

Let's look at the glass, for a moment.

If your Glass of Life is so BIG you have no hope in hell of ever keeping it even half full-- let alone ever getting it completely full... of course you're going to eternally struggle with life, and not feel good about yourself. And it's not your approach to life (optimism/pessimism or happiness/depression) that's the issue, it's your F&%#(*!! GLASS!!!

Bottom line, get a smaller glass!

If your "glass" is of such a size you can relatively easily keep it half full and-- God forbid-- maybe even fill completely from time to time, of course you're going to have an easier time feeling good about life!

His Holiness The Dalai Lama once said "The purpose of life is to be happy!"

I can already hear a chorus of protest rising, all its voices singing out the words "But I/you can't just not ____ (fill in the blank)"

Why not?

What are you afraid will happen, if you "take away from" the quantity in your equation of life, rather than "add to it?" What are you afraid you will "not have?"

Look, if you are genuinely content and living a happy and fulfilled life in pursuit of keeping your giant glass "half filled," then these words are really not directed at you. But the point is, most people have a "giant glass" but they are not happy with the state of their glass (aka "life")... and they are eternally in a state of struggle and emotional turmoil. Many will say (truthfully!) that they are "working on" making things better; making their life more manageable. But the problem is that they are working on the "symptoms," not the "problem," itself.

Assessing your life-- honestly-- and embracing greater simplicity and "less" in both the physical and spiritual/emotional realms can be both scary and challenging. Bottom line, many "factions" of our (especially western) consumer society depends-- for its own survival-- on keeping us all fearful and overworked. It accomplishes this by portraying life as a "contest," where the objective (or "winnings") center around the word "more." It teaches us that merely wanting "enough" is not acceptable... unless, of course, we define "enough" as "having it all."

I say-- sometimes the ONLY reasonable path to happiness and inner peace is to embrace the word ENOUGH!

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Talk back! Do you feel overwhelmed by the "content" of your life? How do you define how you want your life to be? Is it done through an INNER process, or an OUTER process? If you are letting others/society define your life for you, why? What do you think would happen if you chose LESS content in your life? Leave a comment-- share your perspective and experience!

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HSP Notes Gets a New Name (sort of!)-- and a Facelift

If you're a regular visitor to HSP Notes, you may have noticed that things look a little different...

For starters, there has been a name change... of sorts. After more than ten years as "hspnotes.blogspot.com," the HSP Notes web address is now simply "hspnotes.com."

What does this mean to you? Actually, not a whole lot-- either address will still find the site, but it might be a good idea to update your bookmarks with the new address. And if you add links to here from your own blog or web site, it's better to use the new address.

In addition, the site's layout and design has been changed to reflect the more modern standard of "widget driven" web sites. The old design-- which I had been using since 2009-- was getting a bit dated and no longer supported the latest "building blocks" that lie beneath the surface of any web site. Besides, I'd had a few comments that the (old) site seemed "too wide" on a large monitor-- making the very looong lines of text difficult to read-- and the new design addresses that issue, as well.

Other than that, HSP Notes is still... "HSP Notes." All the old content and archives (going back to 2002) are still here, as are all the resource links-- and they are pretty much in the same places as they used to be.

What is new is that I will be adding a number of free-standing pages to the site, now that it is no longer "just a blog." Since HSP Notes is basically a labor of love, I will be doing this in my copious (not!) spare time... so don't hold your breath!

Meanwhile, the holiday season is upon us! For some HSPs, this is a time of joy and celebration and family gatherings... but for many, it is a time of some stress and overwhelm, making them just want to run home and hide from all the noise and lights. I recently wrote an article about "Coping with the Holidays," and it includes a number of tips on how to manage overstimulation during a time of the year when there is a LOT going on:

HSP Living: Tips for Dealing with the Noise and Stress of the Holiday Season

For a number of years, I have been encouraged to write about HSPs and work. I have generally not said much about that topic (A) because of Barrie Jaeger's excellent book about HSP work and (B) because it's a huge area that can't be dealt with in just "a few blog posts." However, a fellow HSP-- writing on an HSP message board on Facebook-- pointed out that it has been over seven years since Barrie Jaeger's book was published and "a lot has changed." That offered enough motivation to get me started on a series of articles about HSPs and the work experience-- part one was completed a few weeks ago:

HSP Topics: Work and the Highly Sensitive Person, Part I

Several more installments are in the work, including how to discover your calling and turn it into paying work; HSPs and self-employment; HSPs and managing difficult people at work; How changing your work can change your life-- and vice-versa; Finding balance between idealism and the need to make money... and more.

If you have an "HSPs and work" related topic of interest, by all means leave a comment-- I might incorporate it into an upcoming article.

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HSPs and the Healing and Meditative Powers of the Labyrinth

A few weeks back, Sarah and I went to the annual Labyrinth Society Gathering in Hudson, Wisconsin. As I alluded to in an earlier post, the other attendees at these events always feel a lot like "my tribe"-- in a way that's very similar to how I feel like I am with "my tribe," when I go to an HSP Gathering. It makes me think that perhaps what we all seek is the chance to hang out with some people that allow us-- even if only temporarily-- to feel like we're not complete strangers on this planet.

Now that I have had some time to pause and reflect I wanted to take a little time to talk about Labyrinths, their healing and meditative powers and how useful and appropriate they can be as a tool for the Highly Sensitive Person.

A little background history:

The Labyrinth at Chartres Cathedral in France-- possibly 900 years old
Photo by Lars Howlett, biomorphic.org, used with permission

Labyrinths are ancient-- simple labyrinth designs can be traced back more than 4000 years. There may be some misconceptions that they are "occult symbols" or "pagan" or "religious," but nothing could be further from the truth: Labyrinths can be found pretty much anywhere. Perhaps the most famous labyrinth is at Chartres Cathedral in France; 100s more can be found on the grounds of a variety of churches around the world. Conversely, there are also labyrinths to be found "deep in the woods" where they may have been used in tribal ceremonies past and present. You can find labyrinths on hospital grounds, in public parks... and in people's back yards. And they are definitely not a "New Age" invention.

I have had labyrinths in my life for a long time. When I lived in Texas, we had a guest house with a flat concrete roof, and created a simple labyrinth there-- outlined in native limestone rocks. That was over 15 years ago. We're currently building a labyrinth in our back yard.

So what's the big deal? What's the attraction? What's the "magic?" And what is it that makes labyrinths such a "perfect fit" for HSPs?

Of course, I can only speak from personal experience, here... your own experience may differ.

Labyrinths and HSPs:

Labyrinths are far more than just "a pretty garden pattern," and should not be confused with "mazes," which are-- possibly-- better known, as designs or puzzles we've seen, at one time or another. The primary difference between a labyrinth and a maze is that a labyrinth has only one path to the center-- a maze is a "puzzle" with blind alleys and multiple "solutions."

Building the labyrinth in our back yard

This becomes very important when we consider the labyrinth as a meditative, prayer or self-discovery tool, especially for a highly sensitive person. With a labyrinth there is no "failing" -- the path is fixed, and you will always "succeed" in reaching the center-- with a maze, you can "fail" and get stuck down a blind alley. The labyrinth design allows you to do a walking meditation without having to "think" about where you are going... you simply follow the path and it will take you where you need to go.

And that's one of the great healing aspects of walking a Labyrinth: it is a meditation. If meditation isn't your thing, it can be a walking prayer. Either way, for HSPs it's a particularly suitable one-- most labyrinths are set in peaceful outdoor locations, or in indoor meditative spaces like churches or temples. Or, of course, you can create one in your own back yard.

The Labyrinth can be-- and often is-- a powerful teacher. I have heard it said that everything that happens in the labyrinth is a metaphor... and I believe this is a very appropriate and true statement.

Another way in which Labyrinths are "HSP friendly" is that walking them is generally a solitary pursuit. Yes, you can absolutely walk a labyrinth with other people... and there's a whole set of lessons associated with that... but most of the time you are walking alone; just you and your thoughts.

You move through a labyrinth at your own pace-- there's essentially no "right" or "wrong" way to go; slow, fast, skipping, dancing.

What Labyrinths Teach Us:

In the broadest sense, the circuits of a labyrinth are a metaphor for the journey of life. The path sometimes take us very close to our goals (the center of the labyrinth), only to lead us back out and back in, several times. Some look at the path through the labyrinth as similar to the path to enlightenment or self-realization-- we think we're getting close, but we're not; we get closer, we move away... and then suddenly we are there. If we walk a labyrinth with a friend-- starting at different times-- we will sometimes come very close to each other, sometimes be far apart, illustrating how we're all "on our path" but not necessarily in the same place.

Labyrinth at the Hudson Hospital, Hudson, WI

The Labyrinth teaches patience; it may seem like we don't have much land to cover to get to the center, yet the walk turns out to be quite long and has many twists and turns. The labyrinth teaches us that fulfillment comes with staying on the path-- sure, we can "cheat" (walk directly to the center without following the path), but getting there by such means feels hollow and meaningless. And once we reach the center, we can stay there for a while and rest-- but we cannot stay in the center of the labyrinth forever; just like life cannot be perfect all the time. We must continue walking new paths; towards new challenges.

On a more subtle level, the labyrinth teaches us how to "move towards" something, with purpose. Many people's life strategy is based on "moving AWAY from" things they don't want, rather than towards things they do want. In the labyrinth, movement is towards the center, and the fixed path allows no deviation.

Labyrinths also teach us to be mindful and to listen. Like many spiritual and healing tools, me must be "present" and open to whatever messages are coming our way... or ti simply will not "work." Or, at least, we will not derive significant benefit from the experience.

The Healing Power of the Labyrinth:

Some people say that walking the labyrinth is as direct an experience of God (or a higher power, or "the Source") as you can get. At the same time, walking the labyrinth-- to meditate on a problem, issue or desire, for example-- is an intensely personal experience. There is no "prescribed way," and no book of laws or Scripture to guide you. In many ways, the labyrinth is a place where you get to "be alone with yourself."

Raked leaf labyrinth at the 2012 TLS Gathering

UNlike many different New Age healing and enlightenment paths-- which tend to focus heavily on spirit and being in your head/mind-- the labyrinth (because of the physical movement) has a way of pulling people out of their heads and into their bodies. Even when we meditate, we have a tendency to "wander" to the past or to the future-- while walking a labyrinth, most people find is much easier to "be present" with the wind, the sound of your feet, in the moment.

What the labyrinth offers is a peaceful and effective way to "problem solve." When I walk a labyrinth, I almost always get answers-- not always the ones I was looking for, mind you, but the ones I needed. You may start walking with one particular "issue" in mind-- and come out with a solution to a completely different problem, and might wonder "why?" Often you'll discover that using the "off topic" answer you were giving "opens space" to address the issue you were originally concerned about.

And often the labyrinth will give you answers in ten minutes that you could not have gotten from three months of psychotherapy. All that's needed is an open mind and an open heart... and a willingness to truly listen.

Maybe this all sounds rather "structured," but I want to reiterate that there's really no right or wrong way to walk a labyrinth. Perhaps nothing at all will happen-- or perhaps whatever is going to happen will happen later. Perhaps all you'll "get" is 15 minutes of calm that will leave you better equipped to deal with the day ahead.

More About Labyrinths:

There is lots and lots of information about labyrinths online.

The Labyrinth Society (TLS) web site is a good place to start. TLS is a large international organization promoting education and friendship between labyrinth enthusaists worldwide. You might also check out the Veriditas web site. Veriditas is another worldwide organization for those interested in labyrinths. In addition, there are a number of regional and country-wide labyrinth societies around the world.

If you want to find a labyrinth near you, visit the Worldwide Labyrinth Locator-- a joint project of The Labyrinth Society and Veriditas-- which currently contains information about more than 4000 labyrinths in over 70 countries.

Biomorphic.org is Lars Howlett's very interesting and informative site (Facebook page) about many aspects of labyrinths, as well as an ongoing "news stream" about events relating to labyrinths.

Thanks for reading!

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This post is a little bit of a departure from the writing I usually do here-- however, this last trip to the Labyrinth Society Gathering (I've been before) really reminded me that Labyrinths are a perfect "match" for HSPs.

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HSPs, Finding our Tribe and "Belonging"

In less than three weeks, HSPs from around the US and beyond will congregate in Montreat, North Carolina for the 25th HSP Gathering Retreat.

Reading a recent news announcement about the event reminded me of the importance of feeling a sense of "belonging;" of knowing that you are "part of" something. Of course, wanting to belong is not "an HSP thing," it's "a human thing." However, HSPs often find it more difficult to fit into groups than the rest of the world.

When I went to my first HSP Gathering (10 years ago), I remember coming away with a strong feeling of joy at having truly "found my tribe." Although HSPs are as individually different as any other group of people, we tend to share significant common ground that extends beyond just sensitivity. And so groups of HSPs tend to feel a bit like our long lost families.

The Labyrinth outside the Hudson Hospital in Wisconsin

Of course, not everyone feels comfortable with the idea of being part of a group of "sensitive people." Some of this-- sadly-- has to do with the negative bias society tends to place on the word "sensitive." Some just don't like the idea that "people at work" might find out that they belong to a group for sensitive people.

Some HSPs simply don't want to be part of a group activity... period. But they still like to be "affiliated with" a group, from afar. And that's OK, too-- we each have our own level of "belonging" we feel comfortable with.

I have often been asked what other "tribes" might be a good fit for HSPs. Ostensibly, these would be groups where an HSP would fit in well, and the central activity or interest is "HSP friendly." And most likely the other group members would be open and accepting of (or at least neutral towards) someone highly sensitive-- we all know how bad it feels when we share our trait-- or certain aspects of it-- and the words are received with eye rolling.

This week, I find myself in Hudson, Wisconsin... to spend time with another "tribe" with whom I have found common ground: Members of The Labyrinth Society, who are here for their 14th Annual Gathering.

Again, this is a group of people from all walks of life... with one thing in common: a fondness for labyrinths and walking labyrinths. No, this is not something "weird" or "occult--" labyrinths are an ancient spiritual symbol and tool that can be traced back 4000 years... and is used by Christian churches, hospitals, Pagans and free spirits alike.

The photo above is of the labyrinth on the grounds of the Hudson Hospital, a marvelous small medical center that truly feels like a "place of healing," rather than a cold faceless "institution." The labyrinth is used in healing not only for patients, but also to soothe visiting family members and visitors in general.

I have had an interest in labyrinths for many years (we built one in the back yard; had one when I lived in Texas, too-- in a "past life"), and they are a perfect tool for HSPs. I'll share more about that once I am back home, because I think the labyrinth can be of great value to us.

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For now, I will just ask: What is your tribe? Have you found your tribe? Are you looking for a tribe; a group of people with whom you feel a sense of belonging? Please leave a comment!

HSP Notes 10th Anniversary

The very first HSP Notes blog entry appeared on September 26th, 2002.

10 years is an aeon, on the Internet, a venue where most web sites and blogs come and go in a matter of a few years-- or months, even.

When I set out to write on these pages, I had little idea what I was doing, nor where I was going. What I did know was that there was relatively little information available about being a highly sensitive person and I felt compelled to be part of a small-- but growing-- movement to generate greater public awareness of the trait.

"Karlsstenen," a stone age burial site in Denmark

HSP Notes actually started as a sideline to the Inner Reflections web site, which I started as a very simple "online profile page" in 1995, but it went on to become my first "HSP related project" in early 2002. At the time, I'd been aware of "high sensitivity" as a trait for about five years. Back then, I remember frequently feeling surprised by the statistic that "15-20% of the population are HSPs," given that I almost never came across anyone who was an HSP.

At that point, I hadn't really considered the huge gap between being an HSP, and being aware that you're an HSP.

Aside from a couple of Elaine Aron's books, I got most of my information from a couple of HSP groups I belonged to on the web-- one of which went on to become the world's largest HSP "community," before its untimely demise. The other-- the HSP Book group on Yahoo-- is still going strong.

Much has changed, since 2002.

Although many HSPs continue to feel a little out of step with mainstream life, a far greater number of people in the general population are now aware of the concept of being a "Highly Sensitive Person." The trait-- itself-- has grown up, too, gaining a more scientific name in the process: "Sensory Processing Sensitivity." Dozens-- if not hundreds-- of articles about high sensitivity have appeared in the mainstream press.

What have I personally learned, in ten years?

Perhaps the most significant lesson-- and one I keep sharing with all who give me a couple of minutes to listen-- is that HSPs are just as individually different as people, in general. We simply share one trait... albeit a trait that often leads us down similar paths. But beliefs (which I often run into, to this day) such as "you MUST be an introverted vegan artist, vote Democrat, only wear fair trade cotton clothing, reject materialistic goods, drink organic green tea and love cats in order to be an HSP" are simply not true. HSPs come in every size, shape, color, persuasion and interest group.

It's a topic I touch on in my most recent article about HSPs, introversion and extraversion.

I have also learned that a lot of people know they are HSPs, and may even have read one of Elaine Aron's books, yet still either outright reject the idea or at least never tell anyone about it... typically to their own long term detriment. Surprisingly many people still consider being Highly Sensitive a "condition;" something they can-- somehow-- "get over," or be "cured" from. It is my hope to be able to continue to do my part to educate the world about the trait, to where we may eventually reach a point where fellow HSPs don't feel the need to "hide."

And I've learned something about myself... that in spite of my general tendency towards scatteredness, I've been able to "stick to" something for ten years.

Which makes me feel very hopeful that I'll keep HSP Notes going for another ten!

HSPs and Acceptance: How Being very Tall, Collecting Stamps and Playing Golf Helped me Embrace Being an HSP

It's no secret that many HSPs struggle and wrestle with the idea that they are a Highly Sensitive Person. After all, there are all manners of cultural prejudices and misconceptions surrounding the word "sensitive," and it seems like few of them are positive.

From time to time, I have been asked how I can "be so open" about being an HSP, and "how" I managed to so readily accept the trait. After all, "aren't I afraid of being seen as weak (or "weird")," and aren't I afraid I "will be discriminated against?" And other biggie: "men aren't supposed to be sensitive, right?"

A few days ago-- during my daily morning writing-- it suddenly struck me that part of the answer to the "acceptance" question was/is that I "already had experience," in unrelated ways. Truth be known, I think most of us do, but we ignore it or are blind to it.

"What does that mean?" you might be asking. Let's explore...

Me, at 15, carrying... a bag of golf clubs

What does it really mean, to be an HSP? What are some of the deeper implications? When you "embrace" that you are highly sensitive, what what are you really accepting about yourself?

For most, it means some version of "I don't really fit in" and/or "I'm a little different from the rest of the world." As human beings, we are-- basically-- tribal creatures. Even if we are very introverted and don't necessarily want to interact with the "tribe," we are still comforted by the idea that at least we belong to one. And when we accept being an HSP, we are-- in a way-- "agreeing" to making our tribe 85% smaller. And it's totally understandable that not everyone is ready to jump at the chance to do that.

So how exactly was I "prepared" to embrace being an HSP?

Well, let's start with being really tall. I was 6'2" (188cm) already when I was 15. I stood head and shoulders above 99% of my peers. The rather fuzzy photo at right shows me in all my lanky 15-year old geekiness. So what's the point, here?

Being much taller than everyone else gets you used to a couple of things. One, people look at you-- even if not "oddly," they look at you. And so, I got used to the idea that people would "look," and that it was because I was not like most other people.

Second, my actual physical experience of life was-- and remains-- a little different from everyone else's. There are a number of things I simply "can't do," because of my height (I grew up to stand a bit over 6'4"/194cm). For example, finding clothes is more difficult than it is for "normal" people. A normal t-shirt almost becomes a "crop top" for me, after a couple of cycles through the wash. And when it is time for me to buy a car, I can't just choose a highly rated car I like... I have to choose from among the limited half-dozen models that actually have enough legroom and headroom for me.

Embracing that you're an HSP is rather parallel to being tall. You can't "help" it, it's simply the way you are. And just like I am not running around looking for a way to "fix" being tall, I'm not running around trying to "fix" being an HSP. It is not fixable! Nor am I running around moaning and groaning about being "too tall," any more than I am inclined to run around moaning and groaning about being "too sensitive."

The only significant difference I can discern between the two is that tallness is visible, sensitivity is not. But I was still made fun of for being "the giraffe," just like I was made fun of for being "a pansy." Kids can be cruel...

My parents-- inadvertently-- "helped" me come to terms with being highly sensitive. How? They pushed me towards a couple of hobbies/pastimes that served to rather "set me apart" from my peers. As a boy and young man, I was guided and encouraged to get into-- and occupy myself with-- stamp collecting and playing golf. Not exactly what you find most 15-year olds interested in-- even in 1975.

Ironically, both stamp collecting and golf are perfect "HSP pastimes," although nobody was aware of that, at the time. My parents were mostly interested in getting me to do something that would keep me quiet and took hours at a time.

Collecting stamps is a quiet, solitary pursuit that almost becomes a Zen-like meditation when you spend some time with it... and it offers a fascinating glimpse into world cultures and history-- not to mention that each stamp is actually a miniature work of art. And golf-- as sports go-- is a solitary (as opposed to "team") endeavor, played in silence, that involves being in (even if a golf course is a bit contrived) nature... a place where most HSPs feel at peace.

That said, not only does being a 16-year old golfing stamp collector pretty much put the final nail in the coffin of hoping to attain even the tiniest bit of coolness, it pretty much dooms you when it comes to getting a date. In addition, these two pastimes often cause people to pause and look at you "strangely," in ways they wouldn't look at someone who "plays football and goes hunting." Only now that I am in my 50s are the strange looks gradually giving way to "Oh, that's pretty cool!"

Anyway, by the time 1997 rolled around and I learned and realized that I was-- indeed-- an HSP, I already had 20+ years of experience in dealing with being thought "weird and different."

Now, lest you should get any ideas, I am not writing this to share some personal "boo-hoo-hoo, woe is me" story, nor to try to persuade anyone that I am somehow "special." I am actually writing this to illustrate-- especially for those who are having a difficult time embracing being an HSP and feel "unprepared" to do so-- that some of the most ordinary things in life actually do prepare us to accept our sensitivity.

So, if you're struggling a bit, I encourage you to examine ways in which life have challenged you... and see whether there are lessons there that might help you become more at ease with being an HSP.

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Talk Back! Leave a comment: Was it difficult for you to accept being an HSP? Is it still a struggle? In what ways? If you think a bit, what are some other (unrelated) differences you have had to deal with, in life? Can you see parallels with High Sensitivity?

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Personally Speaking: HSPs, Being Seen and the Big Time

Although HSPs are often known for being "quietly in the background," we do sometimes hit "The Big Time." And sometimes... you MUST do something, in order to make a DIFFERENCE in the world. In this post-- which is a little different from the usual "HSP Notes" fare-- I am going to call on you to DO something, and to help become a part of changing our world!

15 years ago, the concept of being "an HSP" was new. For years, few people knew what "an HSP" was, and few took the idea seriously. But slowly... a broader societal awareness of highly sensitive people has spread. This has not come easily. Why? As a group, we HSPs aren't big on "being seen," for any number of reasons... from bad experiences in the past, to simply not liking it when someone "looks at us."

Of course, this can set up a bit of a paradox... because how can we hope to have the trait of being Highly Sensitive become a household concept when we're not willing to (or afraid to) stand up and toot our own horns and talk about our "cause?"

In writing the orginial "Highly Sensitive Person" book (and subsequently several other books) Dr. Elaine Aron became the first HSP to "stand up and be seen" on a large scale.

Over the past couple of decades, I have met many HSPs who express how grateful they are to Elaine Aron for her books and her work... and immediately follow it up with words like "... but I could NEVER do something like that!"

The good news for the rest of us is that there are HSPs who go out and face The Big Time.

Most recently, Susan Cain-- an introverted HSP-- authored the book "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking." Although the book is not directly about HSPs, Susan is very much an HSP herself... and with a book that has been among the top 100 most sold books in the US for several months now, she is standing up and "being seen;" doing book tours, TED talks, TV appearances, interviews and more. We are all being helped because she is "showing up for life" as an empowered HSP with a global mission...

Fast forward to right now.

This is where I am going to get much "closer to home," and where I'm going to ask YOU-- as a reader of these pages-- to "show up for life" and DO something! But don't worry... you won't have to appear on TV. In fact, you won't even have to leave your chair.

As some of you know, I am not just an HSP myself, I am married to a fellow HSP... who also happens to be a Spiritual Intuitive, Empath and Life Coach for HSPs. She's also co-founder of non-profit healing organization (founded in 2001) called the White Light Express-- I have briefly written about it here, before. Whereas the White Light Express is not specifically about HSPs, its healing work focus and mission is of a nature that appeals to many HSPs, so it draws very heavily from the global HSP Community.

Tomorrow (Wednesday, August 8th) night, the "Big Time" begins, for our little organization... when Sarah (my wife) be on live national radio, on "Coast to Coast with George Noory" (Yes, it's the same show that used to be "Coast to Coast with Art Bell" before Art Bell retired). At 10pm Pacific/1am Eastern (US), my lovely HSP wife moves from the relatively low profile of small podcasts, a web site and occasional notices in the local paper, to spend an hour talking to George Noory about healing and her White Light Express organization, while reaching out to a live radio audience of five million people across the USA and beyond.

Whereas the radio segment is not specifically "about" HSPs, it becomes another example of an HSP "showing up for life" on a big scale that can potentially touch and change the lives of thousands and thousands of people. And because one person stand up and is "seen," we all benefit.

So, what am I going to ask you to DO?

Well, if you can, tune in to the show! If you want to listen to the show as streaming audio from the Coast to Coast, you'll have to become a Coast to Coast member. Otherwise (if you live in the US), you can visit this page on the Coast to Coast site and find a radio station that airs the show near you.

But more importantly... we'd both like to invite you to become involved with the White Light Express, and the healing journeys it promotes. Don't just "watch," be PART of something! And no worries, it doesn't cost anything.

So-- for starters-- go visit the web site and see what the White Light Express is about, and stands for.

Subscribe to White Light Express updates. Believe me, it IS a secure list... I should know; I am co-keeper of the list, and your contact info is not going ANYwhere. Period. Don't mind the somewhat "neutral" looking signup form... we JUST got it installed and haven't had time to customize it yet.

But MOST of all-- join our healing community! Signup is quick, secure and easy. How do I know it's safe and secure? Because it's on the same network system where I have hosted my own Pacific Northwest HSP Network for over four years... several hundred HSPs already trust it; this is just a different group. How do I know it's appropriate for HSPs? Because the founder is one, and many of our participant-members are, as well.

So... just DO it!

HSPs & Healing: 2012 White Light Express Conference

Taking a slight departure from my usual style of content today to talk a bit about something that's actually an interesting opportunity for HSPs.

Inspired in part my friend and fellow HSP blogger H.Elizabeth's recent post about choices, values and being true to ourselves, I came to realize that I don't often post about "personal projects" and things going on in my life on these pages... even though they are, in their own way, a representation of "an HSP's life," which is what "HSP Notes" is all about.

Those of you who visit from Facebook may have noticed that I have had an "unusual" cover photo on my page there, so here's a bit of an explanation of that: My wife-- who's also an HSP-- co-founded an organization called The White Light Express back in the spring of 2000. Here's an excerpt of its mission statement:

The Ultimate Goal of the White Light Express is to create a directory and healing center created by Spirit and directed by Spirit for those who are seeking clear and honest answers to their soul path, life purpose and issues with healing the Mind. The Body. The Spirit. Those who are brought to the White Light Express for healing will be gently advised and guided by a professional, spiritual team of deeply connected friends for your maximum health and benefit.

This year, The White Light Express is hosting it's first Annual Conference. These conferences are intended to offer a space where healers and teachers, and those seeking healing and learning can come together for workshops, fellowship and more, in a peaceful, sensitive, healing and non-judgmental setting.

This inaugural two-day event will take place in Port Townsend, Washington, on August 17-18, 2012. The Pacific Northwest is beautiful this time of the year, and the two presenters are exceptional teachers and healers whose workshops are very well suited for HSPs. Both as an HSP, and as co-organizer of the event, I encourage you to consider a visit here for this event. To learn more, please visit the web site:

2012 White Light Express Conference

I'd also like to invite you visit and "like" the White Light Express Facebook page to learn more and to get updates about future White Light Express events.

We are starting on a modest scale, but hope to turn these annual conferences into major events with teachers and healers from many fields. Our home-- Port Townsend-- is in a smaller town that happens to be blessed with a world class retreat center.

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