Learning About the HSP Trait: What's the Ultimate Objective?

I went to the doctor yesterday.

Although we don't really talk much about it, my doctor knows that I am an HSP, and she respects what that entails. In the course of our conversations, we have gently agreed that "Being an HSP" is akin to what was once upon a time thought of as "being highly strung."

We don't talk much about it, though. It has become "old news."

Instead, we talk about my health. I suffer from hypertension (aka "high blood pressure"), and from years of observation, we know that my primary trigger for "hypertensive events" revolve around stress and anxiety.

Actually, I should phrase that very carefully.

You see, I don't suffer from any kind of "anxiety disorder," I simply suffer from overstimulation, HSP style. I am perfectly capable of going into the world and dealing with "whatever hardships come up," and there are few things I can't handle. My body, however, disagrees.

One of the interesting things we've learned about me is that — absent stress and the need to interface with the world — my blood pressure is actually within the "normal" range.

Yesterday, we had this conversation again, as my vitals were once again elevated. My body simply doesn't like the process of "adulting."

Alas, few of us have the luxury of simply sitting in a lawn chair, watching clouds drift by... while "the stuff of life" takes care of itself.

The Progression of HSP Self-Awareness

After the doctor's visit, I got to thinking about this whole thing called "being an HSP."

It has been 21 years and change since I first bumped into the idea. It seems to me that we go through "stages" of being a Highly Sensitive Person.

At first, it tends to be all shiny, exciting and new; we absorb everything we can read and hear; suddenly it seems like we have a natural and well-fitting explanation for why we are the way we are. Which is a marvelous thing!

Then we go through a period of learning and integrating. This often involves joining groups, going to workshops and doing something akin to "becoming an expert" on the topic, as it relates to ourselves.

Oftentimes, we slip into a state of cognitive bias — just about everything that happens is "because I am an HSP." Of course, that's probably rather inconsistent with reality, but we're looking for ways to "make the shoe fit."

After a while, we move onto "integration." We start to become more honest about the ways the trait affects our lives... and the ways it doesn't. At least... that's what happens for those who are honest with themselves; some, it seems, stay in that place where "EVERYthing happens this way because I am an HSP."

But THEN What?

Perhaps the ultimate objective of learning all we can about being an HSP is that we get to return to "just being a person."

As I look back on my doctors' visit, I came to realize that it has been several years since I have thought of myself through the lens of perception that "I am an HSP." The trait doesn't define me, it simply adds a layer of understanding to the overall picture of what it means to be me.

I understand certain things about myself, and understand which of those things happen to be a consequence of my high sensitivity, and I try to arrange my life accordingly.

In formalizing this realization last night, I also came to understand why we see "familiar faces" in online HSP groups, as well as keepers of HSP blogs and web sites suddenly "fall off the radar." They've simply gotten all they needed from their activities, and then moved on.

Think of it a but like attending University: You learn a lot, and then you get a degree and graduate. Maybe you stay on and keep learning, getting a graduate degree. But eventually you're done. And that's actually the natural order of things —if you're NOT seeing that, you run the risk of becoming "that eternal student," working on their 6th degree because they never found the courage to actually go out and be part of life, using the learning they'd experienced.

And so — aside from the fact that I occasionally teach and give workshops — I am done with "being an HSP." I have returned to simply being ME.

How about YOU? Where are YOU, on your HSP Journey of Learning? How long ago was it that you learned that there is such a thing as a "Highly Sensitive Person?" How did it change your life? Do you feel you know what you need to know, or are you still "studying?" To what degree to you find that you "identify" with being an HSP? Leave me a comment-- be part of an ongoing dialogue!

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HSP Living: Moving Beyond the “Legacy” of Needing to Participate More

If you are an introverted HSP and reading this, chances are you encountered the following scenario when you were in school: you'd get really good grades on assignments and tests and essays you needed to hand in but if you were anything like me you'd get about a C-minus on “class participation.”

I always thought there was a real irony to the fact that I was making good grades and yet I was being marked down for not “participating.”

Just what does it mean to "participate," then... if doing the work is not participation?

Of course, with 40 plus years of hindsight to my benefit, I can look back on those school days and recognize that whereas class participation wasn't part of the curriculum as such, it was being taught as a “life skill.” Or, at least, as somebody’s interpretation of a life skill.

Even as a 10-year old, I recall sitting in class and actively thinking about this “participation” thing. And I'd feel really anxious about it, because I knew I might get pulled aside for a "conference," if I didn't participate enough.

My “problem” was that — try as I might — I didn't really see any point in simply adding my voice to an already noisy environment of chittering without having much of a point to make. And the truth is, I did participate in class when I felt like I actually had something of value to contribute… which just wasn't the case if I felt like everything that needed to be said had already been said.

Maybe that's a very old or mature approach to interaction, when you're only 10 years old, but I just didn't get it. Granted, I had also been raised by parents who insisted that children shouldn't speak up unless they actually had something of value to add to the conversation.

Still, it leaves me contemplating something that has always sat uncomfortably with me: the sensation that "participants" seemed to be speaking up for no reason other than to hear their own voices! They weren't really adding anything, other than noise.

Maybe that's not very "sensitive" of me to say... what do you think?

HSP Living: Overreacting to Negativity

Many years ago, I remember attending a workshop by Dr. Elaine Aron, in which she mentioned that HSP's who grow up in an environment with primarily positive reinforcement often can grow up to be stronger than their non-HSP peers, while HSP's who grew up in a negative environment often grow up to be more psychologically and emotionally damaged than their non-HSP peers. 

Perhaps this is not so surprising since we experience everything more deeply than others, so it only makes sense that we experience both positive and negative more deeply.

When we poke around in the negative side of the equation, one of the troubling tendencies we sometimes assume is that of taking our environmental feedback to heart too much. Let's say we try something new and subsequently get negative feedback from the world around us, from which we draw the false conclusion that on account of this feedback we're "no good at life." 

The key point here is that we think we're no good at ALL of life, not just the one thing we just tried. And that can become quite problematic.

At the risk of sounding like I'm saying you're just being "too sensitive," this is in fact a bit of an overreaction. What I mean to say is rather than reacting, it is important that we develop some self awareness in which we recognize that what we are being judged for is not ourselves but the fact that we're a little different from our surroundings. As one of my friends was fond of saying when I lived down in Texas many years ago: "he ain't wrong, he's just different!"

If we look only at immediate factual input — for example that somebody gave us a negative response — it might be a reasonable conclusion. But we forget to look at the greater question of context for exactly what it is that we're no good at. Then the follow-up question might become whether or not the life we're being told that we're "no good at" is even the life we want to live or is it the life that suits someone else better?

So the deeper question for examination becomes this: do we even want a life that doesn't suit us, simply in service of fitting in and pleasing others, or would we rather have a life we actually want? 

Scenarios like this are one of the reasons why HSP is really benefit from some rigorous self-study and self-inquiry. 

Indeed, when we suffered through abusive and/or non-supportive upbringings, it may have been a very valid "survival strategy" to always please others and adapt to what they thought we should be and do. But chances are that we are adults now, and living under completely different circumstances... and those old "programs" are no longer valid!

"Make America Great Again"... and other illusions

A while back, I had this notion that I was going to write a meaningful post-election article about how to navigate a turbulent and uncertain world, especially if you're an HSP. It seemed like a good idea at the time... because many folks presented as deeply distressed and lost at the end of a very "noisy" Presidential election year here in the US.

As time passed, I started realizing that I felt "stuck," so the article progressed into becoming a "Thanksgiving Message," then a "Holiday Message" and ultimately a "New Year's Message." And still, I remained stuck. For some reason, I didn't really have any words-- let alone words of wisdom-- to share. 

A quick side note: I should hurry to add that this is not a political post... and it was never intended to be. It's a human post.

All other things aside, it was not until earlier today-- when a photo of Donald Trump from the campaigning days rolled across my Facebook feed-- that I understood why words had been failing me, and why so many people I know had been feeling strangely immobilized and unmotivated for the past few months.

"Make America Great Again!"

If you live in the US or follow the news, it's almost inevitable that you've seen this campaign slogan, regardless of which side of the political fence you sit on. 

"Make America Great... AGAIN!"

The words made me pause for a moment to remember how often I-- and many people-- tend to look backwards during periods where we feel under extreme duress, stress, disappointment and uncertainty. Sometimes this inclination arises as a result of loss-- a loved one dies, a relationship ends, we lose our job, our beloved pet passes, our core beliefs are rocked-- so we seek some kind of emotional "anchor" in the chaos we feel. At other times, we perceive our lives to be so uncertain that we focus on a solid memory simply because it is known, and the known affords us at least the illusion of control where we otherwise feel like we have none.

It's a natural thing we do. Regardless of whether we consider ourselves "forward looking" or prone to nostalgia, it is psychologically easier to recall feelings and events that have actually happened than to imagine feelings and events that are yet to be.. or maybe not to be. The tangible and recorded past outweighs the uncertain and ambiguous future. There's nothing wrong with that... it simply is.

But here's the rub: there is no recreating the past. This type of escape is merely an illusion. The cold reality is that the past only exists in our memories... because neither we, nor our environmental reality, exists today as it existed ten, twenty, fifty years ago. 

The "Good Old Days" are an abstraction. What's more, we tend to look back through a selective filter of positivity... we remember our favorite dog wagging his tail, not the three years where he peed on the floor twice a week.

Looking back may offer a moment of comfort, but it's not only fleeting, it's nothing more than a thin veil over a present reality that's not about to disappear.

I am originally from Europe and grew up there until moving to the US in 1981. That said, my parents lived in Phoenix, Arizona for many years, before going back "home" in 2002. 

Not long after they left the US, I went to visit them in the south of Spain where I spent my teen years. Having not been there in some 20 years, I went "time traveling," with the vague hope-- a longing-- of somehow "re-feeling" moments from my past. It was a difficult time in my life and I was perhaps trying to "run away." 

It was then I came to understand that "The Past" is not an actual thing, not a place, not a person, not an event... but simply a basket of feelings attached to a moment in time. I stood under the same trees in front of the house where we lived and looked at the same mountains across the same riverbed... and yet felt nothing. I sat in the bar where I had my first beer and drank the same kind of beer... and felt nothing. I stood on the beach where I sought solitude with my teenage angst... and felt nothing.

Well, not exactly "nothing." 

What I felt was emptiness. Disappointment. The same feeling you have when your favorite coffee mug shatters and you realize you will never have it again, even if you replace it with an identical one. The past may look rosy, but we can never go back.

Something similar happened at a different time, years later, when my parents passed away. And at an earlier time when my beloved aunt-- who helped raise me-- passed away. Both times, I looked for points in my past where things seemed... simpler; less painful; less confusing.

In each case, the memories were intact, but the attempt to recreate something "that once was" felt flat and colorless... because the person originally having the experience in real time no longer existed. 

Bringing this back to current reality in the USA, I find myself feeling for all those people in down-and-out coal country who voted for Donald Trump with dreams of looking back to an easier time when jobs were plentiful and their lives did not eternally center on where their next meal will come from. I realize that their past time of relative comfort cannot exist again because neither the society nor the people they are now are who they were then.

We can't make things anything "again." We can't unlearn what we already know to be true.

Even when we make our late mother's apple pie exactly as she did, it will never be exactly the same because the original circumstances cannot exist outside our memories.

So, regardless of whether you're a liberal who longs be in in the days of Obama or Bill Clinton, or a conservative longing for the "good old days" of the 1950's... the past for which you wax nostalgic (and perhaps make your choices based on?) cannot and will not ever exist again.

All we have is now... this present moment... and the future we can co-create by stringing together the most meaningful series of "present moments" we can come up with. Sure, our choices can be informed by our past... but there is only now as far as actually living our lives go. 

So, if you feel stuck and spend  lot of time on "if only" thinking, it's time to let it go and find the strength to get up and create a new set of memories to look back on, from some future time... 

Happy New Year!

HSP Living: Planning, Politics, Getting Started and the Fear of Change

It's the 27th of December. The year is almost over; in a few days we get to "uncork" a fresh new year, filled with...?

Regardless, 2016 will be closed and put in the history books. It was a turbulent year for many, for a variety of reasons. For some, a great year. But many will feel relieved that it's over.

A lot of folks — HSPs and otherwise — feel that the political ruckus in the USA is somehow to blame for much of their malaise. From my vantage point, there is little doubt that the Presidential race and election brought everyone in touch with "something" that made many feel...

... feel what, exactly?

I have been pondering this post for quite a while... almost two months, actually... its direction changing like the wind on the back of  each new perspective and insight; its words prompted by the insistence of some that I am — somehow — a "thought leader" in the HSP Community, so I should "say something about how we're feeling" because people "expect" it.

Seriously? I hate expectations. And I have never felt like it's my place to "speak for" people. I find it challenging enough to speak for myself.

But this morning, the last puzzle piece fell into place; the missing piece of what it is we (or many of us) are feeling.

There is little doubt in my mind that a lot of people are struggling these days; struggling emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, financially. And there is a blockage or stuck-ness there... like patiently sitting at a traffic light that never turns green because you are following the rules and haven't yet realized that the traffic light is actually broken and will never turn green. But as long as you wait at the red light you are at least safe, even if you are wasting a lot of gas and your life is wasting away.

As I said, it took me a long time to determine exactly what people were struggling with. What I was struggling with. What also took me a long time was determining how to say what I wanted to share, without the overlay of the inevitable partisan political filters that permeate the world at the moment and seem to turn every civilized discussion into a battlefield.

I wanted to simply talk about what many are feeling from a purely human perspective, rather than a "Liberal" or "Conservative" perspective.

As HSPs — Highly Sensitive Persons — we are given to process deeply. But sometimes this deep processing goes over the edge into a sort of "analysis paralysis." We end up creating our own "broken traffic light" to get stuck behind.

The more I considered and sat with what I was feeling — while occasionally going off on assorted tangential tirades and rants — the more I came to realize that the heart of many people's dis-ease is centered around uncertainty. The unknown. People are getting "stuck" in a variety of cycling thoughts and analyses because on Tuesday, November 8th, the US threw out everything we "know" about politics and how the conventional political system works.

Regardless of whether you hate government, mistrust government or think it's a great thing... the election of Donald Trump meant that we can no longer look at things — and count on certain processes — the way we did before. It doesn't matter what your political affiliation is, everything changed. Doesn't matter whether you think Trump represents new hope or a total disaster... it still holds true that the "old rules" and the "old system" got swept out the door.

So let's reflect on that for a moment. That's what I did, and then I realized something. In the past, there have been Presidents who did — and did not — represent my perspective or point of view. That said, my reaction back then was something along the lines of "Bummer... now we have to deal with _____ for four years" or "I feel somewhat hopeful that ____ will make a positive change." But we were always dealing with more or less "known" parameters.

But let's continue to keep partisan politics and Presidents out of the picture for a moment... and examine our fundamental humanity.

There's little doubt there were a lot of people here in the US who wanted "change." They saw a system that was broken, and perceived the need for something to be different. The entire Presidential race started off as anti-establishment, with the most visible candidates — Sanders and Trump — swinging from the wings.

Now let's shrink this down to the scale of our daily lives; we often want change. We want to get in shape, get a better job, eat healthier, cook instead of eating out, get involved in our communities, lose weight. And yet?

We seldom DO.

We conceptualize and visualize and theorize the changes we want; we plan them, journal them, meditate on them but end up not acting on them. Or we get started but end up just "dabbling." Most of us join gyms, go 5-10 times, and then slide back into our old patterns. We talk about starting our own businesses, but we never really get around to actually quitting that corporate job and jumping off the cliff into self-employment. We say we want change, but our actions betray the depth (or shallowness?) of our actual commitment.

Because we — ultimately — perceive real change to be "dangerous." It's "scary." It's "uncomfortable."

The underlying ideas and intent are beautiful and rosy, but when push comes to shove, the ongoing actions and commitment required to create real and lasting change often seem overwhelming and harsh. At least for most people. And, truth be known, slamming our fist on the table and telling all our friends that "we need changes!" keeps us dreaming, yet anchored within our comfy safety zones of no-change. It gives us a feeling of taking action, without actually DOING. As a metaphor, we may say that we want to save the environment, and we get "involved," but ultimately, re-tweeting Greenpeace and EarthFirst doesn't actually reduce our carbon footprint.

Getting back to the recent political debacle, we can look at history and see that previously elected "change" candidates have come to power within a known frame of reference. They were governors, or senators, or mayors of some city. Even if we look at Ronald Reagan and feel tempted to call him "that Hollywood actor," fact remains that he was Governor of the state of California, the 6th largest economy in the world. If we look at Minnesota's colorful former Governor, Jesse Ventura, he might have been "a ridiculous pro wrestler from TV" but even he was mayor of the city of Brooklyn Park (a good sized city in Minnesota) and involved in politics for almost ten years before becoming Governor.

We don't have that, now. Phrased as an analogy, we have someone who may have "lots of experience" at operating "heavy machinery" or "sailing giant ships" who's suddenly decided that their debut attempt at flying an airplane is going to be getting in the cockpit of a fully loaded 747 with 450 passengers onboard.

What we also have is the knowledge that it was the election process we otherwise trusted that put him there.

These are things we KNOW, regardless of whether we consider Donald Trump a "welcome change" or "a dangerous sociopath."

And so, there is a sort of "stunned silence," emotionally and spiritually speaking. As much as anything, the underlying issue many are struggling with is the utter uncertainty of the new paradigm. The inner realization that we don't get to "talk about" changes to the system anymore... they ARE HAPPENING, whether we like it or not; whether we are ready or not; whether they even are the changes we want, or not. We have been kicked out of our comfort zones.

In short, we realize we're sitting at the broken traffic light, and we will have to go through on red — dangerous as it may seem — or we will stay stuck till we die of starvation. We must move forward, or we will never get ANYwhere, let alone towards any kind of destination. And there's no "turning around and going back," because it's a one-way street.

Of course, it's also easy to fall into the trap of "spinning stories" that aren't true. Stories that can't be counted on as being the actual outcomes for the future. Stories that keep us stuck in the world of rationalizations, without doing anything to move towards the future. Towards co-creating a future, rather than helplessly get swept along by the inevitable march of time.

The other day, I heard one of the "taking heads" from a major news channel confess his regret at having taken a "Catastrophist" approach to spinning news stories and their implications for the future of the US.

Spinning the future as "eternal doom" is not only disingenuous, it keeps us stuck behind that broken red light, paralyzed by our fear of change.

People don't really like to look at logic and facts.

If you're a dyed-in-the-wool Liberal, let's face it, "half the country" aren't "violent misogynistic racist pigs with guns," starting with the plain fact that Donald Trump received the votes of about 25% of the US voting age population. It's also a pretty good bet (although this is speculation) that the "scary and dangerous" individuals many people on the left fear... likely represent only the most dedicated 20% of Trump's supporters. Which means the other 80% — whereas they may be "conservative," philosophically — are basically ordinary Americans who were fed up with the way the world was turning out.

So you're seriously going to tell me that you're prepared to let 5% of the population keep you cowering in the corner in fear for the next four years?

Don't misunderstand what I am saying here. I am NOT a Trump apologist... I'm just suggesting everyone take a step back and evaluate what we are really dealing with, in our distressed emotional states. I'm also not suggesting that those who are horrified by the current situation stand idly by and "allow" it, if they are in opposition. What I am suggesting is taking a moment to clarify exactly what and whom, you are in opposition to. It's easy to paint everything and everyone we don't like with the same broad paintbrush.

If you're a dyed-in-the-wool Conservative, let's face it, "half the country" aren't "whimpering sore-loser libtard snowflakes" longing to turn America into a socialist playground where overcooked political correctness effectively squashes Freedom of Speech just as surely as a militant dictator would. Most people you think of as "Liberals" are much like you, but just didn't believe Trump was the best option we had. 

So... let's all try to stay somewhat civil about it all, and move forward.

Thanks for reading!

And DO feel free to leave a comment!

HSP Living: Peace and Quiet in a Noisy Chaotic World

As of late, I have been wanting to crawl into a hole and hide... overwhelm from many directions has been "triggering" my tendency to back away from being actively engaged in life and become an observer.

When I was a little kid, my mother — an extreme extravert and social butterfly — was eternally trying to "get me involved" in all sorts of things. I expect it was extraordinarily frustrating for her that I was always trying to undo her efforts, seeking instead a place where I could just sit and stare into space. Doing nothing was one of my favorite things.

I was generally a very calm child — in fact, calm to such a degree that various members of our extended family (who liked to think themselves "experts" on such matters) were seriously concerned that I was... "developmentally challenged."

"Little boys should be running around, getting into things, rough housing and making noise!" was the prevailing school of thought, and the fact that I was poster boy for the exact opposite was a cause for concern.

I have, at times, entertained the possibility that I was "wired incorrectly" from nature's side, because my inner reward system (in the neuroscientific sense) almost inevitably seems to issue "good feelings" when I am in a stationary detached state, and more of an "aversion warning" for most things that involve activity and engagement.

To the observer describing me in layman's terms, that pretty much adds up to "exceptionally lazy." But that's a hopelessly inadequate term, generally filtered through the eyes of a world obsessed with action, movement and busy-ness.

How much of this has anything to do with being an HSP — and how much with simply "being me" — remains open to discussion. I do remember the first time I came across Elaine Aron's original book in 1997, what I related most deeply to was not the title "The Highly Sensitive Person," but the subtitle "How to thrive when the world overwhelms you."

So where am I going with all this?

As of late, I have felt (as I expect many other HSPs have) particularly overwhelmed and inclined to crawl into a hole, as an extension of the whole US Presidential election and fallout circus in the US.

As I consider this, I've concluded that my feelings are really independent of political alignments and outcomes-- I find that the most distressing part of the process we recently experienced (and what most makes me want to climb in a hole and not come back out), and now continue to experience is the vileness, reactivity and violence of (much of) human nature.

I feel increasingly estranged from this species that seems to prefer violence, fighting, condemning and mudslinging to civilized debate and connecting across common ground to find peaceful solutions and compromises all can live with. This whole "MY way or you are EVIL/STUPID and must DIE!" approach that seems to have become so prevalent feels like a sad and pathetic throwback to primitive feudal times.

Of course, there are those who hold that those were the "good times," and that compromise and bridge-building represent a form of weakness and cultural decay... and they hold that totalitarianism and nationalism are good things. To be honest, part of me can appreciate their frustrations... but I can't get myself to a place of understanding how attempts to dial back the cultural clock 400 years is in any way useful. Let's face it... if a system of strong nationalism, kingdoms, strong rulers and armies and serfs and killing those who disagree actually had worked... wouldn't that system still be here, as the dominant form of social and political governing? What is all this fighting good for?

But I am digressing.... "good" is such a nebulous concept and-- at best-- a slippery slope of contemplating how life is viewed through each individual's experiential lens of perception.

I don't really care very much about the seemingly endless semantic and intellectual masturbation happening all around us... what concerns me is that we seem to-- here in freakin' 2016-- have returned to the middle ages and a bunch of (metaphorically speaking) "villagers with pitchforks"  are rioting, albeit "2016-style."

The thing about "villagers with pitchforks" is that they seem to be driven entirely by their emotions and reactivity, not by a sense of logic, nor meaningful objectives, nor reason or desire to live peacefully. And there's an attached irony there... in that a very large percentage of the "protesting villagers" who chose a new "king" will be the ones most hurt and left behind by the very "king" they elected.

But few people actually want reality, when they can live inside the fervor of their cause.

Regardless, I am just very tired of it all, and would like to hibernate for the next four years... maybe more!

"... When the World Overwhelms You."

I realized, this morning, that it has been almost 20 years since I first came across Elaine Aron's book "The Highly Sensitive Person."

As I pulled out my ancient dog-eared copy, I also remembered that it was less the actual title than the byline "How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You" that I related deeply to.

"... When the World Overwhelms You."

Part of me wants to say that I have felt overwhelmed by the world since birth... but I don't know that, for sure. But I do remember that the sense of overwhelm was in full flow when I started first grade and every day felt... exhausting.

As of late, I have not been writing much, not contributing much to the HSP "dialogue" for the very simple reason that the world has been overwhelming me.

In fact, I'd submit that the world has been "overwhelming me" on a full-time basis for about 4-5 years, now. Before that, the overwhelm was more "sporadic and periodic."

Don't misunderstand me, here. I am not trying to start a "wah-wah pity party" here, I am merely observing reality as I am experiencing it, in a non-attached Buddhist sort of way.

Nonetheless, my current state of mind leaves me pondering the question "Have I changed... or has the world changed?"

They (whoever "they" may be...) say that our sensitivities heighten as we age. I am not sure I agree entirely with that. It seems more likely to me that as we age we become more self aware, and thus more capable of recognizing that we are experiencing an extension of our innate sensitivity, rather than attributing our turmoil (or whatever we're feeling) to something else.

So that leaves "the world."

Thanks in large part to technology, I have no doubt the world is eternally "speeding up." Stated a little differently, the volume of stimuli-- information, news, activities, entertainment, obligations and so on-- increases every year. Meanwhile, a great many people-- at least here in the USA-- are experiencing that they need to spend ever more time and effort to merely "swim in place," financially, socially, functionally, psychologically and so on.

When I sit with that and contemplate it, it feels like I have less and less time to process more and more stuff. I am simply like an hourglass-- I process a fairly constant volume of stimuli well, but if more and more sand gets poured in the top half, the narrow opening can never "clear" the inflow. As an HSP, that leaves me feeling overwhelmed.

Meanwhile, it also seems like there is a lot of pervasive "time thievery" going on, these days... and I have to admit that this time thievery contributes significantly to my current feeling of overwhelm. I'll try to explain, and maybe you can relate.

For example, it's one thing that there was a controversial election that seems to have polarized this country. It's also a thing that there's a standoff over a pipeline in North Dakota and there's naturally a flood of attendant news. I can deal with that.

But now the new "time thief" is this whole concept of "fake news." Not only are there endless news stories, but now I have to spend additional time trying to determine whether any given story really IS a news story, or just some sensationalist clickbait created by a couple of profiteering vagrants who find it amusing to watch other people fall into a chaotic frenzy. IF (and that's an important question, here in our modern world) I want to remain a truly informed citizen, a five minute news story has now become a 15-minute research project.

But my day didn't become 24 hours and 10 minutes long to accommodate the new paradigm.

And so, the world overwhelms me... which is also a somewhat long-winded explanation for the repeated question I often get as to why I don't write anymore.

Of course, well meaning folks tell me I should turn it off and simplify my life... but isn't the whole ignoring it and sticking our heads in the sand with the excuse that "we can't deal with it" precisely part the the problem that created this whole mess? And how can you hope to make the world a better place if you're tuning it out?

Aside from which, how do you simplify a life that has already-- out of functional necessity-- been trimmed to the bare bones? I'm sorry, but living in a tent in the woods is not going to reduce my overstimulation... I like indoor plumbing and a bed! Of COURse there are lots of people who are "far worse off" than I am, but comparing our situation to the lowest common denominator doesn't fix the problem, it merely creates a greater pool of discontent... a sort of "misery loves company" circle jerk. I'm sorry, but that's not the world I'm looking to live in.

So how do we "thrive" when the world overwhelms us?

As of this moment, I am not entirely clear on that, but it somehow will involve a reiteration of a process I last went through in my mid-30's, when I abandoned working in the mainstream and became self-employed... which wasn't just about changing how I worked, but about changing how I lived, removing the expectations and trappings of "corporate life."

With 20 years of "creative independence" under my belt another revision now seems due, as I sit with the reality that I am not exactly thriving... I am surviving and getting by. I may have more "psychic income and wealth" than ever before, but the supermarket and electric company does not accept that currency in consideration of groceries and power. Which ends up creating a sort of inner dissonance which is another contributing factor to the overwhelm... if I am spending 70 hours a week in the business of simply maintaining, there's little left over to pursue other interests.

What is clear to me is that Being A Highly Sensitive Person is merely a piece of information about who I am. Whereas it influences and affects how I experience and interact with the world around me, it's not "a thing," in and of itself. It doesn't "do" anything. It doesn't "entitle" me to anything, nor does it make me "special" in some cosmic way most people give a rat's ass about. I am still a Human Being who needs to negotiate life, just like everyone else. Go to work, make dinner, pet the cat, take out the garbage, pay the bills. I am primarily a Human Being... who happens to be a Highly Sensitive Person.

In closing, I am considering that this is perhaps the natural "end point" in the journey of understanding ourselves, as HSPs. We start as "confused humans" who then learn we are HSPs; there's relief. Nothing "wrong" with us. We learn. We take on the "label" and adjust. We become wise in the ways of our sensitivity. And then we go back to simply being human, with an additional body of helpful knowledge.

Stay tuned for more ramblings; as I wrote a while back, I have let a number of my web sites and blogs quietly pass on... as a result of which, this will now double as both an "HSP" and a "personal" blog space. But not to worry, I'll still post the more inflammatory political and social commentary elsewhere!

Feel free to leave a comment!

The Sounds of Peaceful Times

I will be the first to admit that music is my "mind altering drug of choice."

That said, my musical tastes have typically left me standing alone, somewhere out in left field. As have my tastes across many other aspects of life.

Indulge me, for a moment... press play, and experience the inner soundtrack that goes with a bit of an exploration of the ways-- or at least ONE way-- we HSPs often experience our "aloneness" in the universe.

Before getting in too deep, let me underscore that I am talking about aloneness here, not "loneliness."

"What's the difference," you might ask.

To my way of thinking, aloneness is an existential experience, while loneliness is situational and experiential. Aloneness is a sense of disconnect-- on some level-- from all that is.

What does this have to do with being an HSP?

The more "specialized" a person is... that is, the more their attributes, values and interests are "different" from the majority, the more likely they are to experience degrees of existential aloneness. In this case, I brought up music because it was one of the early ways I discovered myself to be "not like others."

I love music... but always found most of it rough and grating; an assault on the senses rather than a joy... or I found it boring and predictable in a very pedantic sort of way.

But there are many ways we-- as HSPs-- can end up in this type of place. We discover these stark differences between "us" and "the world," and experience moments of detachment... even if they don't last. 

And don't get me wrong... it's not that we are being criticized, even... it can be simply through observation that what "everyone else" seems to enjoy is starkly different from our own reality. And so, we feel "alone," rather than part of.

Music, movies, books, art, food, interests, hobbies, philosophies, tone of voice... we look to all of them for pleasure, joy and entertainment, but part of our enjoyment also comes through "invitations to connect" with others who experience as we do. We extend the invitation, only to discover that what we value-- whatever it might be-- is important just to us. Not to anyone else. At worst, maybe we're told we're "weird." Most of the time, we simply experience a sort of blankness... a spoken or unspoken "I don't GET it."

Which can be hard to... hard to?... hard to deal with. Hard to take in stride and to accept (and even embrace?) without certain feelings of loss and sadness. So often I have found myself in a situation where I didn't necessarily feel hurt, but I pondered "what am I supposed to DO with this feeling?"

On the whole, I try to take a pretty positive approach to life. I have heard it said that when we focus on our differences from others, we are actually building fences to set ourselves apart from them. When we say we are "not like" someone, we are excluding chances to connect. I get that, and don't believe in setting myself too far apart.

But where do we draw lines? At what point do we cross a line where we forsake our own essential truth and our sense of self in service of some fleeting connection?

I started feeling my aloneness early-- as a preteen-- as I started to realize that it felt wrong to compromise certain things, and it felt wrong to "fake" and "pretend" to like and enjoy things I really didn't, just in service of "belonging." Belonging to a family, a club, a group, an interest. 

At times I wept over my seeming "apartness" from the tapestry of life unfolding around me, but it didn't take me long to make peace with the fact that someone gets to be "that guy who sits on a rock on the beach and gazes out to sea for hours at a time." And it might as well be me...

Why am I writing these words?

Perhaps because I want to impart the idea to my fellow HSPs that aloneness doesn't have to be a "bad" thing, regardless of what society may teach us about fitting in and being part of the greater group. I mean, unless you can do so authentically... why bother?

And remember, this aloneness you might feel is not loneliness... you can feel alone in a roomful of people; even a roomful of people you admire and like. No person can fill the space... only you can (if you so choose) and there's no rule that says the space has to be filled. Maybe it's just supposed to be empty.

The music you have been listening to was composed by someone you've probably never heard of--  one of my long-time favorite composers of electronic music named Patrick O'Hearn. Although he is known perhaps better as a former bass player for Frank Zappa, and was part of the 80's band Missing Persons, it is this style of music that speaks to my soul.

And so... let us be true to those souls and allow our essences to shine, independently of societal or familial expectations. And if that involves a sense of aloneness for you, ALLOW it, don't fight it. There is great beauty in the stillness...