Cleaning my Desk: HSPs, Perfectionism and Procrastination

A few days ago, someone sent me the link to a YouTube video about procrastination. It was mostly rather funny, but I also realized the basic truth of much of it.

Whereas I am well aware that procrastination can be a problem for people from all walks of life, it seems to be an issue that affects HSPs more than most. This morning, I found myself speculating on why that is, and what we can do, as HSPs, to deal with "procrastination-worthy" situations more readily.

Elaine Aron writes, in "The Highly Sensitive Person," that HSPs tend to be both deeply conscientious, and often loyal "to a fault." Conscientiousness-- at least in my opinion-- can very easily slide over into "perfectionism," when you take it to extremes. Now, whereas the HSP trait is not a pathology or illness, it is also true that a great many HSPs come from somewhat abusive-- or at least "misunderstood"-- backgrounds. Such personal histories tend to also result in a person becoming rather more cautious in taking on new things. Besides, yet another HSP characteristic is a certain hesitance in taking on things that might cause changes or upheaval in our lives.

I know all of the above issues have been present in my life, and I also realize that they "play together" to leave me in situations where I tend to procrastinate. Most often, I let "little things" get in the way: The classic "I need to clean my desk before I can start working on my stuff" syndrome. And before I know it, I am also tidying up the files I need to put the stuff on my desk into. And on, and on, and on... gradually abandoning what I was really there to do.

As I said before, perhaps this affects everyone. But I recognize how my underlying motivations can be pulled directly from the HSP trait:

I want to make sure I do a good job (conscientiousness)
I want to start slowly (difficulty adapting to changes)
I want to make sure I know where everything is (worried about doing poorly, in front of others)

A wise person-- whose opinion I value-- once told me that there will never be a "right time" to do something, and if we wait for the right time, life may just pass us by while we are waiting. One of the things I have learned-- both as an HSP and as a human-- is that sometimes we just have to jump in, and accept that all we can hope for is a "90% solution," as opposed to a "perfect" solution."

In a very small way, I have seen this in the process of giving this old blog a face lift. A little voice inside me has been saying "You can't put up new posts that will attract people to come and read before you're done with all the changes, and adding all the links, and... and.... and... because people will think you don't care and just keep a messy blog not worth visiting, and... and... and." In a slightly larger way, I have seen it with the rest of my writing-- I tell myself I "can't" start writing articles till I have a "perfect" web site on which to present them. And I "can't" submit my book manuscripts until I have a glowing public reputation and readership for my articles.

Of course, the above holds little water in a practical sense, and is basically procrastination. The true answer is "There is no better time than right NOW."

TALK BACK: If you're an HSP (or not!), do you procrastinate? How has procrastination affected your life? Do you recognize that the HSP trait has had an influence?

Please leave a comment!

HSP Notes gets a Facelift

First, I'd like to wish a Happy New Year to everyone!

Some of the regular visitors to the site may notice that "things look a little different." That's because I'm in the middle of giving "HSP Notes" a major face lift, changing the site from being "just a blog" to more of an "HSP web site and information portal." It is my hope that the end result will be a web site that is much more useful to all HSPs, whether you've just learned about the trait, or consider yourself an "old timer."

The blog, itself, is not by any means going away-- I just want to add "content" that extends beyond my own musings.

Of course, "Rome" wasn't built in a day, so the process of adding (and double-checking) many links and resources for HSPs will be ongoing, during most of the month of January.

I have been meaning work on this "upgrade" this for some time. No, it's not a "New Year's Resolution." I don't really believe in those, mostly because I don't feel inclined to (as so often happens) stand around in March, beating myself up over things I failed to do. I prefer to just make "gentle suggestions" (thanks to Sarah, for that term!) as I go along, visualizing what I want to happen and moving towards that objective with intent, but without "expectations" attached.

As HSPs we often tend to be perfectionistic, and when you combine that with the "conscientiousness" that goes hand-in-hand with being highly sensitive, it's easy to end up in a place where we become too hard on ourselves, and engage in negative self-talk over what we "didn't do."

Learning to set goals, but to not become too attached to the final outcome is a great way to reduce stress.

Making a difference: Soft Clothing for HSPs

I don't typically use this platform to "promote" or otherwise endorse people or products, but every now and then something crosses my path that I see as having the potential to significantly improve or positively affect the lives of people I care about; people who are members of "my tribe" of fellow HSPs.

As highly sensitive people, many of us have sensitive skin, and many have experienced the irritation of "scratchy labels" and uncomfortable clothing. Some of you are parents with sensitive kids-- and perhaps struggle to find clothing they are happy wearing. Perhaps you have also have found it difficult to find comfortable clothing for yourself.

This morning, I got a note from an acquaintance with an idealistic spirit, AND something else. She has an IDEA for a fledgling business that I realized could be of considerable positive impact for HSPs: She is designing and starting a line of "soft clothing" SPECIFICALLY for people with sensitive skin. Although her intended niche market (to begin with) is children with Autism, Sensory Processing Disorder, and a range of skin sensitivities, this is also a series of products that would appeal directly to HSPs, and might eventually include lines for adults, as well.

As I read her idea, I was reminded of how "fussy" I was about clothing, as a kid. I "made" my mom cut all the labels out of my shirts. Of course, that happened under duress, but still.

The reason I am writing this is NOT because I am asking you to go BUY something. Jessica (whose idea this is) is part of a "seed money contest" sponsored by Advanta Banking Services. Basically, the idea with the most "thumbs up" votes wins the start-up capital for their idea.

We often talk about how it's "part of being an HSP" to want to change the world, and to make a difference. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could help an idea that clearly is "HSP-friendly" make it, in the greater world?

Here's an opportunity to do just that.

This is VERY short notice, I realize-- the current contest ends at midnight on December 31st, so we need to act NOW.

If you believe this sounds like a "worthy" idea, please take a couple of minutes to follow the link below and cast your vote for Jessica's idea to become a reality:

Vote at the "Idea Blob" site

The site will ask you to register before you can vote, which will take you all of 30 seconds. If you feel like adding an encouraging comment to her entry page as well, that would probably be appreciated, too.

To see Jessica's web site, and more about "Soft Clothing," go here:

http://www.softclothing.net/

Please take a moment to make a difference for an HSP-friendly idea!

Happy New Year!

Peace on Earth!

The message is in the photo.

The peace sign is plowed into the hillside near the intersection of San Juan Avenue and F Street in Port Townsend, WA.

Yes, you can probably see it from space, if you have google earth.

Happy Holidays to all!

HSP Writing

On occasion, I have alluded to the fact that I am a writer. Even though I don't really write "for a living" (meaning I don't get paid enough to actually live on), I have written many articles over the years, on the topic of being an HSP.

Alas, most of them have been scattered around an assortment of web sites and ezines. Some can still be found if you search for them, others have died with the web sites that hosted them, and yet others have just been forgotten. There are also some that are largely written, but still sit here on my computer hard drive.

I have recently been encouraged by a friend who told me I "out to publish" my writings on the HSP trait. I don't think she fully appreciated the scale of the "research project" that would be associated with gathering everything in one place... but her encouragement was enough for me to at least make an attempt.

I am going to use this post for links to my writing about the HSP trait... which I have decided to publish previously unfinished work through the "hubpages" web site, because it allows people to view without needing to "sign up" for anything. I'll also be adding links to writing in other places. I hope you'll stop by and read, and perhaps leave me a comment.

The Highly Sensitive Person: An Introduction
HSP Topics: The Challenge of Friendships

Getting Enough Light: The perils of SAD

As we head further into the "dark" part of the year, some people discover that their moods also get darker. As HSPs, I believe we are particularly susceptible to Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) because we are so tuned in to our environments.

I used to live in the south (Texas), but now I live in northwestern Washington where the days are short in winter, and the sky is often cloudy. Although I much prefer the climate here, I am also very aware that it is darker than I was previously accustomed to.

If SAD affects you in an extreme way, light therapy might be the only way you can get relief. However, there are many HSPs who are just "mild sufferers."

I have found it very helpful to make a point of getting outside during daylight hours, even if the weather is yucky. I don't necessarily need direct sun (although that's a nice benefit), as long as I get some direct daylight. You may think you get "daylight" from sitting in your house, but it's not quite the same thing. If you work during all daylight hours, consider taking your lunch outside to eat... even if it's a bit chilly and nasty. If you have time (or get breaks) even a 15-minute brisk walk can be a great help.

HSPs and Holiday Stress

As the holiday season approaches, I am seldom with a group of HSPs, or part of an HSP web group for that matter-- without a few moans and groans coming up. "HSPs and Holiday Stress" seems to just be "one of those topics" that comes up and gets rehashed this time of the year.

I find myself having some minor "guilt" over the fact that I basically live at the end of the world and will NOT be dealing with "family situations" for the holidays. Actually, I feel somewhat grateful that I have so little family, and they live so far away, and I won't have to "deal with" a whole situation of getting together with a bunch of people who sit around and pretend to "like" each other and that they are "enjoying" themselves, even while making snide comments about everyone present.

Maybe my attitude towards the holidays reflects that they were never really very positive times for me. Some of my attitude is a certain "bah-humbug-ishness," left over from the 12-odd years I managed an upscale gift store. Dealing with the "general public" around the holidays really brings a person in touch with the less attractive aspects of the human condition.

I also know that some of my reluctance has to do with being an HSP, and easily getting overstimulated by social situations, and what I think of as "psychic loudness."

I was thinking about the above statement, earlier... and realize that I do not have anxiety around social situations, and I am actually quite good at dealing with them. Even though I am an introvert.

What I am NOT good at is dealing with "forced" social situations... and so many family holidays seem very "forced" to me. And few things throw me over into overwhelm than needing to "pretend" I feel a certain way about a situation... when those feelings are actually not AT ALL how I am feeling.

The holidays are a time of the year when it becomes especially important for the highly sensitive person to be aware of-- and honor-- their sensitivity. Now, when I say "honor," I don't mean we have to become "spoiled prima donnas" who have to have everyone accommodate us. What I mean is that we need to "ration" our available energy and good cheer more carefully, because there are more demands made on us, and the environment around us-- from family plans to the eternal commercial messages on television-- seems far more "invasive" than during the rest of the year.

Many HSPs want to be "up" for the holidays and for family and friends. So pause for a moment, and find ways to create more peaceful moments "in between," and take a little time to figure out what other actvities you can cut out of your schedule, to give yourselves more energy for holiday events.

Thoughts from the First Colorado HSP Gathering

I am gradually "returning to the surface" again after my trip to the HSP Gathering in Estes Park, Colorado. I had a somewhat different perspective this time, as organizer Jacquelyn Strickland had invited me to co-host the event, and I also facilitated a workshop (along with a couple of other "activities")... things that stretched my introverted self well outside my normal comfort zones.

This was my 5th Gathering... and each has its own unique "atmosphere." It was also one of the largest Gatherings, with a "peak" attendance of 37 HSPs... and I came away this time with perhaps more authentic and deep connections than I have before. Sometimes the mix of personalities seems "just right," and this was one of those times.

The setting for this Gathering was Estes Park, CO... adjacent to Rocky Mountain National Park, it was really a wonderful venue. We were at the YMCA of the Rockies-- which is not like most people would picture a typical "Y," rather it is a sprawling campus of buildings across a very large parcel of land-- capable of hosting conventions and retreats of up to 1500 people.

Gatherings are not easy to explain. On the surface, they unfold a bit like a spiritual/self-growth workshop... but on a deeper level, they also tend to be truly life-changing events for attendees. There's a level of comfort and connection and validation many people have never experienced before in their lives-- and that just changes you, as a person. For five days, you get to experience how it feels to be "100% OK" in the company of a group of peers. Being in a group of HSPs is nothing like the atmosphere we normally associate with "group" events.

When I first started going to Gatherings, it was to learn; these days I go almost purely for the fellowship, and to help other HSPs make connections. In talking to a couple of other attendees, I shared that Gatherings have become a fixture on my "social calendar," every year. HSP Gatherings (officially known as "Gathering Retreats") are constantly evolving. In the broadest sense, they now (loosely) follow a format fairly common in spiritual and self-growth workshops... there's a morning session that's more or less a "classroom" workshop; there's an afternoon session that's less formal, and might include discussions of "what we have learned," or may be some kind of "extracurricular" activity. Evenings are designed mostly for socializing.

The opening day, Thursday, is mainly for "getting-to-know-you" activities and introductions, along with a bit of orientation. The remaining days offer a mixture of workshops on HSP-related topics, typically culminating with Elaine Aron's workshop on Sunday morning. Because we were in splendid natural surroundings, this Gathering included a lot of outdoor activities-- hiking, picnic, watching the Elk at the Park (although they were all over the YMCA campus, as well), horseback riding. This time we also had "Art Night" and "Creativity Night," which are long standing favorites with attendees. In the late evenings, there was usually a group of people sitting around, talking, till the wee hours.

The learning is nice, but as one of my fellow attendees commented, "the real star of the show is the camaraderie between likeminded souls." And I must second that. It seems that even for those who come "to learn," it still ends up being "the people" that leaves the strongest impression.

I love watching people share what they hope to get from the Gathering on opening night, and then hearing what they are taking with them, as we go through closing remarks, five days later. The differences are often striking. "Something" happens to people who go to Gatherings. No matter HOW introverted, anxious and hesitant they might feel when they arrive, by the end of about the third day you'd be hard pressed to say that anyone present is an introvert. People who (three days earlier) would swear on a stack of Bibles that they would NEVER speak in front of a group voluntarily tell their life stories in front of a roomful of people. I don't know HOW it happens, it just DOES.

I find myself somewhat at a loss for words, trying to describe how it feels to be there. In fact, you really have to go to one to fully "get" what it's about. For those of you intrigued, the next fixed date for a Gathering is California (San Francisco Bay Area) on June 19-23, 2008. There MAY be a US East Coast event before that (spring 2008), but that remains contingent on someone "local" stepping forward to co-host. For those of you with a slightly longer time horizon, there's a Gathering planned for the UK in the spring of 2009... I met the co-host-- Sam New-Fielding-- here at the Colorado Gathering, and think she's going to help put on a wonderful event.